True Story

I enjoy going to a zumba class a couple of mornings a week. 

My routine is (I love routine) to drop my kids off at school & head to the gym for a work out. (workouts have helped my stress level sooo much)

The zumba class doesn’t start until 9:45.  Running home for an hour then going back in isn’t always the best use of time or gas money.

I’ve went to the one restaurant in town that’s open for breakfast, taken my laptop & decided to work there during the time I am waiting for my class to start.

This restaurant is good because it’s pretty dark, quiet, not very busy so I don’t feel like I am in the way sitting there for over an hour not giving them much business.

I do normally eat some eggs, which  may be just the amount of money it would have taken to drive home & back… but it’s a time saver right.

Another thing about this restaurant is that the wi-fi does not work, the phone reception is horrible… so while those things are not real convenient, they do help me stay focused on my editing & the distractions are a minimum.

Today I was sitting there editing & multi-tasking with my phone.  Updating some of the names, my new phone puts them the opposite of the old phone so I have to move everyone’s names around, kinda confusing, but that’s what I was doing while I waited for my photo-shop program to do it’s magic.

A older couple came in & sat down at a table about 2 away from me.  I was minding my business getting much accomplished.  I heard the man talking & pretty soon I realized he was talking, very loudly, about me.

Discussing my use of my phone & then how I was going back & forth between my phone & my computer.  Using sarcastic phrases about how desperate I was to remain “plugged in” & how much of a panic I would be in if I couldn’t get connection.

“Look” he said to his wife, “now she’s on her computer.  I bet they have wi-fi here, a place like this would”

I go back to my phone.

“There she goes back on her phone again”

I sat there & my heart started to race & I looked over at him while he made sure he didn’t look at me.

I wanted so say, buddy, do  you know what I am doing over here?  Do you know I am working?  I can’t get internet or phone service?  I am here saving money on gas & trying to run my business. Would you like to see?

I can’t say I have ever felt so falsely judged.

He went on to complain about other things, loudly, while his poor wife sat there enduring.

All, I can think about it how quickly we judge by appearance.  How much we jump to conclusions.  Believe everything we hear.  Spread around false information about situations.

If you happen to hear any stories about my family flying around… think about this story before you believe everything that’s going around.  The facts are not the same as the rumors.

True Story.

Pam

I ache for you son…

“Once they hand me that diploma & I walk out of that school everything will be okay in my life” 

“The problem is them.  They all hate me.  They all want to ruin my life.  They are out to get me”

My heart aches to see you find healing, son…

My head spins with all the things I want you to know & understand about life…

You won’t find happiness in the next stage in life if you don’t find it here.  It isn’t going to come from getting your diploma.  It isn’t going to come from a girl.  A college.  A wedding.  A baby.  A job.  A move.

It’s only going to come from within your heart, when you choose to let Jesus Christ come in & heal the broken hurting places.  When you choose joy in the midst of the world that hurts.  When you put others before yourself.

Without it you will only go through life hurting & hurting others.

“I don’t believe you”

I know.  I’ve lived.  I’ve watched.  I’ve hurt.  I’ve been hurt.

Just say the words “I am angry at my dad for what he did to me, I am angry that he isn’t here for me now.  I am angry that I don’t have his support in my life”… say the words out loud…

“I have said the words.  There is this one teacher who likes me & I have talked to her every day last week”

“I just need to talk to this one girl again, she will listen to me”

Am I not listening to you son?  Because I have an opinion about what you are saying I am not listening?  Are you going to go to someone who will tell you that everything you say is right & everyone around you is wrong?  Are you just looking for people to agree with you?  Other angry people will.

This has been a hard road.  Everything that has happened has changed all of us forever.  We will be dealing with the things that this has done to us for the rest of our lives.  I believe that.  There is forgiveness to give & bitterness to fight every day because the betrayal continues.

I watch my son get lost in it all… I ache.

Prayers change as children grow up & the control we once had, or felt like we had… the voice that we had that they could hear that they no longer can hear… My prayer for my grown(ing) up sons… I am so glad YOU are their FATHER… YOU got this right?  I can rest?  YOU know what to do… I believe You…

Aching for my son.

Pam

When the meds stop working…

…and start working against you…

It happens very quickly with some meds & you know right away it’s not a good fit.

It happens very slowly with some meds & you don’t realize until you are living a nightmare that maybe it’s the meds.

Sunday.  A tantrum during Sunday school.  Can’t even send her into the classroom alone.  Don’t trust her behavior. 

Can’t handle drawing a smiley face on your baby Moses??

Something is seriously not okay with this.

I’ve had the little thought before that maybe it was the meds turning on us.

I finally took the plunge and didn’t give her the medication on Sunday night.

Monday was a different ball game.

I had a different child.

I don’t know whether to be angry or rejoice.

Rejoice.

There is nothing I can do about the past.

She takes the meds for her ADHD, so without the meds the ADHD, impulsiveness, sensory issues are all heightened… BUT AT LEAST SHE IS RATIONAL!!

We don’t have to live like we are walking on egg shells because she can’t deal with ANYTHING!!

I even took her to Lucas’ ball game tonight!  Her first game this year…  She did fabulous!

I guess the sun was a little bright for her!

THANK you so much for your prayers… life isn’t perfect, but it’s, like a bazzillion times better than it was just a few days ago… what a huge relief.

A few pix of my kids playing football now…

Lucas…

Zach…

Leah’s first homecoming powder puff game… with interception!!  check out that smile!

Their freshmen team… they were awesome, they would have won too, but the seniors cheated… so the seniors won.  (leah is the second from the left on the front row)

And Zach’s homecoming activity… Sledgehammer volleyball… they won best costumes…

Sometimes, it’s best you just don’t ask!

Pam

Wordless Wednesday

Secure in their manhood wouldn’t you say??  They went into Kohl’s, got kicked out of the cologne isle… and went to the varsity football game like this.  We pretended they weren’t with us.  They were also playing with bouncy balls in the parking lot… oh the joys of being 14 and loving life.

Pam

To visit more Wordless Wednesday blogs click here.

Pictures of My Birthday

All of us.

Grandma helped Leah make me this cake!

I took James and Zach school shopping Saturday.  They bought these shirts.

Oh, NOW James isn’t so sure he wants the world to read his shirt…

Too bad, I gotcha anyway…

It’s kinda hard to read the whole thing (through the campfire smoke), it says, “The three best things in life are girls football and parties”  We tried to convince him of what it should say, Jesus, Mom and sisters!  But, he didn’t know that he would have bought it if it’d said that.  At least he’s honest.  Someday James, someday.

Pam

A quiet moment

My house is quiet!  My house is quiet!!!  MY HOUSE IS QUIET!!!!!  YES!!

I’ve gotta get some ice tea and go sit outside and enjoy no one talking to me.

But, first I had to check out what was going on in the blogging world and read my e-mails!! 

Update on my plant…

Okay, the good news is that it hasn’t turned brown.  At least I think that is good news.  It has a new pot.  It was diagnosed as being inebriated with water.  And I guess the fact that there was no drain hole in the pot it had been LIVING in for the last year is a problem?  Besides that the unsuspecting salesman and Lowes still entrusted me with another plant.  So I am now the proud, stupid, brave owner of 3 house plants!  (and two new pots)

I also just wanted you to know that I solved the Jadon problem.

James party went well.  With the mom-predicted 10 people showing up.  James told me I should take pictures, the house hasn’t looked this good (he said, “ever” but he forgets)

I’m just guessing, but I believe somehow all that cleanliness gets canceled out when the storage room has to look like this to accomplish it…

Just shut the door… shut the door… SHUT THE DOOR!! 

Okay, yeah, anyway, the party went well… here they are blowing something up…

You can do that in the country… don’t panic… no one got hurt.  I was taking pictures.  Yeah, don’t send you kids over to my house to play.

Someone asked why there were no lake pictures of me.  Of course because I was the one taking them all… I went through my parent’s pictures and found a few for you Meg!!!

ROFL!!!!  That’s me in the green shirt!  LOL!!  I didn’t do this on purpose!!  That’s what size they transferred from their account!!  Opps!!  Sorry!  I’ll work on that for later!

I do have this one!  YOU knew it would make it here eventually didn’t you Shelly!?!  Shelly is the one that had the shower that day!

We met in college (yes I went to college for ONE semester) and have stayed in touch!  She came over to our cottage while she was visiting her family for the week.

This morning in church our pastor challenged us with the statement… “What are you doing with your story”.  I plan to share more of what God has done in the past three years soon… but now I am going to enjoy that peace and quiet (while it lasts) and get that ice tea!

Pam

More building… staying out of God’s way?

Good Morning!

CHOOSING to take the time to write this morning!  I have less guilt when I know that I have started a load of laundry (Kiahna putting her Pull Up on inside out last night helped that process!)  I have run the dishwasher.  I am dressed to the shoes. 

I reached a point last week while we were at the lake where I decided that I was tired of living in survival mode.  And that I am tired of living in a shamble of a life.  I am tired of my life being unrestored just because I don't see things in the picture I want there.  I need my life restored.  My kids need my life restored.

Like I wrote the other day, I know that there have been times that I have let God begin to restore.  I begin to panic when I don't see things the way I want them and sink into a pit of doubt and frustration.

I confess I don't understand.  I don't understand what God has in mind.   Sometimes I get so confused.

Thanks for lending me the Meet Me at the Well book, Twila.  It continues to be so refreshing.  In the chapter "I feel like a miracle in slow motion" she writes this,

"Extended periods of stress can end in slow motion.  One by one the pressures release their grip.  You can breathe normally again.  Freedom seeps back by small degrees.   But will it last?  It seems too good to be true."

I relate to that.  Will it last this time?  Will I slip back into a state of overwhelm?  Will I become frustrated with my circumstances again today?

Coming home from the lake I had a renewed desire to do some house cleaning.  Realizing that this is a short season where we are actually NOT running carpools or sporting events made me realize I really need to do some things around here!  I was afraid I was going to overwhelm myself and take too big of bite and burn out fast!  So far I have had 2 good days of going back to FLY LADY and getting some things accomplished!  Fly Lady talks about baby steps.  Doing things 15 minutes at a time.  Having a morning routine. 

I wanted to freshen up my house again too.  Sunday night I was telling my sister what I wanted to do, and the ideas I had.  How I was afraid I would jump in with both feet and panic!  Then I said, lets just move this over here right now!  So we did!  We moved some things, we rearranged some of the pictures on my walls, we moved some of the decorations around!  It felt so good!!

One of my ideas is to paint my kitchen cabinets.  My neighbor did hers awhile back.  I remember how neat they were and how simple she said it was to do.  It is kind of the distressed look (fitting for me!  LOL!!)  I decided yesterday to try it out on a smaller project, my hutch.  I did.  At first I was in a panic, I wasn't sure at all if I liked it.  My mom and sister have come over and both given the thumbs up.  Not sure if I am up for doing the whole kitchen yet, or how it would look to do it in the whole kitchen, but I am considering it.

Here are some pictures of the progress…

Before…

After painting…

This is the top, not the bottom, but this is after sanding and staining over the paint to make distressed look…

I need to finish the bottom and do a coat of varnish on it.  Simple and not too overwhelming!!  (okay, I was a little stressed last night and sent the kids to bed without their evening routine).

But, when you have a teenager doing things like this what do you expect!!

 

First of all MY FLASH STARTED WORKING AGAIN ON MY CAMERA when I went to try to take this picture last night!  And as to why he is parked this direction (see my van behind his car parked the right direction) I have no clue.

I didn’t buy the insurance on my camera.  For it to start working properly is a miracle!!  THANK YOU JESUS!!!

I didn't start Kiahna's hair yet, painting is more fun.  It's looking pretty shabby (the hair, and the cabinet I guess!)

Have a good day!  Thanks for listening, praying and supporting us.

Pam

Off to the Lake we go…

Good Morning!  I’m gonna have to tie my hands exert self control and make this my last post until we return from the lake next weekend!  I love my computer!  I love my computer friends!  I love interacting with people outside of my house in the midst of busy days that are overly filled with the mundane and the antics of raising so many kids with such a wide age range!  Blogging, e-mailing, reading other people’s blog stories about their lives!  Misery loves company?

For me, when I began sharing with a few friends through e-mail, which has now become this blog, I would get into those frantic, overwhelming, you’ve got to be kidding me, moments of life and feel a measure of relief knowing that, even if no one was reading, I could share with my friends what happened and we could all laugh at my life together.  And then we could turn around and laugh at their lives, as we all realize that this mothering thing is just plain hard!

While we are on vacation this coming week, my oldest child will turn 17.  Yes, 17.  I had him when I was 8.  Any comments left by anyone telling me that I look way to young to have a child this old will automatically become my new best friend!! 

I think that the scariest thing about having a child turn 17 is that I remember so clearly where I was and what I did and what I was thinking at that age!  (since it was only a few years ago!  LOL)  I was young in my grade.  He is old in his grade.  But I graduated high school when I was still 17!!!  And the truth is that I was not quite 19 when I had him! 

Bless James Lord as he turns 17.  Growing up with a crazy mom who still deals with her own mistakes and the consequences that they hold.  Growing up with hurt of life that can potentially cause so much bitterness and anger.  I pray that all the circumstances we have lived out will be used for good by God in your life, James.  And that you will find peace and rest in knowing that God is so good to you. 

James and Jadon jumping on the tramp a few weeks ago…

I don’t think I shared that James won “Most Improved” for his track season this spring.  I don’t remember times or anything important like that, but I do know that it was for his improvement in the 110 high hurdles.  I was disappointed not to get a better picture.  They move so fast.  James is in the red shirt, the coach is in the gray shirt.

To give you a small feel for what our week at the lake will be like… here is a picture of all the kids from last year….

WOW!  I can’t believe how much these kids have grown!  I had to double check the date to make sure this wasn’t 2 years ago!  It isn’t!!  I think each of my kids has grown a whole foot in the past year!  OH MY!!

As for that annoying music that now plays on my blog.  I am removing that when I come back.  So if you haven’t scrolled to the bottom and realized that I made a slide show using my Florida pictures and that is where the music is coming from, it will not be there for long!  The music options I had when I made that were limited, and it is driving me nuts! 

Okay, prying myself away and going to face the reality of the packing that needs to be done…

Who needs television...

...when you have children????

Ever feel like you are stuck in some unending sitcom, you know one of those frustrating ones that make you want to leave the room!!

I had one of those afternoons.  The kind that finds your preschoolers into amazing messes that blow your mind at their creative tendencies... and also finds you dealing with teens who know it all and think that you were born yesterday!!

After a nutritious dinner of Pizza Hut Pizza!  I informed my two oldest boys that we would be cleaning the debris out of the yard.  To which my 16 year old promptly decided that he needed to go to a graduation party.  Sure, after the sticks are picked up.

The next 2 hours involved me micromanaging two teenage, strong, smart, capable boys into what was a stick, what was a twig, and what was a log...

teen:  "you said we only had to pick up the big sticks"

me:  "I said we had to pick up the sticks"

teen:  "you said logs"

me:  "I said all these sticks"

teen:  "is that it?"

me:  "no"

teen:  "can I go now?"

me: "your done when I'm done"

teen:  "your picking up all the sticks, not just the big ones"

me:  "yes, they dull the mower blade"

teen:  "this is taking so long"

me:  "if you had done it fast the first time, we'd be done now"

teen:  "whatever"

I fill two wagons with sticks... teens practice their throwing skills tossing them one at a time into the woods...

teen:  "are you done yet?"

me:  "if I was done I would be in the house with something cold to drink and not out here picking up sticks!  Be thankful you aren't cleaning up whole trees like so many others are today!"

teen:  heavy sigh

Meanwhile, on the other side of the yard... two preschoolers are playing on the road...

me:  "get off the road"

preschooler:  "we aren't on the road, we're by the road"

me: "GET AWAY FROM THE ROAD"

me:  "stop squeezing the cat"

teen:  "you want me to show you what it feels like to be squeezed like that?"

preschooler:  "I have to go potty"

me:  "go"

preschooler:  "help me"  (then runs ahead of me, into the bathroom, and locks the door behind her)

Preschooler proceeds to empty 1/2 the toothpaste into the sink...

me:  "why did you do this?"

preschooler:  "cause"

Finally the sticks are satisfactory... I have my cool drink... I go to rescue yet one more kitten from the clutches of a preschooler who is stomping her feet in defiance at my suggestion that she NOT touch them anymore today!!

Only to return to find preschooler #2 drinking my cool drink, and inform me that he doesn't want any more, because there is a bug in it... thanks...

Return to the house to find preschooler #1... time for baths and bed!  YEAH!!!  Open bathroom door to find, no one in the room, water running full blast, Elmo floating in the sink, sink drain closed, the rest of the toothpaste floating with Elmo in the sink...

me:  "GET IN THE TUB!"

Two preschoolers in the tub... why is the water pressure so low?  Washer is running, dishwasher is running... still, this is really low... I leave the bathroom to find that the outside spicket is running full force flooding the back yard... shut it off...

Return to the bathroom... smell the shampoo from the hallway... find two preschoolers dumping out shampoo and body wash, making bubbles in their tub.

BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT...

Needing to find away for 3 and 4 year olds to make money so pay for their own shampoo and tooth paste!!

Proceed to wash said preschoolers...

Proceed to read to said preschoolers...

Proceed to put said preschoolers into bed with an exhausted kiss and hug...

Day done...

Go to the basement only to find teen who couldn't wait to leave, back home again!  LOL!!  And other teen HOGGING MY COMPUTER!!!  Doesn't he know how busy my week has been and how much I need to be on there!  No, he needs to talk on MSN to 10 friends at once! 

Since being on here... must have heard teen say... "are you done yet" 5 times??

Didn't get any pictures of today's disasters!  Too bad!!  I am pretty sure that there were even more that I can't even remember right now... you know,... some things you just block out to cope!!

Here are a few shots from the past...