The only cure I found for depression

Back in the days when I used to feel like I felt yesterday pretty much every day.  I learned much about depression, anxiety, and frustration.  I found this little quote somewhere, and adopted it as my own.

Praising and Thanking God all day long are the only cure I've found for depression.

Medicine, exercise, food, talking with friends, getting away for awhile… those all help with the symptoms.  But, the cure always comes from gaining perspective over the circumstances by focusing on what I have, and being thankful for it rather than what I don’t have.

It has not been an easy road to figuring this out.  You may want to pat me on the back for the second post I did yesterday about gratitude.  But, it was only because I knew, from years of experience in the slimy, miry, pit of depression, that that was the ladder out.  My attitude stunk and I didn’t think I could do it, but I did.  And the depression did leave. 

I did cry.  I did get angry all over again at HSSH and the choices he made that have made our lives all divided up like they are.  At all the hurt he had caused with his selfish choices.  Anger is not a bad thing.  I’ve learned that too.  There is nothing wrong with feeling the emotion anger.  It’s learning what to do with that anger that is the tricky part.

Exercise is a great release for the anger.  Yelling and screaming and crying to the Lord, or a friend is a great release.  Being honest with myself, allowing myself to feel angry and upset is very freeing too.

So, I am putting the bike seat on my bike yesterday afternoon, and the tears came.  Tears of frustration, tears of self-pity, tears of anger.  Jadon looked at me and said, “are you crying?”  It’s hard to let them see me cry.  But, I think it is good too, it lets them know that this isn’t easy for me either.

Later when he figured out that some of the kids had went with dad and he didn’t get to go, it was his turn to get angry and cry.  I hope that I have taught him, mostly by example, healthy ways to deal with all the unfair things that happen to us.  It isn't fair.  It's downright wrong.  Yet, I can't change other people's choices.  As much as I'd like to fix all this I can't do this for my my kids. 

We went and picked up Dairy Queen for dinner.  We took it back to the park to eat it.  Neither kid ate even a bite of their food.  And then we took a long bike ride on the bike trails at the State Park, with Grandpa and Grandma.

Jadon riding ahead of us...

Kiahna in the seat behind me....

Jadon and Grandpa....

After coming back up out of the fog of depression and self-pity it can be hard to know how you ended up there again.  I've dealt with this whole visitation thing and the depression it brings so many times, how did I fall into that trap again.  I don't really know how.  I just know I don't want to go there again... but I know I will... and I know that I will get back out again... but by the Grace of God...

Come and listen, all you who fear God;
       let me tell you what he has done for me.

I cried out to him with my mouth;
       his praise was on my tongue.

If I had cherished sin in my heart,
       the Lord would not have listened;

but God has surely listened
       and heard my voice in prayer.

Praise be to God,
       who has not rejected my prayer
       or withheld his love from me!

Psalm 66:16-20

Pam