Normally, I love a moment of quiet.
I have been known by my children to say. “Everyone stop. Listen. Hear that?”
Them: Hear what?
Me: That. Quiet.
Them: Those are crickets.
Me; I know, isn’t it wonderful.
Them: Whatever mom… you’re so weird… blah… blah… blah… blah…blah…blah…
Me: …sigh…
I also love the quiet of leaving them with grandma. Leaving them with a baby sitter. Having them at school. (this week will be the first time ever I will actually have all 6 in school of some sort all at one time, at least for a couple of hours)
Even now, Jadon is behind me babbling… ‘mom, hey mom, look at this, mom”
Kiahna is upstairs sleeping. (she threw up 4 times last night, but has been okay today)
Zach is with a friend.
James, Leah, and Lucas went with their dad.
James hasn’t went with his dad for over 2 years. Today he went.
I miss them. I want them with me. I want them in my house. I want them in places that I gave them permission to be, and I can breathe easy and relax knowing they are safe and protected.
I can’t do that when they are with their dad.
I listened to an Internet feed for church today. The prayer the man prayed went like this.
“Help us Jesus. Amen”
Amen.
I feel like I am growing bitter and angry. I feel like I don’t believe for miracles like I did. I feel like I’ve lost hope. I need to get out of the house. Too long here with my thoughts today. Thanks for all your prayers of peace. I have been good. Really. Until just lately.
Help me Jesus. Amen.
Pam
3 comments:
I'll be praying extra hard for Peace and clarity, Pam! Hang in there...
I have definitely been there where it's extremely difficult to hope, to believe in the miracles. It's not a good place to be. I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I hope the kids come back on an even keel. I'm guessing that would probably be asking a lot. Take care of yourself as much as you can right now. It will get better.
It's okay to feel that way.
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