Can we talk about something else?

Can we think about something else?

My neck, back & behind are sore.

My brain is sore.

I am struggling with overwhelm & low confidence…

photography.

photoshop.

customers.

photo processing.

screen checks.

pricing.

this is starting to feel much more like work than fun.

So, let’s talk about something else, shall we?

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Lucas’ teacher told me this week that he sees now why Lucas doesn’t start sentences with capital letters & end them with periods.

me?

Okay, i used to have this program that made them all capital for me, so I got out of the habit of pushing the shift key, so now it is hard to remember to do it, and all the kids are typing that way, so it makes me feel young and hip right! :)

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Another Varsity Football game tomorrow night. It’s been a hard season.  We won the first 2 games and haven’t won since.  Lots of injuries.  New coach.  It would be so nice to see things come together for the team.

James is pretty bummed.  He wishes he would be passed to more.  He doesn’t understand.  It’s hard for me to understand too.  (remember me, the one who didn’t even know what position my son played and this is year 4 of him playing!)

Hoping for a good game tomorrow night.  Praying for safety for the players.

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If you are reading this and I used to have your e-mail address… and you haven’t heard from me in 3 weeks by e-mail.  It’s because I don’t have your e-mail address anymore.  Please resend.  Thank you.

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I don’t know how things are going with Kiahna and school.  I admit to being a little confused and discouraged.  She is going 3 days.  And the teacher says that it is “much better than last year”.  But she is not anywhere near being capable of handling kindergarten.  Sometimes I wonder if she comprehends. 

She has been learning the letter “P” at school all week… so we are in the van and she hands me her paper and I say…

“Oh, look Kiahna this letter starts mommy’s name, what is this letter?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do, what is this letter?”

“I DONT KNOW”

“Well, what is Mommy’s name?”

“Mommy.”

“No, My name is Pam, what does Pam start with?”

“I don’t know”

“What is this letter?”

“I DONT KNOW!”

The teacher told me this week, “I don’t know how  you do it.” 

I don’t think I like that comment.  That comment makes me feel like she is seeing something I am not.  It makes me feel like Kiahna will not be ready for kindergarten next year.  That comment scares me.

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Blah-dee---Blah-daa…

wanna talk about photography again?

me neither.

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Jadon cut himself in the chin with his scissors at school today.  Got blood on his shirt and went to the nurse and she gave him a clean one.

I’ve washed and returned the school nurse’s shorts 3 times, and now I have a shirt.  Interesting… all my other kids have NEVER went to the nurse for clean clothes…. Jadon has 4 times, in what? 6 weeks of school. (and all 4 times were in the past 2 weeks!)

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Last night I decided that I needed to mop my kitchen floor.  I really didn’t want to.  So, to motivate myself I decided to shatter a 9x13 dish of 1/2 gone chicken enchiladas all over the floor.

The floor is mopped.

Jadon cut his foot tonight.  Guess I missed a spot.

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Poor Jadon…

Poor James…

Poor Kiahna…

Not sure what the other three could complain about… but I am sure we could find something!!

Poor Me!  LOL!!  Sounding kinda whiney and tired, like I should be in bed, aren’t I!

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Heard about an acquaintance who’s husband is doing to her and her children what mine did, this week.  I sat there thinking, I should talk to her, call her, do something to encourage her.

Her faith is strong.  Her hope is too… Much like mine has been.

But, am I an encouragement or a discouragement to someone just starting out on this journey?   I don’t know.  I want to be an encouragement to her… to anyone else going through this nightmare…

Here I am 4 years of hoping, waiting, praying, and walking it out… my circumstances are the same… but I am living life.  I am happy (most of the time, but we aren't talking about how my photography has been going)

I’ve found God to be HUGE in all of this, even as my prayers for HSSH seemingly change nothing in him.  God has taken care of me and my children.  He has protected us.  He has carried us through.

That has to be an encouragement doesn’t it?

Pray with me about that will you?  Lord, I want You to use what I have been through for your glory… sometimes I can get in the way with my thoughts and my ideas and my fears and my disappointments… help me… use me…

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Speaking of HSSH.  He has been coming to most of the kids games.  That is good for them. 

He told James that he would not be able to attend “senior night” in 2 weeks.  James was really bummed… I was relieved…

I feel guilty about being relieved, and I am sad for James… but it is so much easier if I don’t have to walk down that football field in front of all of those people and pretend like this is all “normal”

Mostly he just ignores me.

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So, there you have it, another long, pretty whiny, and maybe a tad depressing blog post…

If you know how to make my computer screen match my photo lab leave me a comment. 

That is if you want to talk photography… cause I don’t.  I am not obsessive.  And don’t lose any sleep over this.  And have not spent countless hours editing and teaching myself this week and have no idea if what I see on the screen is what the print is going to look like & if people will like it… so if you are going to critic my style of editing this would not be a good day.

K?

If you think I am losing my mind… maybe you want to come over and help me find it… cause I am pretty sure you are on the right track!

Time for bed!

Pam

Yes, it’s Me…Monday

It’s Monday.  And this is my life!  While “Not Me, Monday is incredibly fun, It takes too much mental energy to turn it around some days!! 

Kiahna and I are snuggled up in our lazy boy chair, with my new lap top as I type this morning!!  We are both loving this!  She likes to sit on my lap while I work at the computer, so this makes her smile this morning for sure!!

I am so thankful for my parents helping me out and getting me this new computer.  The old computer is back in the house too.  It has a new/used hard drive installed and will work great for the kids to use! 

The old computer was built in 2001.  It is not equipped to run photo editing programs & deal with large photo files.  The difference in the speed of this new computer is mind boggling!!  I am so impressed, and while it is NOT a Ma*c as many have expressed I should have purchased, it is a De*ll.  And I love it!! 

The photography business is busy!  I have lots of pictures to edit from shoots I did while I didn’t have a computer.  I have posted some new photos on my photo blog, and will be adding more throughout the week as I get them edited! 

I have two more shoots this weekend & a few more pending appointments! 

The weather today tells me that fall is coming and it is going to become more difficult to find beautiful days to take outdoor photos.  I have NO IDEA what I am going to do when I can’t take outdoor photos.  But, since it’s God business, I guess He will have to show me!!

I do find the need to find better balance of my time.  It was hard not to play with my new computer this weekend while the kids were home, since I just picked it up on Friday afternoon.  In the future I hope to spend my weekends on the computer less, and just taking the photos as needed. 

The other thing I am finding is that working on photos until late in the night, after the kids are in bed, does not leave me very relaxed when I try to fall asleep.  I have a hard time shutting down my brain.  Last night, after working until 11, I laid in bed unable to sleep.  Finally getting up and making some tea & praying for awhile & then falling asleep after midnight.  Not ideal for 6 am wake up.

Searching for God’s balance in this new venture!  His ways.  His plans.  His vision.  Show me the way!

JAMES, got accepted to his first college!!!!  We are very hopeful that it will work out for him to go to And*erson U in the fall of 2010.  We are still working on what plan “B” will be, if financial aid doesn’t come through for AU. 

Meanwhile, he is very much enjoying his Senior Year of High School.  Enjoying his work on the school newspaper.  Doing some photography for the yearbook/newspaper.  Playing lots of Football, no catches this week left him feeling pretty bummed on Friday evening.  We lost too.  It was not a good time.

Someone gave me this picture of one of his catches from another game…

Pretty cool shot! 

I took him and 2 of his friends out for a senior picture photo shoot this weekend!  They are hilarious…

ZACH got his drivers permit last week!!!!  I am thankful to have been through this before & to find myself not quite as stressed out about it!  Although, this child is much different than his brother, and I hate to think a bit more confident & sure of his “ability”.  Fun, fun!

In Zach’s game last week he laid on the ground for awhile holding his leg… really scared me….

It is a horrible, horrible feeling to see any player on the field unable to get up.

Turned out he had been stepped on & it "hit in a tendon” causing the pain.  He didn’t play much the rest of the game, but he did get in some.  Enough to make a TD, but then have it called back on a penalty… blah!  Wasn’t his night!

This picture is hilarious!  Not that he got tackled of course, but their legs!  Maybe I could win something with this!!  LOL!!

LEAH, oh Leah… 12 is so much fun… I can feel myself getting dumber by the day… today she wore a shirt that she pulled out of the dryer, wet.  I had just put in in there 15 minutes ago.  She insisted that “it was the only thing that matched”  uhg, uhg, uhg…

Growing pains.

Cheerleading seems to be going well.  She is making some new friends, learning a lot. 

I helped & chaperoned at a middle school dance awhile back.  The cheerleaders were the ones sponsoring the dance.  So, I was in the kitchen selling food, along with the cheerleaders rotating in and out.  My girl always seemed to want to help out in the kitchen during the slow songs (which was fine with some of the other girls!)  She was avoiding being asked to dance!  So cute!  I am just fine with that!!  I am sure that line of thinking is limited in it’s days!

LUCAS is doing well!  Playing soccer, playing with friends, working hard at school.  Struggling with spelling words… he would love to get his hands on “whoever came up with how to spell these words!”

JADON is doing pretty well too.  Kindergarten is going pretty good. His mid-term came home looking positive.  I have been in his classroom volunteering once a week and he is very happy & has lots of friends.

He has had a few (3 last week) of peeing in his pants at school.  I don’t get it.  We do have an appointment with a specialist that our pediatrician set up from last summer’s appt.  That isn’t until November though. I know that sometimes kids pee their pants because of emotional things.  I don’t know if this is the problem and we should be pursuing more counseling?  If any physical problems are ruled out and the issue continues we will have to start counseling again.

He is upset because I threw away his old shoes!  The bottoms were 1/2 of and there is a hole in the toe.  He loves them so much because they are velcro & his new ones are tie.  Velcro seems harder to find and more expensive this year, anyone notice that?  I just couldn’t pay that much for his shoes.  I have found him 2 pair of used shoes & he still wont be in the tie ones… anyone want a nice pair of size one boys shoes.  worn once?  sigh….

My dad told me about something Jadon told him a few weeks ago.  They were eating some candy and my dad picked up a candy, pretended to read it, and said, “this one says, give me to grandpa”.  Jadon picked up another one, pretended to read it, and serious as ever said, “this one says, give it back.”

He is a never ending adventure!

KIAHNA is going to 3 days of preschool now!!  Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday!  Very exciting!  I don’t think that things are going perfect with her at school, but they are going better as far as I know. 

The school is helping break her finger sucking habit.  (and I am thinking after what we have been through who cares!!!) but they don’t want her to suck them, germs ya know, so we are trying to help her stop so she doesn’t get in trouble for it at school.

I took her shopping last week!  We had fun shopping for cute bargains!  I love finding things on the clearance rack & at lightly used shops!!   I really love it when the two work together!  Like this jacket I got at Once Upon a Child (used clothes) and this dress I got on the clearance rack at gap! 

I was also loving the prices at TCP!

We had our own little fashion show when we got home!  (see the tag sticking out of that last one!)

It was fun to go shopping with her, have lunch, lunch conversation!  Like, “Mommy?  If I was candy, would you eat me?” 

We have been having many interesting conversation about babies lately too.  She spent some time with friends who are expecting a baby in December.  She informed me when she got home that “sometimes the baby kicks!”  And she wanted to know if she could have a baby in her tummy & if it could kick her?

Kiahna is trying to figure this all out in her own Kiahna way… sometimes it is quite interesting, uncomfortable, & embarrassing!  Trying to sort out adoption & birth & mommies.  She has been asking people with babies “did that baby come out of your tummy?”  and “who’s tummy did that baby come out of?”  my favorite is the one she said, “who grew him?”.

How’s that for a nice long Monday update!  Our week is full of more football & more photos, and of course the usual laundry, cleaning, cooking…

A reminder that in celebration of ONE YEAR of posting “Gonna Miss This… Moments”, I am giving away a prize if you play along this time!  You have all week to get a post written and link it up with mine!   So go write YOUR Gonna Miss This… Moment!!

Pam

A random splattering of thoughts

Racing full speed in my brain & life towards the end of summer… scrambling for the breaks… while my computer… trusty ole’ soul… takes it’s own sweet time, and I fold a load of laundry while it loads a screen.  I had so many amazing thoughts 2 hours ago, when my house was still quiet.  Too bad my computer is so slow, I fear I’ve lost them all!!

We are racing towards the end of summer and school starting… it will be less than a month, August 18 that will be the first day.  First day of James senior year, Zach’s freshmen, Leah’s 7th grade, Lucas 5th grade, Jadon’s kindergarten, & Kiahna’s preschool… part of me really has to focus to enjoy these days and not wish that the were already here, and part of me wants to grasp on and not move forward. 

I truly find myself (and my kids but they don’t realize it) missing our routine badly about this time of the summer.  Jadon and Kiahna are not doing as well as they were on the days that life had a routine & predictability.  (predictably busy, but predictable anyway)

School starting will mean graduation will come in the spring.  I will mean in a year James will (HOPEFULLY) be heading off to college.  It will mean so many things will be “last time” for James.  I know it’s all good, and it will all be fine, but it is all very sad and hard to see come to an end.  A new era will begin in my life, one I feel decidedly too young for…

Speaking of being too young, I do turn 37 next week!  EEK!  See, told you I was too young.  Of course I was too young to have James when I did, too young to get married when I did, too young to have to deal with all that I had to deal with when I did… so yeah… follows suit.

I just pray so many things go better for my kids than they did for me.  Yet, I look at my life, and can’t hardly say I am not glad that the things that have made me into the person that I am today didn’t happen… yet there is so much pain involved in getting there.  It sure is hard as a parent to know that our kids are going to have to learn some hard painful lessons in life… and to know that our role is mostly to sit back and pray that they survive it.

James and Dad got home from Canada on Saturday.  They had a good time.  My camera made it back too!  James has been working on making a slide show and editing things.  Maybe he will give me permission so show it here when he is done, but for now, how about a couple of photos?

James and Grandpa

The 3 boys, Dirk T, James, and James I.  (it was these three ages 18-20 and 2 dads & 1 grandpa)

How awesome is this!?!

They had a great time.  Lots of memories!

James realized when he got home that he would only be working 4 more days, and then it is football, football, football.

I got a letter from the football mother’s club, meeting soon to plan the annual chicken BBQ fundraiser that pays to support the feeding of the team all through the season and more.

Lastly, I met with our church treasurer last week to go over our budget, expenses, etc.  It was a good meeting.  He and our church family are so supportive of us.

I was left with a very strong, stronger than ever, feeling of how much we don’t deserve this support.  How how we have done nothing to deserve it & how we can never pay it back.  Where we would be without it. 

So much like God and His Grace, His Mercy, His saving ways.  It is probably the biggest “word picture” of His Amazing Ways that I have ever experienced.

There are no words to describe how this feels.  All I can do is Praise, Honor, and Glorify the God of Heaven.  Who Was & Is and Is to come.

This morning in the study Me Myself & Lies (Week 5, Day 1) Jennifer said,

“When was the last time you told your soul to ‘forget not’?  Your soul needs such prompting,  Otherwise you can too easily focus only on today, this moment, this worry, this problem.  Yet our memories of God’s benefits are just as compelling and every bit as real.”

Oh Lord, may my soul never forget that it is only by Your Great mercy that this has all not consumed me…

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;  therefore I will wait for him."

Lamentations 3:21-24

Pam

And, the emotions are trying to take over again.

In 6 minutes I have to leave the house to take Leah to her first day of cheerleading “camp” at the middle school. 

I dropped Zach off at a neighboring school 2 hours ago for football camp.

Lucas will start his first week of summer school tomorrow from 9-11.

Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

Laundry is piled behind me.

I can barely breath.

Emotions are flying all around me.  I am busy physically, but my mind is still trying to process the weekend.  The visit the kids had with their dad.  A couple of conversations I had with him.  What God is asking me to pray.  What I see with my human eyes.  It’s just too much.

3 minutes.

Please pray for me to see the truth according to God’s Word and send all these emotions on their way one by one…

James is in Canada fishing all week with my dad.  So glad that he is in a place that I don’t have to be concerned about him too much.  So thankful for my dad and the role model he is in my children’s lives.

1 minute.

I took Zach and Lucas to have their broken bones checked out this morning again.  Zach’s knee appears to have just a natural crack in his patella rather than a break. (it is in 2 pieces rather than one). Lucas toe is healing nicely.  Neither boy needs to go back again at this point!

After that I took them out to breakfast. 

Time is up.

Better get her to cheer camp.

A Break from the slide show…

As I share with you this week all the wonderful memories of last week, real life is obviously going on here!!  Just a few things…

*Yesterday I took Kiahna to the dentist.  She has been complaining about pain in one of her back molars.  Turns out she is going to need to have a pulpotomy (root canal on a baby tooth).  She is on antibiotic for the risk of infection. (that is she will be when I go get it) and she will be going to a specialist to have this done In a little over a week.

*I am getting schedules left and right for all the activities the kids have going on in the last 2 months of school.  I know I don’t even have them all yet, and there are some nights where each child has something somewhere.  To say that is overwhelming. Yeah… Show me how to walk this out Lord….

*Tonight I go with James to school for a meeting about his senior year and all the things we need to know about that.  Can I just cry?

*We got a new puppy that will live outside- hopefully scare away certain young people who choose to visit us in the middle of the night-in all kinds of weather-spreading their lovely TP in our trees…  Sonny, our puppy, is about the same color as James’ bleached blonde head, and is starting out to be a calm, timid, tolerant puppy.  He was pulled around in the wagon yesterday afternoon by Jadon, while Kiahna held him.  Thanks Michael & Jane!

*Speaking of Michael & Jane, their adopted son Deacon is turning 1 this week!  They are flying his birth mom in to share the weekend with them!  Go over to their blog to read about it, and say a prayer for them all!  I admit, it makes me envious to have such an opportunity, I pray all goes well.

*A blogging friend, Mimi, is celebrating her one year blogoversary with lots of giveaways this week!!  Get in on that!!

I am sure there are more, but I need to run out the door now to Week 5 of the Esther Bible Study!!!  Back with more pictures soon!

Pam

Monday, Update

I am bowing out of Not Me! Monday this week.  I am sure I will start it up again soon, but it don’t feel I have the creative energy to remember the past week, and to twist around the words making them all into things we didn’t do!!  LOL!

If I did… I would say something like… Our basement didn’t flood again yesterday.

Kiahna didn’t trash the kitchen and the bathroom while she played in the soap and with hot chocolate mix yesterday…

…see… you’ve heard them all before.  Nothing new!  LOL!  How about an update on the kids instead? 

Oh, and then a BIG reminder that if you haven’t already you MUST go and sign up for my Blogoversary, Beth Moore GIVEAWAY!

…and there are not at least three more giveaways coming this week as we celebrate my one year blogoversary!!  NOPE!!  ;)

I am loving the comments, the questions, the people de-lurking themselves!!  LOVE IT!!  Keep ‘em comin’ and I will be sure to answer them all very soon!  And give you a little linky love back for your questions!!

James:  He had a Spanish test on Friday.  I don’t know yet how he did.  He is a little worried.  He has been studying much more.  What do we do if he studies and still gets a bad grade?  Not sure what we do next. 

This week is the Musical at our school.  They are doing, The Wild, Wild, Wildest West, or How the West was Dun.  This is James first year with a speaking part, and he has a solo/duet too.  Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights will find us there. 

** Musicals were a big part of HSSH’s High school career.  He played leads from his sophomore year on. And is a natural actor and singer.  It’s difficult for me to know he is missing this. 

**And if you have to know, I was in the musical my junior and senior year.  (following HSSH)  I did have a speaking part and a solo my senior year though! The Musical was called Good News. I just am not quite the natural that HSSH was…. oh and since you asked… you didn’t ask… well I am sure you would have… I found some pictures!

My solo…

A kissing scene!  EEK!

A trio… I am on the left. 

  Oh, and while we are off on this tangent… how did I get here again?  Yes, Julie L, your question scares me to bits!  You know way too much!!  :)

Yes, this was about James… oops.  I am concerned about the grades.  Concerned about the music he likes.  Concerned about some of his clothing choices… concerned about how things are going with his “complicated” relationship with his ex-girl friend. (don’t try to figure it out). I am concerned about what he is going to do after graduation.  (yes it is over a year away) We will take all the prayer you can give for this young man.

Zach:  I find myself getting very frustrated with him very quickly lately.  The project that he worked on with his friends last weekend… the one that about drove me off the edge of insanity… the one where I kept trying to save a dvd and didn’t realize i don’t have a dvd burner…  aoirejwaikrjads;lgfhiw;qoeruqfwie… okay I’ve still angry about it.  Well… that project.  It wasn’t what the teacher ordered.  And they have to do it over.  Uh. Huh.  Not here.  Not at my house.  I did my part. 

Can I just say… when boys are 14 and they are cute, the girls like them, they are doing well at sports, and have lots of friends.  Arrogance.  Pride. They really want to come in and take over.  I don’t want to see my son fall… but he really needs to come down a few notches. 

My head hurts.

Leah:  My sweet Leah is pushing her way into womanhood… so quickly.  Things are going well with her.  We get along well.  She works hard for me.  She aims to please (most of the time)

Her and I are having some talks about healthy eating habits.  We both need to do better.  We are going to try to work on correcting some of the things that cause both of us to overeat. I don’t want to see my girl struggle with her weight already, but i am afraid we are going there quite quickly… uhg.  Lord, Give me wisdom.

I am encouraging her to be on the track team this spring.  She needs to exercise and isn’t a sport loving girl… so… we will see.

Lucas:  Another one that gives me little grief!  This boy is just a joy to have around.  He is working so hard in school and getting very good grades!  His teacher called me Friday afternoon to report to me that he had gotten an A on his history test!  YIPPEE!!

He is excited to start playing baseball soon… and I am praying he gets on team that some others who live around us are on so we can car pool.  PLEASE!!!

Jadon:  We’ve had some rough days again lately… not sure why.  The kids spent some time with some young adult friends this weekend.  Friends they love and do things with often.  Jadon wasn’t very good at all for them.  Exhibiting behavior that he hasn’t for awhile… I don’t know.

My head hurts.

Jadon is loving preschool, and to my knowledge is not having any problems there.  He is signed up to play t-ball and is so excited to get to play for the first time this year.

Kiahna:  School is going well for her from what I am being made aware of.  I am so glad.  I really pray that they can help her with some of her behavior.  Sometimes I think I see improvement, and then other times I don’t think I can see the forest through the trees… Her behavior can seem so strange.  It disturbs me.  Please keep praying for her.

I am slowly working on redoing her yarn braids again too.  (read: emphasis on slowly)

Me:

My head hurts.

The last thing I wanted was to come home to a wet basement again this weekend.  But, we did.  It wasn’t quite as bad of a rain storm this time.  The neighbor did call this week about trying to fix the problem (at least what we hope is the fix for the problem) and YES we need to do something!!

I’d be leading you astray if I didn’t tell you that I don’t seem to weekly feel like I am going to not make it.  If you want to ask me how I do it… I don’t have any answers outside of God Somehow gets me through.  Sometimes I don’t even feel like I care to keep getting through… and He does.

I got away to a women’s retreat this weekend.  That was very nice.  I will write more about that later today, because I have something I got there that I am going to give away! 

Only 10 more days until we leave for Florida!! 

My head hurts… I think it is the air purifier down here in this basement… or the mold. uhg.

Pam

ps. just wanted you to know, i wrote this Sunday night and as I publish I don't have a headache anymore! WHOO HOOO!!  I really think it is from the purifier in the basement.  I need to stay away from it!!

How bout an update?

I could really use an unloading about now… would you like to share my burden?  Help me leave it at the cross?  Pray? 

After The Riggs Family's post about my winning their contest, my blog got 554 hits yesterday!  WOW!  I think I gained some new readers, some have introduced themselves. 

If you are a new reader.  Welcome!  I am sure glad to have you along, and glad to hear from you.  Sorry, you arrived to such a dismal post… won’t you bare with me…

James:  AAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!  I am not happy at this moment with this child!  I just saw one of his grades for his mid term.  Now I have to ground him.  la la la la la… are we having fun yet???   Otherwise… he’s been doing well.  He is going to a concert tonight that I am less than thrilled about. (lucky for him, I found out about the grade too late to keep him home from this tonight) I am praying that he and his friends are turned off by what they see there, and not enticed.  Please, Lord.  Swimming is almost over, track is starting.  He has a speaking part in the spring musical.  He is singing with the swing choir.  Too busy to study I guess… ahem.  Praying for strength, wisdom, and my dad to come home and take care of this for me!  ;)

Zach:  He’s doing pretty well.  Ever wanting to be on the go.  What I’ve seen of his grades are pretty good.  He’s between sports seasons, but not really… he is doing AAU Basketball and playing one night a week (tonight) and in a couple of weekend tournaments, coming up.  We have freshman orientation this week for next year… he’s so ready… I’m so not ready!

Leah:  Going well.  Growing up.  She is going to need all new clothes again this spring.  Wow.  How does that happen so quickly?

Lucas:  Doing good too.  Working hard.  Look for pictures of a log cabin that we are working on this week. 

Jadon:  I just got the packet for his kindergarten registration today.  He’s been doing very well in his preschool.  No issues at all that I am aware of.  This is such a blessing.  He did throw two temper tantrums today, that make me think that he may be one that is into the drama department one day too. :)

Kiahna:  Today was the first day of her new preschool.  It sounded like a challenging day, but this teacher is taking it in stride.  I made her an appointment with our counselor for this week… it’s been a long while.  I need some support in this.  I am feeling very overwhelmed.

The carpet is dry.  I had to call someone to relay it for me though.  Waiting to hear back from them on when that will be.   So things are still torn up around here.  Add that to the normal clutter and chaos I tolerate… that’s overwhelming too.

I’ve gotta go now, the bus just came, homework… dinner?  and then running off to Zach’s game.

Sometimes I just need a good cry.  Today is one of those days.

Pam

Round the house…

Good Morning!  It’s a sunny and cold one here again today!  Who would have thought cold would shut down this part of the world.  No school today.  Too Cold!  -14, feels like –33 F.  COLD!

Today we were supposed to have Leah’s friends for her birthday.  We were supposed to go to an outdoor ice skating rink. 

Plan B became renting a hotel room and swimming. 

Plan C is now to postpone the party so we can skate next week.  Hopefully.

I am relieved to wait until next week…. wasn’t quite sure how I was going to do with 7-11 and 12 year old girls in one hotel room all night.  Not sure this mama was up for an all nighter with the girls… not sure the girls were up for an all nighter with a mom! 

Postponing is a good plan.

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Kiahna’s Head Start Screening is complete.  Now we wait.  The case conference is not until the middle of February.

I don’t really know how it went while she was there, for real.  All I know is from what she said to me… and from what Kiahna said, sounds like they got a real look at how she can act.

Kiahna told me that she had to sit in time out.

The last day that I took her, another little girl told me that Kiahna had pinched her.

And I watched, as I left that last day, as the teacher had to pry my daughter off a bench to go down the hall to her class. 

Yeah, pretty sure they saw her issues.

I fight with my thoughts on what they will say about her to me at the case conference.  Do they think she is a spoiled brat?  Do they realize how hard I have tried?  Do they understand that she is selective on where and who she behaves this way for?  I don’t know.

Thanks so much for continuing to pray for her, and all of us.

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Have you heard of Twitter?  On the left sidebar there is a new element, and it says “Follow me on Twitter”.  It is a place that people can send text size messages to each other, and I can post the messages on my blog for you to see!  Ultimately, I can do this from my phone, and it will show up on my blog… right now my phone is not on board with this plan, and I am trying to get help for that issue!  But, twitter is kinda fun, and if you are interested take a look!

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I continue to try to get my testimony posts copied over to my new blog, Standing.  To make them easier for new readers to access.  I am going to post a few thoughts today on Standing about waiting, that I have not posted here today… see how that works out.  Hope you go over and see, and let me know you were there!

Blessings and WARMTH to you all!

Pam

Can I just pour this out here?

Ready?  Ready to be poured on?  This may be a little messy...  sometimes I just need to get it all out...

I guess it has been a long while since I've while since I've let you get a good peek at what is really going on in my heart and mind, huh.  You are all probably just as busy as I am these days, and don't have time to read anyway!  So, I am sure you haven't missed it!

After the wedding stuff was over... Needed a nap!!  I woke up to the reality that Christmas is coming quickly and I am NOT at all, even slightly, remotely, ready to present gifts of any sort to my 6 children.  And I confess.  They need nothing.  But, this is what we do anyway.  And giving gifts with my kind of attitude isn't all that fun.  So as I run out of time for online shopping, and I have limited time to run to the big city stores (an hour away), and I don't have any desire to fight the weekend crowds... And they don't' really need anything... That whole, buy them all a candy cane and buy myself a new camera is looking better and better!!  Oh yeah, they are just getting caramel, soap, and toothpaste anyway right!?!

For the past 2 days I have stayed up till past midnight, and spent every waking moment trying to create a gift. After about pulling out my hair, ignoring my house and children, and getting only 5 hours of sleep the past two nights.  It's done.  It's beautiful.  They'll love it. 

Oh yes,  I did have some of HSSH's family over on Sunday.  It went well.  It was his sister and her daughter, Sam.  His brother and his wife, and their two boys, and Great Grandma.  My kids were thrilled.  We did turkey, and the whole 9 yards.  Leah helped much, and even the boys were a little better than their sloppy selves.  Of course J & K chose this time to dump the new bath and body Christmas soap down the drain.  And It sent me spiraling over an edge of overwhelm... For a while... Then I recovered.  And they spent some time in their rooms... For their safety.

The table set for dinner...

James and his cousin, Sam...

Me and Grandma...

Wresting Cousins...

My kids... sitting on each other... (James' girlfriend Alisen is the lucky one on the bottom!)

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Kiahna's new preschool is going well.  Her counselor is on deck to help.  And things are getting better.  This preschool is much more low key than her old one.  Much time is allowed for free play (activity, free play, activity, free play)  I think it might be just what Kiahna needs.  She needs to learn to play nice.  Get along.  Al the other stuff will come.  She is smart.

Our counselor told me last night that he sees much improvement in her.  Honestly, it's hard for me to see too much.  You know, when you are dealing with it 24/7.  But her fits are better.  And I am not calling grandpa to the rescue as much.  I have high expectations of how I want my kids to behave.  I wonder if I need to lower them sometimes?  Or if I am okay?

I heard Dr. Kevin Leman talking about his book Have a new kid by Friday,  I think is what it is called.  I should get it.  It sounds like a very helpful tool to reinforce what I have been attempting to do with natural consequences... But I admit.  I am tired.  And it sounds like a lot of work.  Can't they all just behave?

Jadon met with our counselor today.  I was reminded again of the true miracle that has taken place in this young man.  He is a different kid that I had a year ago.  And the battle has been worth it... It brought tears to the eyes of our counselor when he saw again how well Jadon is doing and acting.  That is so encouraging to me.

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Oh, yeah, Mr. Wonderful, AKA HSSH,  called today.  (it's been months)  Guess what?  He is going to try to re-enlist in the Army Reserves.  (Our counselor told me they don't take you after you turn 39, he just turned 38)  He needs original birth certificates and social security cards from me. 

Still smiling.  See me?? 

Of course.  He will have to pass a physical.  That would be a miracle.

He was full of all kinds of lame thoughts and plans that held no water, and had no dates attached to them for Christmas. 

Very, very sad.

I hope he gets in.  After all, it was all my fault he had to leave that dream job.  Let him go back and remember how that all was and how much HE hated it.  Maybe he will find some healing.

James said he thought he could respect Jim more if he joined the NG.  Interesting. 

James also bought an ELECTRIC GUITAR from a friend today.  :) 

Yes... This is me still smiling. 

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After Lana and Ben's wedding, I told God that I was really ready to be done with this whole HSSH thing.  I suggested to HIM that HE could bring me someone new and wonderful like HE had done for Lana... And just be done with all this crazy HSSH nonsense. 

Are you smiling?  God was.

I went to preschool with Kiahna on Tuesday after the wedding.  I was helping a little girl with a puzzle.  And she was getting frustrated and wanted to quit the puzzle.

I told her that she was doing good, and that she almost had it, and she shouldn't quit now.

WHACK!!

Tell me this happens to you?  My own words were the answer to my suggestion to God.

I can't say that I completely agree with HIM.  And I know I don't understand HIM.

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When Jadon asked they guy that I walked with in my sister's wedding, if he was going to marry his mom... We laughed.  But it was just the start.  Jadon wouldn't leave the poor guy alone.  The guy was clueless and tolerant of Jadon.  And my heart broke as I saw how desperately Jadon wants a dad.

Sigh.

God is amazingly providing for us financially through this Christmas.  My kids will be very well taken care of... If I can just work on my attitude and figure out what I am going to get them!!

Off to another day...sorry to have spilled this all over you like this... kind of looks like my house these days...  messy.  Oh well.

Love,

Pam

In His Grip of Grace I rest

'roun the house...

Time for another edition of 'roun the house... 

Winter and Cold has officially set in around here... we are enjoying our wood burning stove... it is so toasty! 

I am not particularly enjoying sending my 17 year-old son out the door on dark, slippery, snowy mornings... with his three siblings in tow... off to school.  I think mom's should be the ones to call school delays... don't you?

James:  Not spending near enough time on his school work.  Spending too much time with his girlfriend.  (and I don't even want to hear anything about how I was!!)  Why do you think it scares the bagebers out of me!  He has clearance from the orthopedic doctor to not use his cast, to dive, and to flip-turns in swimming... but then again... did he really need that?  He had already been doing that for a couple weeks anyway!  And then he wonders why it hurts... hum... I don't know?  Perhaps jumping off of things is not wise?  Just a guess?? 

Zach:  He is working on his grades.  Working on his basketball skills (4 and 1 now!)  And of course constantly laying out all the reasons why he needs a cell phone of his very own... he has put his name on my cell phone in the texts... so if I text you and it says "zach"... ya, know... we do look alike!

Leah:  Seems to be doing well.  Of course loved dressing up for Lana and Ben's wedding!  She did manage to get through Monday with that hair-do!  She counted 55 hair pins when she took it out!!  55!!  No wonder she was complaining about it hurting!  She slept on 55 pins twice!  She is looking forward to wearing the dress again in a couple weeks when the middle school holds is Christmas Formal Dance.  (remind me to get that dry cleaned!)

Lucas:  He's just my joy!  Never gives me grief... oh, unless he forgets his homework at home... who could complain about that... when he listens and does what I ask!  Works hard and does his best in school!!  I am treasuring that!!

Jadon:  Things are going well for Jadon these days.  SO GLAD!  Last night in counseling, I told our counselor that it is just a miracle!  He drove me crazy every waking moment less than a year ago... and now he is pretty much your above average 5 year old!   God has done a major healing work in this boy's life!!  MAJOR!

Kiahna:  Well... we are praying for one of those Major miracles of healing here too... I did take her to a new preschool this week.  I didn't leave her there though.  I stayed.  It went okay.  I think it will work.  But, I still feel like I am grappling in the darkness for ways to help her... normal things don't seem to work.  We need Miracles!  She will be getting tested next week by the county.  And we still wait on the waiting list for other testing.  Keep praying with me for miracles... answers. 

On Sunday we are having some of my ex-husband's family over.  Kinda a long, hard, hurtful story.  The family is very broken, with many painfully broken relationships.  One of HSSH's sisters called me and wanted to get together.  Another of my sister-in-laws, I have a good relationship with and we do things often, wanted to get together too... so I am going to have them here.  Kinda strange.  And I hope that it doesn't make a damaged family worse... None of us have chosen for it to be this way, just trying to make the best of a bad thing.

We haven't heard from HSSH in so long.  In so many ways it makes my life so much easier.  Yet, I know it hurts our kids.  Nothing I can do.  It will be hard for them not to hear from him over the holidays... I dunno...

Thanks for all your kinds words and prayers.  Always needing them.  Always...

Pam

'round the house...

So, time to catch you up on the many activities of this busy house!!

Basketball season began this week...

Zach is starting on his 8th grade team this year.  I am working with my camera, trying figure out how to get the best pictures... They have had two games so far.  Won one and lost one.

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I finally finished my kitchen cabinets!!!!!  It's only taken me two and a half months!  It has been the topic of many a Tackle it Tuesday Post!

AFTER, FINISHED!!  DONE!!  WHOO-HOO!!!!

There is a hope of new countertop coming soon!  A friend has offered to purchase and install one for us! 

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It happened again.  I was sure that my electric bill was late and overdue.  I got the bill yesterday.  When I opened it, it showed a credit!  Someone has paid my bill!  Over two months worth!!

ARE YOU PRAISING GOD WITH ME!!??!!!!!!!!!!

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My child who was struggling a few days ago, seems to think that the situation is resolved... I doubt it.  But, we'll keep walking through and prayin...

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I plan on visiting a new preschool with Kiahna next week.  She is doing pretty well.  Believing for miracles. 

Meanwhile, we are working on redoing her hair.  It has never been such a long process for me.  One braid at a time.  I am not even going to tell you how long some of these braids have been in... uhg.

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I can't make any promises on how much time I'll be having to blog this next week.  My sister's wedding is next Saturday... so besides, Thanksgiving, 2 basketball games, helping her move, finishing these braids, oh and let's not forget taking some time to just be quiet... yeah... I may see you next week... or maybe not!   But, the week after, I hope that I will have lots of great moments to share with you all!! 

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I thank you all for your amazing support and encouraging comments (and e-mails, phone calls, etc)  You are all such a blessing to me.

Pam

Confessions of a Blessed and Busy mom…

I’ve missed you all!  I’ve been gone for the past, oh 24 hours or so… gone to the totally frustrating and maddening world of e-bay that is…  Have you ever sold anything on e-bay?  I love to sell things on e-bay (and BUY things!!).  I  hate to list things on e-bay.  I have had some things that I have been procrastinating for MONTHS (okay, almost a year) on listing.  And yesterday became the day that I bit the bullet.  It took me most of the day, but I did get 3… countem’, yes, three things listed.

Grrrrrr…

It’s my computer’s fault. 

It doesn’t like the 1000’s of pictures that I have saved on it.  So it complains to me about the size of the picture files by stubbornly refusing to do what I want it to do in a timely manner.

I need to work on the picture file thing.  But, guess what… that takes time too.

Grrrrrr….

So.  After being completely kicked off and losing all my work once.  After waiting for pictures to upload and finding they refused, and having to shut it down… I finally got 3 things listed.

This morning I listed the last two.  So if you want to see what I have listed, here is a list…

1. A like new pair of size 6.5 dyed Truffle shoes, from David's Bridal.  Because, they were a great buy.  But they didn’t fit my feet.  It was something about having my toes turn purple after having them on for 5 minutes.
2. A Speedo Jammer Racing Suit.  Size 28.  Because Zach decided not to swim, but he had already ordered the suit.  Who wears these things??  Not Zach.
3. Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart, God's Dwelling Place Bible Study.  With DVD's!  Because we have been done with this for , oh, 9 months, and I promised myself I would resell it to get my money back out of it. 
4. 18" American Girl Doll KIT.  With bonus clothing!  Because Leah has been asking me for MONTHS to sell this for her, so she could use the money to get some other things.  And we are planning to go to Chicago to the American Girl Store in November, and this will give her some spending money for the trip.
5. American Girl Doll, Kit's Christmas Dress

So, there you have it.  My work of the past 24 hours. 

Grrrr….

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Now, to address those of you who believe that I am “super-mom”.

(Insert hysterical laughter here)

I suppose if you visit me on Tackle it Tuesday, it may seem that I somehow give the delusion of a supermom of sorts… but if I gave you a list of the things that are completely out of control, neglected, and procrastinated upon (see above e-bay procrastination confession)  you would think otherwise!

SERIOUSLY!  One of the things that I used to say after HSSH left was that “super-mom died”. 

I began to see the person that I was, who I called “super-mom” and many of the things and attitudes (mostly the attitudes) of that person NEEDED to die!

Me, being the strong-willed, woman I am, needed to have a hurricane hit my life in order to see this.

Have you heard that song that was just released?  Hurricane by Jimmy Needham.  Part of my doesn’t want to hear that song.  And part of me knows how true it is.  I’ll search for it, and try to get it playing on my player.  (it seems to be down at the moment)

I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now

Nope… I’m not super-mom… I used to be… I don’t want to be.  I want to be “fun-mom, in-the-moment-mom, completely-conscious-of-the-speed-of-time-mom, don’t-miss-the-joy-through-the-dirt-mom…  you know what I mean? 

Super-mom wants to rise up and resurrect herself sometimes.  She wants to do it all.  But, her circumstances keep her pretty much where she needs to be.  And you know, maybe that is a better place anyway… obviously, my kids could care-less about how clean thing are… maybe I could try to care-less too.

Except on Tuesday.

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Did you notice my blog has a different look?? 

I recently signed up for “Blogher” ads.  One of their requirements is that it be in the top 700 or so pixels on the blog.  So, I needed to rearrange. 

I confess, I don’t really understand quite how the Blogher ads work yet.  They are supposed to be clean and appropriate.  Hoping they always are.  But, I actually get paid for the amount of traffic that the ads get!

So, I think, if you click on something on the blogher ad, then I get credit for it, and they send me a check!

I’ll let you know how that all turns out… someone can enlighten me if they have experience with this.

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My sister, Lana, and Ben had their first wedding shower last night! 

Ben giving a very nice thank you speech…

 

I am so amazed at God.

I am amazed at the miracle and the blessing that Ben is to Lana and her 4 kids.

What Lana and the kids have been through for the past 14 years… and too see them all so happy now.  It does nothing but warm my heart.

I know that I could be jealous and angry about this all.  I could let this time go by and not be a part of it.  Not have the joy of sharing in their happiness.  I am surprised at the state of my own heart and mind.   I am surprised that there isn’t some jealousy or anger there.  I am so overwhelmed that there isn’t.

God is truly who HE says HE is…

and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
       to bestow on them a crown of beauty
       instead of ashes,
       the oil of gladness
       instead of mourning,
       and a garment of praise
       instead of a spirit of despair.
       They will be called oaks of righteousness,
       a planting of the LORD
       for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins
       and restore the places long devastated;
       they will renew the ruined cities
       that have been devastated for generations.  --Isaiah 61: 3-4

And I will wait on HIM as HE does HIS work in my life and family.

God you are so Good…

And SO worthy of our PRAISE!!

Pam

 

Odds and Ends. 9.24.2008

First of all… the thumb.  It’s been a frustrating morning.  We have never had a broken bone in this family. 

WE HAVE NEVER HAD A BROKEN BONE IN THIS FAMILY!

We have never had a broken bone in this family.  What a blessing.  Thank you Jesus, that our first broken bone is only a hair-line fracture on a thumb, on a left hand…

I was completely naive on orthopedics.  When the pediatrician’s office asked me this morning if I had a preference of a referral, I let her send him to the one that they have in their building.

Bad choice.

Bedside manner did not exist.

After hurting Zach worse than I have seen the whole ordeal, taking off the tape and splint… he left to look at the x-rays from last night.

He returned with a box of different splints.  He proceeded to get one that fit Zach’s thumb.  Tape it on.  And say. “There, that’s what he needs.  Come back in 2 weeks.”

Um… and????  What can he do?  What can’t he do?  Does he play? Does he not play?

“Oh, wear that for 3 weeks.  No sports or PE for 6 weeks.”

6 weeks?

Seemed like overkill to me.

I drove him back to the school.  I went to talk to some other parents in the cafeteria.  They thought it was over kill too.  I wondered earlier if I could get a second opinion.  Would my insurance cover it? 

I found out that other kids go to sport-ortho places and get casts that let them return to playing immediately.

Now, that may sound crazy.  If he had a broken leg, arm, head… okay… 6 weeks.

BUT, this is a hair-line, non-displaced, fracture, above his knuckle on his left hand. 

Does it make me a careless parent to think that that is overkill?

That’s okay if you think so.

I have made an appointment at another place to have it checked out again.

If they tell us 6 weeks, okay.  But, I highly have my doubts.

We will see.

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Anonymous comment leaver “Melissa” is the winner of the second Point of Grace, How You Live CD!!  If you send me an e-mail with your address, Melissa, I will ship this to you!

Congratulations!!

I will be brain-storming about another contest, which you all can play, TARA, ;) Look for it soon!

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Did you notice Kiahna’s cute little tu-tu, in the Wordless Wednesday post this morning?

I made this. 

I know, I know, my talent just amazes you.

PLEEEEEAAAASSSSSE!

This was so simple!  If you can cut and knot, you too can make this tu-tu.

I got the idea from my friend Dia over at Team Sawyer.  She made them for her girls.  She has a you-tube link on the post, that shows how these are made!  Thanks Dia!

Now, people have something else to comment on to Kiahna besides her hair!! 

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This has just been a crazy day.  How can I explain this.  We live at point A.  The doctor’s office we use is at point B.  Point B is 10 miles from our house.  The school is at point C.  Point C is 10 miles from our house.  But Point B and Point C are in opposite directions.  So that makes them about 20 miles apart.

So this morning, to take Zach to the doctor.  I left home.  Drove to point B.  Then drove to point C.  Then drove back to Point A.  40 miles.

This afternoon.  Leah and Jadon have dentist appointments at Point B.  But, Leah needs picked up at Point C first.  40 miles.

Then Jadon has counseling while we are still at Point B.

Leah has tennis back at point C, that I could take her to… but that would add another 40 miles… I don’t think that is going to happen today.  Sorry Leah.

Did you catch all that?

If you see me… I’ll be the one spinning in circles later tonight.

But, I do have dinner in the crock pot.

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THE END.

Pam