This has ended up being one of my favorite pictures from Christmas! Leah’s face just cracks me up!! I didn’t even see her do that, until I looked at the pictures!
To see more Wordless Wednesday posts, go to 5 Minutes for Mom.
Happy last day of 2008!!
Pam
There is an urgent need for prayer for Baby Stellan… the Miracle baby of McKMamma and Family. For most recent updates, go to her blog, on the sidebar and check the “Twitter” posts.
So much need for prayer all around…
DEAR FATHER, YOU SEE OUR PAIN, YOU KNOW OUR NEEDS, EVEN BEFORE WE DO… WE ASK THAT YOU COME. YOU MEET US WHERE WE ARE, AND HELP US, BY YOUR GRACE. GIVE US STRENGTH TO PRAISE YOU WHEN WE JUST WANT TO GIVE UP. TO BELIEVE YOU WHEN WE DON’T SEE ANY POSSIBLE HOPE. TO NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU REGARDLESS OF OUR CIRCUMSTANCES OR HOW THINGS LOOK TO OUR HUMAN EYES. WE NEED YOUR STRENGTH TO BELIEVE IN MIRACLES.
FOR STELLAN, YOU HAVE BROUGHT HEALING TO HIS HEART, AND WE HAVE PRAISED YOU… THIS ILLNESS NOW, WE DON’T UNDERSTAND, BUT WE STILL PRAISE YOU, AND WE ASK FOR WISDOM, GUIDANCE, AND DIRECTION. WE ASK FOR CONTINUED HEALING… WE BELIEVE YOU FOR IT.
IN JESUS NAME, AMEN.
Pam
No Not Me Monday post today… although I cannot tell you how much I wish this post was Not about me…
Christmas is a few days past… our lives have been running at a break-neck speed since, oh, sometime mid-November… I’ve been walking around, pretending to be a somewhat normal person… it’s been kinda nice.
Yesterday morning in church, I found myself full of emotion. A mountain of feelings began to overflow, and could no longer be contained.
What is this? I thought I was doing okay?
But. I’m not. Nothing about my life is normal. Nothing about my circumstances are normal. Worry and Fear are trying to have their way with me.
I should be used to that by now though. So what is my problem? My problem is that I just can’t find it in myself to accept the way things are. To be okay with them.
Blah…
I don’t feel like this is coming out like it was running through my mind… maybe I should back up.
We really, really, really had a nice Christmas. We did. It was peaceful. Joyful. A blessing. I berate myself, because I know how much worse things could be and how blessed we truly are!
Except for that one-little-constant black cloud.
You’ve probably been wondering how/if HSSH handled Christmas.
Yeah. That.
Christmas morning. He called. When he knew we were in church.
I let the kids hear the message. No one called him back. Zach, in fact, was the only one that voiced any opinion. He said, “I am not here, if you all call him back.”
No one else said a word.
I was torn. What do I do? Do I encourage them more to call him?
I wondered if Leah had heard the message, I didn’t think she was in the room when it played. So by evening, I brought it up to her. I asked if she had heard the message, and she said she had. I asked her if she wanted to call him. She quietly said, “no.”
The next day, day after Christmas, they get a card in the mail from him. It has some money and a note… I feel like it is almost worse than being ignored completely. A real slap in the face.
Again, I suggest that calling him to say thank you would probably be appropriate… again, no one says a word. Again, I mention it to Leah on her own, she says, “not right now.”
I can’t come up with a way to explain to my 4 & 5 year old, who cannot read and don’t know the value of a $20 bill, that this is their gift from their dad… so I say nothing to them.
Time passes… and it is making me more and more upset… more angry… more frustrated… I think, I am more upset by this than they are… I believe that I am worrying about the long term ramifications of his choices…
I can’t fix this. I can’t stop this. I can’t change this. All I can do is continue, as I have for over three years now, to cry out to the only One who can… and sometimes He seems incredibly silent.
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So, this morning I sit in church… and the pastor reads in Job and then in Proverbs… In Job (38-41) where God answers Job’s question of “why”, putting Job in perspective (words I need to read daily)… and Job replies, finally in 42…
1 Then Job replied to the LORD :
2 "I know that you can do all things;
no plan of yours can be thwarted.3 You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.4 "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.'5 My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.6 Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes."
…and my own thoughts go to places of repentance… repentance for the doubts, the fears, the anger, the frustration… everything that overwhelms me… over and over and over again.
And I face the place that my biggest problems lies. Really. My biggest problem is that I have to do what God is asking me to do. I have to believe what He is asking me to believe. And it makes no sense. It is not reasonable. Rational. Or comprehendible.
If I didn’t care about HSSH, if I didn’t feel. If I didn’t want things to be different than they are. If I didn’t believe God could change things. If I didn’t want God to change things. If I didn’t love…
If I didn’t love.
How? How can you love someone who treats us this way? How?
I don’t know.
It’s not a human love.
It’s God’s love.
This must be a glimmer of the way that He loves us. Has to be.
So… this must also be a glimmer of how He is hurt by us… Has to be.
I confess, I don’t much like it… It leaves me vulnerable in a way I don’t like… sometimes I just want to walk away and pretend like I didn’t hear HIM say what I know He’s said…
But, He never walks away from us… in the midst of the hardship, I am still glad to be learning. I am so Glad that He is God, and He loves like this, all the time… Like the pastor said yesterday, God will always find something about us to love, no matter what we have done… I have that same feeling about HSSH… how can that not be of God?
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Leah and I were watching Prince Caspian the other day. The scene was where the 4 children, and others walk, into the shrine where the stone table is, Aslan has not been seen for 100’s of years… they light the fire that goes all around the room and they see Aslan’s engraved picture on the wall… Looking at Aslan’s face, Lucy says, “He must know what he’s doing.” They all look at each other, and Aslan, and Peter says, “I think it’s up to us now.”
I sat there thinking… that is what I feel… So often I begin to think that it is up to me to figure this out… I thought HE knew what HE was doing… I feel like they must have felt. Like He must have forgotten us…
Leah turned and said to me… “that is just like we are as we wait for Jesus to return. People think, ‘He’s not coming back’”
I told her she was right, I also told her that that is how we can be in our lives, when we think God has given us a promise here on earth, and so much time goes by…and God is no where to be seen… it must be up to us now…
She smiled. She understood how I was feeling about HSSH, she feels the same way.
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I wouldn’t be honest with you if I didn’t tell you that I doubted my own words after that… I hoped I wasn’t giving her false hope… someone told me today, God’s reputation is His problem, not ours… I sure hope I never falsely represent Him… I also don’t want to miss a chance to believe for a miracle… with my kids.
I’ve already had one of my boys say that they are frustrated with God over this… it is so hard to wait, it is so hard to see them doubt…it is so hard to know the right thing to do. What to say. Too often I just say nothing.
James resists my authority… pushing to be grown up… I feel out of control there…
I dread, dread taking Kiahna back to preschool and dealing with her issues… she does so well at home, I just want to hide away with her and pretend she is okay… please?
I am going to wait until morning to hit publish on this… and if I feel peace about it I’ll post it… it may not make sense to anyone, I am not sure it even makes sense to me… but you’ll pray for your mixed up friend and her six kids anyway, won’t you?
Maybe I’ll wake up and this will all go away… one can dream.
Pam
It didn’t go away, ;) And after praying for the words to make myself a little more clear… I hope it makes a little bit more sense.
For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless.
for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.
--Proverbs 2:6-8
Just a few more of my Christmas favorites, before I move on to more serious subjects…
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| Make a Smilebox slideshow |
Pam
Welcome to Week 16 of YOUR GONNA MISS THIS… MOMENT! I had forgotten that it was time again, until I saw the ever faithful Mimi had already posted her “moment”! She’s keeping me on my toes!! Thanks Mimi!
I would say that this is the time of year that we reflect the most. It is probably the time, in the future, that we will find ourselves missing the days that we are in the most… regardless of how hard we think they are today, one day we’ll miss something about these days.
There is just something about small children and Christmas… Or really anytime. They have an innocence that is so precious to us. How quickly they don’t speak out their wonder, for fear of embarrassment, ridicule, being too “cool”…
I have a couple of these precious events to share with you this week…
This has been Kiahna’s favorite toy for the past couple weeks. It is from an old Fisher Price Nativity set… and it’s the Baby Jesus.
I found it quite amazing. No one had to tell her how precious This Baby was. No one pointed out to her the importance of The Baby, above the other characters in the set. Suddenly she was just taken in by Him.
We went to the hospital when she was sick at the beginning of last week. This is when I noticed just how much she was recognizing Him.
Driving down the block downtown, and she yells from the back of the van… “there He is! there is The Baby!”
Walking through the hospital, headed to the x-ray department to detect possible pneumonia… “MOM, I see HIM! Look! It The Baby!” And the people around us, sigh & smile.
Sitting in the waiting room… so sick she can barely talk… “mom, I can’t see Him… (whine)(wheeze)… lift me up… mom… I can’t see Him… mooooommmmmmm…(wheeze, wheeze)” Then I realize what she is talking about, and lift her up to see the nativity, that is up high, in the wise pediatric ward.
If only we all took that much notice of Him every day.
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Jadon saw this picture I posted of Kiahna and wanted me to take one of him too… that’s my Jadon.
…30 minutes before my parents were to arrive at our house to have dinner on Christmas day, Jadon says, “I want to make a gift for Grandma.”
To which I kindly replied… “um, sure… (as I slice the ham, whip the potatoes, wash dishes, set the table, create the mood) why not make a gift for Grandma yet… not like we didn’t give her a gift yesterday!?!
You got it… I went on with my preparations… and promptly forgot about Jadon’s request.
Jadon on the other hand, realizing his mother’s lack of interest in helping him create this precious gift for his Grandma, went on to make one for himself…
This, of course, is a “pencil shooter” Just what every Grandma needs!!
At least I paused enough to take a picture!
By the time my mom arrived, I am not sure that the “pencil shooter” was even recognizable. I gave him a gift bag to put it in, and he filled it with many more treasures to “give to grandma”… I had to stop him as he tried to add a huge stack of books to the bag.
I love this heart of giving… giving of himself… giving of the things that he treasures… the way giving was meant to be.
Now tell us… what will you miss?
Pam
If you have never played along, you can read the YOUR GONNA MISS THIS guidelines here. As the blogs who play along are posted in the box below, make sure you go read what they post, and leave them a comment on their blogs!
Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one's youth.Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.--Psalms 127:3-5
And my sister and brother-in-law (Sally & Jeremy) had this surprise, on the month of June, inside the calendar we gave to my parents…
God is amazing! He takes us by surprise. He Blesses Us. Fills us with Joy! Peace! Love!
Pam
“Then the trees of the forest will sing, they will sing for joy before the LORD, for he comes to judge the earth.”
--1 Chronicles 16:22
Pam
Our Tree says it best…
“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
-- Isaiah 9:6
And He is…
And the two that we’re not asleep at midnight… and were not sleeping by the tree…
Pam
Maybe you got a card from our family this year… no letter enclosed, but a little sticker on the back told you that you could catch up with us on our blog… or maybe none of those people will look at the back, or remember to check it out. Maybe this is just for all of you who didn’t get my Christmas Card this year… in the mail… our virtual, Christmas Card/Letter…
Do you write a letter and include it in your Christmas Cards? I usually do. This year though, it seemed a little redundant! How many people have been following us all year long on this blog. Do they really want to hear it all again?? Hopefully, someone out there, got our Christmas Card, and will stay in touch throughout the year, because you just found our blog! (leave me a comment or send me an e-mail telling me your found us!!)
One of the features of a blog is that I can set categories, and you can read posts by the categories I have selected for them. If you want to read the posts about how God has really been working in the daily grind of our lives, you can click this link to the Testimony Posts.
This year we marked three years of HSSH (if you are just visiting, this is the term I use for my ex-husband). Much healing has taken place this year in many of us. We began counseling at the newly opened out-patient counseling at House of Hope, you can read about some of our experiences of healing here.
James is in his Junior Year of High School, & turned 17 this past summer. He keeps himself very busy playing football, swimming, and running track. Add to that a girlfriend, Alisen… and sometimes actually doing school work. Read about James' year here... the broken leg, the Sunshine Banquet… it’s all under that link!
Zach is in the 8th grade, & 14 years old. He surpassed me (and grandpa) in height this year! He’s still playing football, basketball, & baseball. Read all about Zach's year here. He had a broken bone too. ;) He spends many an hour with his friends, going over to their houses, or having them here. He is, by far, the one that wants to go, go, go the most!
Leah started junior high this year! 6th grade and 11 years old! She is growing up so much, physically and mentally… Leah did a lot of yodeling this year, she had a night at the Gospel Barn, and yodeled with a friend at the school talent show in the spring. But, as summer turned to fall, and junior high began, her yodeling days have ended for the time being… hoping she’ll have many more days of singing! She has such a beautiful voice. Read all the post's labeled Leah here.
Lucas is in the 4th grade this year, and is 10 years old! TWO HANDS FULL! He’s my quiet one. Sweet, obedient, loving, and kind-hearted. But, many times he is found “quietly” sneaking up a tree, scaling a pole to a basketball goal, or in the tree house. He works so hard at his school work, and is reaping the benefits of that. The posts labeled Lucas are here. See what he has found to show me now… snakes, bugs, butterflies, mud… oh my.
Jadon has had a great year. He has had MUCH healing. Miraculous Healing. In the early part of the year, I didn’t know if I was going to survive. And now, I have a different kid. You can read much of the story if you click these links about Jadon. He is 5 years old now, in his last year of preschool. Praising God for the amazing things HE has done in Jadon’s heart this year!
Kiahna, my baby, turned 4 in August. She started preschool, and then she stopped going to preschool. We’ve had a hard past few months together. Things are improving, and miracles are being expected and received… but we have had some hard times, and I am sure that we have some more ahead. We don’t have many answers for some of the ways she behaves. Praying for help and wisdom. Read about our journey this year with Kiahna, here. She is so beautiful, and has a promise of a hope and a future. I learned about Yarn Braiding this year! She’s had beautiful yarn extensions since April!
This year we went to Florida with my parents & sister’s family in March. In July we went to Lake James with my whole family. In August we had friend’s visit us from out of state. We saw much of our community through their eyes! Then we packed up and followed them part of the way home, to St. Louis, where we visited the Gateway Arch, and one of our favorite places, The City Museum! Not to mention many other family times together this year.
My sister got married this year. It has been such an amazing time of healing for her and for me. Everyone loves her husband Ben, he’s such a blessing to our family.
Life for me… continues to be in the full time mom capacity. What a blessing. I am faced often with how different things could be for me and our entire family… like every time one of our loving friends sends us a gift of support… or a bill comes, and someone has paid it… or it is Christmas, and we are blessed beyond measure, not only financially, but with so many loving people praying and supporting us. There truly are no words…
God has been more than good to us in 2008. Circumstances we are living with on a daily basis are still hard many times, but time and God have healed many more of our wounds this year. I had to think of how true it is again, as in the book we are reading this Christmas, Bartholomew’s Passage, said, “…But words did little to comfort, though it was nice he was trying. Bartholomew thought between his own sobs. Words could do little. Only time and Jehovah would heal this wound.”
HE is Good, All the time.
Love,
Pam
As I sit here this morning, there is stillness… I hear the music (from my blog) playing low, the fireplace crackling behind me… I lit some candles this morning and did my devotions by candlelight… peace fills my heart. Peace that comes from God.
It will be a beautiful day. Filled with family, food, fun… the kids will be loud, their energy will far outlast ours… they will have trouble falling asleep tonight, and wake far earlier tomorrow morning…
There is just nothing like the magic of Christmas…
“Again therefore Jesus spoke to them, saying, ‘I am the light of the world; he who follows Me shall not walk in the darkness, but shall have the light of life.’” John 8:12
Merry Christmas.
Pam
I should have just shut the thing off and forgot about it until after Christmas. Sometimes I hate how stubborn I am. I finally think I have most of the issues my computer is having figured out.
Did you know that Blogger only allows you so much free blog space and then after that you have to pay for more mega-bytes? I didn’t either. I have paid for 10 more mega-bytes of space, and now we will see if I can’t be back in the blogging (with pictures) business! It says it may take 24 hours for the mega-bytes to show up in my account, so I am still waiting on that.
I still haven’t figured out how to retrieve that post I wrote, touring our house for Christmas… I’ll work on that next.
I’ve got many of the things retrieved and downloaded back on my computer… Praise God!! (I didn’t have any addresses to go with the names in my e-mail account! And my printer wouldn’t work, it wanted the original software, that I couldn't find!)
Our gas tank is filled, and our house is nice and warm. We are getting more ice as I type though, and James isn’t home… uhg.
Tomorrow (Christmas Eve) we will be with my family at my parent’s house. On Christmas Day we will have our own Christmas celebration here at home!
Hope you are all warm, happy, and surrounded by those you love…
Pam
UPDATED: Forget it… the frustrations aren’t gone. I found the software for my camera, installed it, added pictures to one of the posts from the other day… got an error message. AGAIN! STILL!
Anyone out there using Window’s Live Writer? Anyone having trouble with it? What are you using to write with?? HELP ME PLEASE!
ORIGINAL POST:
…and all the old frustrations are gone! It is fast! It has a wonderful external hard drive!! It is amazing!! But. All the elements I had set up on it are gone. I have to start all over. I can’t figure out how to put pictures on my posts… So. Back to square one. And I don’t want to take time to do this on the day before, the day before, Christmas.
So.
I’ll have to go dig up some hardware to get this camera thing working I guess… I’ll have to figure out how to work this all over again.
We have run out of propane gas… our house upstairs is 65. Downstairs, where the wood burner is it is 85. Thankful for our wood burner, AGAIN!! Thankful that the gas company will bring more gas today! (I hope!)… thankful that in perspective, my house is not freezing. We didn’t have to move out because we have not had electricity since last Friday. We didn’t lose our furnace, washer/dryer, oven, microwave, etc. due to faulty generator hook up. We didn’t lose our garage to fire, because of a frozen garage door and a space heater. We didn’t lose our whole house to fire, escaping only with our lives… all of these things have happened to others living in a close radius to us… so who am I to complain.
Merry Christmas.
Going to throw another log on the fire…
Pam
Welcome to a special Christmas version of YOUR gonna miss this... Moment! I hope that you all play along! I also hope that you go to visit the blogs that play and leave them lovely comments!
So? What you gonna miss? What do you already miss? I can come up with a long list.
* Dressing up little girls and their dolls in matching dresses.
* Having all of my children home with me, under one roof, all the time. Spending time together, because our lives that run at break-neck speed the rest of the year seem to slow, at least over the 2 weeks of Christmas break.
* Making Cookies... when boys eat all the ones they decorate, and lose interest. When little kids (and some not so little) cover their cookies in more sprinkles than frosting... and little girls who stick out til the last cookies is done.
* Children thrilled with hot co-co before bed.
* Reading Christmas Stories before bed... this is the tradition I want to tell you about... and will be one that I will miss when my kids are gone. It is also one that will be very hard to continue with grandchildren, (unless, for some unfortunate reason they live with me... NOOOOO!!!!)
About 8 years ago, I am guessing, I started buying what ended up being a trilogy of books by Arnold Ytreide. The first book is called, Jotham's Journey, the second is Bartholomew's Passage, and the third is Tabitha's Travels. All of these books are out of print (as you can see from their prices, used, on Amazon or E-bay.) So, if you get a chance at getting your hands on one, or all of these, grab them up!
The books are stories for Advent. Divided up into sections to read a portion each night of Advent. They are filled with suspense, and have a small section of devotional after each portion. Each story is about a fictional child living in the time of Christ's birth. While, each story is different, some of the character's meet along the way, which is exciting for the kids! Each story ends up in the stable in Bethlehem.
My kids have loved hear these. We are working on our third time through them. James and Zach haven't been listening this year... makes me sad. They do love the stories, and they will always remember them, I am sure.
I am going to miss this...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
Deep Breathing...
Deep Breathing...
I love my computer. I bless it. It has served me very well for the past 9 years. I would never think of throwing it through a window, or kicking it to the curb doing anything but loving and blessing it.
I suppose I have a virus. I suppose the fact that it is taking about the time it takes me to fold a load of laundry to change screens, should be my first sign.
If I didn't need it to spew out my address labels (please, oh please, oh please cooperate!) for my Christmas cards. (after I buy the address labels of course) I would have ripped every cord from this thing and threw it in my van gently removed the cords and tenderly carried it to my van, to take it to the repair shop today.
You see... I participated in this wonderful, fun, blog carnival, called Christmas House Tour. I had the post all written (with tons of pictures) before 8:30. But, it won't publish. I get a server error every time.
I have gotten so much house work done, don't get me wrong. Because this computer is running so slow. But, I keep stubbornly returning (this is where my children get it, yes, I know this) to my computer, PRAYING that it publishes.
Why? Because it is fun. Because I spent the time working on it. Because I am crazy, obsessive, compulsive and dawg-on-it... I WANT IT TO WORK!!!
Deep Breathing...
Deep Breathing...
Do me a favor. If by chance this publishes. And if by A MIRACLE, the other publishes, leave me lots of comments. I need to know it was worth all the hair I have laying beside my computer....
Kiahna didn't wake up feeling so great... In fact she feel back asleep twice after she initially got up. But, since about 10 am, (and some Motrin) she has been eating again, playing again, and being sassy... I'd say she is well on her way to recovery...
I tried it with one picture... it failed to publish... take two...
please publish...
Pam
Our week has started off with a bang.
You can always tell those things, ya know?
It starts out with everything you were "supposed" to do being put off by a sick child.
Kiahna woke up this morning, coughing, wheezing, and barely able to talk she was so congested. So, we've exposed her (and everyone else to her) to all the germs at the hospital's pediatric ward & x-ray ward this morning. We've waited (while getting groceries) for a prescription for breathing treatments... and we are home for a couple hours before we run off again. (the breathing treatments worked wonders, and the x-ray was clear)
She and Jadon will stay with Grandma, while Leah and I get hair cuts.
Lucas is getting picked up by my sister at "Just Say No".
I will pick Zach up from basketball after our hair cuts.
My parents are driving the hour plus drive to watch James swim in a swim meet.
(and my sister doesn't know it yet, but she is getting J & K too, because I won't be back from getting Zach before my parents need to leave)
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Tomorrow... I was supposed to take Kiahna to school. Don't think I will do that. Being sick is a good reason (even if she is feeling better) to stay home tomorrow.
Zach has a game, we need to leave home by 4:30 to get there.
I need to re- schedule a recheck, for Jadon, at the chiropractor, for on our way to this game. It was supposed to be Wednesday, but there is just no way. Zach needs one too, but it isn't going to happen. Can't do it.
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Wednesday... Jadon has preschool, I'd like to finish up the last of the stocking stuffers while he's there.
Counseling appointments at 4:00
Zach needs picked up at 6:30
All the 4 oldest have practice for our church Christmas program.
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Thursday... Kiahna has preschool. I have to help decorate, with Zach and Leah, for a junior high dance. Then rush home, help Leah dress for the formal dance, (and do her hair!) get dressed myself, and chaperone the dance.
James has another away swim meet.. this one over 1 1/2 hours away. (but right in his dad's backyard, maybe he will actually attend? James invited him) (none of us are attending)
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Friday... last day of school. Jadon and Kiahna both have Christmas parties at their preschools (20 minutes apart) that I will (with the help of my parents) try to get them to.
Mom and Dad are hosting their annual cousin's only Christmas! I will be free!! I am looking for something to do that is fun! (anyone game!?!)
Oh, the kids will all have big tests to study for this week, teachers have the nerve to expect us to fit homework in yet this week?? SHEESH!!
When thinking of planning meals for the week... it's almost a joke! I went back to the way I used to provide meals for my family when we were in constant survival mode. Shopping in the frozen food aisle for quick things we can warm up.
Speaking of warm. It is so cold out today. I wrapped Kiahna's head in my scarf going in and out of the hospital and Walmart. She wasn't all that happy, but she coughs so much with that cold air! And it is windy and 17 degrees today! BRRRRRRR!!!!!!
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So, how am I going to do all this? My parents are going to help. And I am going to have low expectations and be flexible. If it all gets accomplished. Great. Do I think it will? Probably not.
Angie, at Bring the Rain is memorizing Psalm 139 beginning yesterday. I think I need to join her. She also shared this video on her blog. I think I needed to hear this too.
It's Sanctus Real, singing Whatever You're Doing.
So, there you go. Will I blog much this week? Who knows. I may need the outlet!!
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From Angie @ Bring the Rain
Psalm 139 (NIV)
1 O LORD, you have searched me and you know me 2You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. 4Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
5You hem me in-behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. 6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 8If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, 10even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," 12even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men! 20They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD, and abhor those who rise up against you? 22I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. 24See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Schedule:
I am starting this tomorrow, but feel free to do it at your own pace. If you choose to begin with me, we will finish on January 1st…what a way to start the New Year!!!
It is so important to have the word of God hidden in our hearts and this one is just amazing and so life-giving. I grouped the daily verses together in case you want to print them out and make them little note-cards (that’s usually the easiest way for me to memorize scripture).
***You can DO this!!!*** Don’t get discouraged if you get behind. I am praying for you all as we seek to serve Him with our whole lives.
Let’s get going, girls!!! You’re 18 days away from the power of Psalm 139 in your heart!
Day 1: Memorize verses 1&2
Day 2: Memorize verses 3&4
Day 3: Review/Catch Up
Day 4: Memorize verses 5&6
Day 5: Memorize verses 7&8
Day 6: Review/Catch Up
Day 7: Memorize verses 9&10
Day 8: Memorize verses 11&12
Day 9: Review/Catch Up
Day 10: Memorize verses 13&14
Day 11: Memorize verses 15&16
Day 12: Review/Catch Up
Day 13: Memorize verses 17&18
Day 14: Memorize verses 19&20
Day 15: Review/Catch Up
Day 16: Memorize verses 21&22
Day 17: Memorize verses 23&24
Day 18: Review/ Catch Up
You can do it!!! Praying alongside you, friends...
Ang (at Bring the Rain)
Pam
Here we are again. So, what has you thinking this week? What are you going to miss? What are you choosing to treasure? What are you sure that you won't miss, today, but you aren't so sure about tomorrow? When it is gone. I hope that you take the time to join me this week. Many of us have been changed by taking these opportunities to think about how fleeting the time is... and choosing to treasure it.
I hope that you read the links of those who are joining me. And leave them some comment love on their blogs! Make sure if you are playing along that you leave the link to the EXACT post you want us to read for this carnival. Not just a link to your blog. If you have more questions read this post, or feel free to e-mail me.
So, as I sat pondering what to write about last night... I couldn't think. There was James, teaching himself to play the electric guitar in his bedroom (which is in our basement, near our computer). There was Leah, teaching herself to play the piano, in the basement, near my computer. There were Jadon and Kiahna playing, loudly, behind me. Lucas turned on a video game, again. Near me. Zach wasn't home. Isn't it lovely when we can all be together as a family like that?
So, why did my head want to explode? And my senses scream for silence!?!
Will I one day hate how quiet my house is? I know I will. If only it could be bottled up and used in smaller increments, spread out over the years...
So, I am choosing to treasure my noisy house. I am thankful that my children are here with me. That they are creative and exploratory. And that they want to be near me.
I may buy ear plugs, or a good mp3 player to drown them out when I go into sensory overload... so I can just look at them playing their instruments, games, and wrecking havoc on my furniture... and smile. Okay, maybe it will take more than ear plugs or good music. Perhaps I need a blind fold and a good sedative some days... but I want to treasure it... I do.
I know I am going to miss this.
Pam
I took Kiahna to get her testing done today by A/W services. A county funded program.
Let me back up though. I also took her to CC preschool this morning, for the 4th time. I realized this morning that leaving her there with the teacher is not going to happen any time soon. The teacher won't be able to handle her on her own. She has no helper. And although A (our counselor) says and wants to help out, we didn't even see him there today. He is the principal, teacher, and pastor at that school... Other things come up besides us. Expecting him to be there to help Kiahna twice a week is not realistic. As much as he would argue with me, and would want to be, it just isn't. So, I realized and accepted that I would just be going with her, until further notice. I don't mind. I enjoy playing with the kids. The teacher is noticeably able to be more effective in working with children as I take some and play with them while she works with others. It will work. Kiahna will get the much needed social interaction she needs, and I'll enjoy spending time with her. It's fine.
I tried leaving the room for awhile today. Kiahna seems to seek a reaction. She looked (and saw) me out the window and walked over and put her hands on another child and pushed him. (within 1 minute of me leaving the room)
I'll have just to work in at least one other time each week that I can get a break. Last week I met for lunch and prayer. I don't know when or how I will do Bible Study on Thursday mornings. It will have to be another time. I'll need to work some things out differently. But it will be fine.
So then we go to this testing. I have already been told in advance, by our pediatrician Dr. F, and by the head lady at A/W, that Kiahna won't qualify because she is too smart. So, I am doing this with no expectation. Only to say that I did it.
Well. Kiahna didn't pass the screening.
She passed on 5 of the 6 areas. Failed the social area. No surprise there. When the lady (Lynette) added up the scores, the total said she didn't pass. She was baffled and re added twice more. Once aloud so I could help her. She didn't have enough points to pass.
So this means she moves on to further evaluation.
Before Lynette added up the scores she told me that she wanted to help Kiahna. And that she was thinking in her mind "how can I help her". She does not believe that the (state) guideline is a good one that keeps some kids out of getting help because they know their colors and numbers. She told me that she "wears her heart on her sleeve for these kids, and really wants to help Kiahna".
She said that Kiahna's "education is being effected by her behavior, not her learning, but her 'education' as a whole"
Here is another thing. The test is scored with the child either receiving a 2,1, or 0. 2 is pass, 1 is 1/2 pass, and 0 is fail. Kiahna got all 2's or 0's except 2-1's. So here is the thing, she knows the stuff. She just either refuses or tunes out the teacher. She will say, "No, I am not going to tell you". Or she will slip into this talking to herself mode and not even realize that anyone is asking her anything (at least she appears to not realize it)
At one time today in the screening she told Lynette she was going to bite her. (Lynette wrote that down). Lynette also said that they would have to take into consideration the way things went at her first preschool. And that could weigh into getting her into their head-start program.
Now, after Christmas she will go back. She will attend their head-start preschool for three days. They will observe, evaluate, and make a decision as far as letting her stay in their program.
I felt relief. Like maybe we would get help and it won't all fall on me (or my dad). Maybe with this woman's help, AND A MIRACLE OF HEALING, she could learn to behave properly in school by the time she goes to kindergarten in a year and a half.
It keeps getting brought up to me, the question of if she was drug exposed. I don't know. I am beginning to believe that she was. As A was praying for her last week, he felt we should pray for healing of her brain. He asked about the drug abuse. Today, Lynette asked about drug abuse.
All wrapped into this is the fact that I am needing to face that my little girl is not the perfect child I ordered. There is a grieving of sorts that goes along with that reality. It's been going on for me for awhile, but today again it was heightened, and I had a lot of mixed feelings. I am glad to get help, but I wish she didn't need it. I never realized how hard it is to be a parent of a child that doesn't fit in the box. It's giving me a new look on parenting, adoption, and special needs kids.
Of course I am asking you to pray. Wisdom, Healing, Guidance, Direction, Hope.... Dear Jesus, HELP US.
As I type those words, I think... How many times have I prayed that simple prayer in the past 3 years? Isn't it amazing that He does. That He can. That He will. And He doesn't get tired of our simplicity.
I really believe He rigged Kiahna's test today to get her the help He wants for her. That was my thought as Lynette was recounting the scores for the third time.
Lead the way... We are following YOU.
Pam
