So much life happens around here at such high speeds… stopping to write about it doesn’t happen until I get that overwhelming feeling inside to get it out on paper I will explode if I don’t.
Like last night. Aching for my son. I believe with all my heart that Zach will be okay in the long run… it’s the long run that puts the fear into me. It’s the seemingly “waste” of time to get to that point. It’s watching him be robbed & stolen from every day that cuts to the core.
My oldest is considering a signature with the Indiana National Guard. I am considering screaming. Praying for peace. Unsure of what to think. Knowing it isn’t my choice. Hating that feeling.
Kiahna’s test results came back from her eeg. No seizure activity the doctor says. We can try a new med. You can see this doctor next. I can pound my head against a wall. I can try a vitamin the chiropractor recommends. I can pray against the spiritual battles that are coming against her. I can cry. I can become extremely afraid. I can sign papers with poor behavior documentation. I can pray. I can go pick her up because the new med caused a bad reaction. I can pray again.
Watching & photographing a lot of basketball…
Feeling the judgment of others for the behaviors of my children. Fighting against it.
Wondering if I should somehow force my children’s dad to be a dad. Wondering what the best is. Wanting to ring his neck. Fighting for forgiveness & grace to forgive again. Thankful for the little child support checks.
Needing to do a medication change for Jadon. Helping him transition to a new teacher when the old one suddenly began her maternity leave early.
Clean up some puke.
Order some new flooring.
Wonder how the house got to be such a mess.
Be thankful that it is because there are people here who I love dearly to mess it up.
Hope.
Pray.
Laugh.
Love.
Live.
Cry.
Fear.
Rest.
Overwhelm.
Grace.
Strength.
Endurance.
Life.
Death.
Peace.
Storms.
This is the stuff.
Pam
