Ready? Ready to be poured on? This may be a little messy... sometimes I just need to get it all out...
I guess it has been a long while since I've while since I've let you get a good peek at what is really going on in my heart and mind, huh. You are all probably just as busy as I am these days, and don't have time to read anyway! So, I am sure you haven't missed it!
After the wedding stuff was over... Needed a nap!! I woke up to the reality that Christmas is coming quickly and I am NOT at all, even slightly, remotely, ready to present gifts of any sort to my 6 children. And I confess. They need nothing. But, this is what we do anyway. And giving gifts with my kind of attitude isn't all that fun. So as I run out of time for online shopping, and I have limited time to run to the big city stores (an hour away), and I don't have any desire to fight the weekend crowds... And they don't' really need anything... That whole, buy them all a candy cane and buy myself a new camera is looking better and better!! Oh yeah, they are just getting caramel, soap, and toothpaste anyway right!?!
For the past 2 days I have stayed up till past midnight, and spent every waking moment trying to create a gift. After about pulling out my hair, ignoring my house and children, and getting only 5 hours of sleep the past two nights. It's done. It's beautiful. They'll love it.
Oh yes, I did have some of HSSH's family over on Sunday. It went well. It was his sister and her daughter, Sam. His brother and his wife, and their two boys, and Great Grandma. My kids were thrilled. We did turkey, and the whole 9 yards. Leah helped much, and even the boys were a little better than their sloppy selves. Of course J & K chose this time to dump the new bath and body Christmas soap down the drain. And It sent me spiraling over an edge of overwhelm... For a while... Then I recovered. And they spent some time in their rooms... For their safety.
The table set for dinner...
James and his cousin, Sam...
Me and Grandma...
Wresting Cousins...
My kids... sitting on each other... (James' girlfriend Alisen is the lucky one on the bottom!)
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Kiahna's new preschool is going well. Her counselor is on deck to help. And things are getting better. This preschool is much more low key than her old one. Much time is allowed for free play (activity, free play, activity, free play) I think it might be just what Kiahna needs. She needs to learn to play nice. Get along. Al the other stuff will come. She is smart.
Our counselor told me last night that he sees much improvement in her. Honestly, it's hard for me to see too much. You know, when you are dealing with it 24/7. But her fits are better. And I am not calling grandpa to the rescue as much. I have high expectations of how I want my kids to behave. I wonder if I need to lower them sometimes? Or if I am okay?
I heard Dr. Kevin Leman talking about his book Have a new kid by Friday, I think is what it is called. I should get it. It sounds like a very helpful tool to reinforce what I have been attempting to do with natural consequences... But I admit. I am tired. And it sounds like a lot of work. Can't they all just behave?
Jadon met with our counselor today. I was reminded again of the true miracle that has taken place in this young man. He is a different kid that I had a year ago. And the battle has been worth it... It brought tears to the eyes of our counselor when he saw again how well Jadon is doing and acting. That is so encouraging to me.
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Oh, yeah, Mr. Wonderful, AKA HSSH, called today. (it's been months) Guess what? He is going to try to re-enlist in the Army Reserves. (Our counselor told me they don't take you after you turn 39, he just turned 38) He needs original birth certificates and social security cards from me.
Still smiling. See me??
Of course. He will have to pass a physical. That would be a miracle.
He was full of all kinds of lame thoughts and plans that held no water, and had no dates attached to them for Christmas.
Very, very sad.
I hope he gets in. After all, it was all my fault he had to leave that dream job. Let him go back and remember how that all was and how much HE hated it. Maybe he will find some healing.
James said he thought he could respect Jim more if he joined the NG. Interesting.
James also bought an ELECTRIC GUITAR from a friend today. :)
Yes... This is me still smiling.
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After Lana and Ben's wedding, I told God that I was really ready to be done with this whole HSSH thing. I suggested to HIM that HE could bring me someone new and wonderful like HE had done for Lana... And just be done with all this crazy HSSH nonsense.
Are you smiling? God was.
I went to preschool with Kiahna on Tuesday after the wedding. I was helping a little girl with a puzzle. And she was getting frustrated and wanted to quit the puzzle.
I told her that she was doing good, and that she almost had it, and she shouldn't quit now.
WHACK!!
Tell me this happens to you? My own words were the answer to my suggestion to God.
I can't say that I completely agree with HIM. And I know I don't understand HIM.
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When Jadon asked they guy that I walked with in my sister's wedding, if he was going to marry his mom... We laughed. But it was just the start. Jadon wouldn't leave the poor guy alone. The guy was clueless and tolerant of Jadon. And my heart broke as I saw how desperately Jadon wants a dad.
Sigh.
God is amazingly providing for us financially through this Christmas. My kids will be very well taken care of... If I can just work on my attitude and figure out what I am going to get them!!
Off to another day...sorry to have spilled this all over you like this... kind of looks like my house these days... messy. Oh well.
Love,
Pam
In His Grip of Grace I rest
10 comments:
I have to say that whenever times get tough for me I think of you..not in a pity way but of your strength. I know that doesn't make a person feel any better but know that you help me get through my day.
I have Dr. Kevin Leman's video "How to make children mind without losing yours" at home right now and plan on watching it.
I think when you asked God to bring you someone like He did for your sister that is a stepping stone of moving on.
I do pray for you and feel free to pour it all out on us whenever you want.
I'm glad that your dinner went well! Everytime I read your posts, I'm so inspired by you! If I were half as strong as you, then I would be doing good! Keep on a truckin' and I hope you and your family have a wonderful Christmas!
I have to say that I hoped that for you also when I heard about Ben and Lana. You've gone through so much and all we want is for you to find happiness. Now, that may mean a new man, or it may mean total contentment. I would settle for either one.
That was a great pour and feel free to do it any time! :) (putting psychiatrist's out of business one blog at a time!). I am with you...I have the whole denial that Christmas is coming. I do it every year. So much to do so little time. Good luck with it!
Thanks again for sharing, Pam. Your table looked great, btw!
Oh, and I want to see that gift you've been working on!
Thanks for dumping! It helps us all to be REAL with each other.
We are totally simplifying Christmas this year. My kids don't NEED anything either. So, each child got their annual ornament and each child will get their traditional Christmas Eve present of a new pair of pj's. Then, on Christmas, the kids drew names to buy 1 gift for each other. That's it! (And, we don't get ANY presents from friends or relatives. So, 1 present means 1 present.)
Our focus for Christmas is Jesus (reading His Word together) ... family (singing carols around the piano, playing board games or card games, watching traditional Christmas movies together) ... friends (inviting over LOTS of friends during Christmas break) and food (lots of goodies for our times with friends).
We also spend the morning of Christmas Eve baking 10-15 braided "Candy Cane" coffee cakes, and then Jim and I deliver them to our close friends that afternoon. So, we focus on giving ... not getting.
The best gift you could give your kids ... time with a happy, healthy mama.
Blessings,
Laurel :)
Oh, don't you feel better when you can just get it out! So glad that you know you can be real here. And, yes, many take the time to read.
Great to hear about HSSH's family being over and that it went well. Looks like the cousins enjoyed being with each other.
Sure is hard to understand all the "junk" going on in everyone's lives. Again it just makes me more grateful that we can trust the heart of our Heavenly Father.
Praying for ya,
Sheryl
what a load sister! and well god smiles so stinking much at you and your fam...HSSH, don't even know what to say. stand strong. pray. pray more. i'm praying for you.
Hang in there. It will get better. Someday.
It is quite the load to be carrying. Isn't it funny how Mom's don't get choices, we just soldier on. I hope you have many more days when you see progress.
We're all pulling for you.
Yep I hear God quite often when I'm speaking to my children ;) And I just told my friend the other day that my house was messy like my life! I am thankful for Life's blessings and hopeful that something good will come of it. God Bless u & Happy Holidays to u and your family!
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