A short July update

Summer is gliding by… I have such mixed emotions about that.  While I want to enjoy the lazy days, I crave the schedule of the school year… I want to enjoy having my kids around, but it’s overwhelming & involves so many appointments & not enough lazy.

We returned last weekend from 10 days at Crooked Lake with my family.  It went pretty well considering how many people we are & Kiahna’s issues. 

Transitions continue to be her biggest issue.  Tantrums multiple times the first few days of vacation & the first few days back home.  They have become our sad normal.

Appointments this week at a long awaited Neuro-psych in FW.  She talked to us for about an hour & then proceeded to set us up for 2 1/2 hours of testing that will be done at the end of September (first time slot they had that was big enough).  She says she doesn’t suspect K is on the autism spectrum, as much as she may have a mood disorder.

Confession:  I just want it to be fixed.

Reality:  It won’t be.

Trying a new medication, again.

Things are going very well with the new therapist we have coming out to the house.  Impressed with that & hopeful for some good “in-school” help for the coming year. 

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James left at the end of June for Army ROTC training.  He was to be gone for a month & then after it was done he would be signing a contract with them for the National Guard.  He was so excited about this endeavor, I figured there was no way that he would “not” do this.

He hated it.  Said it “didn’t feel right” even before he got there.  Ended up coming home before even a week was over.  He didn’t have any trouble with the activities they were doing, even earned a coin for climbing a rock wall no one else could climb earlier in the day that he decided this wasn’t for him.  But, he just didn’t have peace about it.  Didn’t enjoy being screamed at either.

I have to say I am pretty shocked.  Also, in awe of how God is working in my son’s life to make things clear to him & giving him strong guidance.

He turned 21 last week too.

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Zach turned 18 last week.

Learning to just let go & let God have him.  So I can have peace.

Things are better.  Today.

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Pam

Choosing to blog to get my thoughts in order?

Might not be the best choice?  Maybe I won’t publish?

Kiahna has went from “horrific” to “very manageable” over the past week.  I give the credit to God & the prayers.  He gives wisdom when we ask.  He keeps me asking.

Took her off of one medication. Added some more vitamins/herbs. 

Medication we came off of was the steroid inhaler for her asthma.  Behaviors had declined after getting that back into our lives with the allergy season upon  us.  Her asthma symptoms (she has never had an attack) appear to be related to her allergies.

One of the vitamins we added to our lives was Gaba.  If you have a kid or yourself with behavior issues, anxiety issues.  Run, don’t walk, & get some Gaba.  Seriously.  I have never seen an immediate result in a herb/vitamin like it appears I am seeing with this.  Very inexpensive.  I ordered mine from this site.

Tomorrow is the last day of school.  Kiahna woke up this morning & said to me, “Is today I am going to second grade?”  Poor kid!  No wonder she has anxiety!  Even when she’s been told over & over, she still doesn’t understand what’s going on sometimes.  The world she lives in is very confusing.  It’s hard for me to remember that.  I’d have anxiety too.

Zach is ending his junior year.  I am struggling to trust him.  I am struggling with anger at some teachers/coaches for their impatience with him.  I am struggling with fear.  I dread his senior year.  And I hate all those things in myself.

Quote from Zach last night “In one year I will be in college and you won’t have to worry about me any more”….   oh Zach you have no idea/

My biggest concerns right now for him are his self esteem.  Self worth.  God being allowed to work in his life as we go through the hard days ahead.

Hard in ways like, the 3 game suspension he has hanging over his head for the football season that is up & coming.  The football season that meant everything to him.  Hard in a way that I am not sure that even after the suspension is over that the coach will allow him to play.

Hard in ways like the fact that I am very involved with the mother’s portion of the team.  Very, very, very difficult for me to watch my son be treated a certain way for discipline I don’t agree with & pour my heart & time into working on.

We both have some tough days ahead.  Consequences are hard.  But even harder if they are consequences you are facing for someone else's decisions.  HARD!

Lucas had his 14th birthday last Friday.  He is growing up in his quiet way in a house full of a lot of “stuff”.

James is home for most of the summer & working hard.

Everyone else seems stable at the moment.

Working hard on my business.  God is blessing it.  I am loving it. 

DEEP BREATH.

Summer break will be good.  Right. Right?  Right.

Pam

True Story

I enjoy going to a zumba class a couple of mornings a week. 

My routine is (I love routine) to drop my kids off at school & head to the gym for a work out. (workouts have helped my stress level sooo much)

The zumba class doesn’t start until 9:45.  Running home for an hour then going back in isn’t always the best use of time or gas money.

I’ve went to the one restaurant in town that’s open for breakfast, taken my laptop & decided to work there during the time I am waiting for my class to start.

This restaurant is good because it’s pretty dark, quiet, not very busy so I don’t feel like I am in the way sitting there for over an hour not giving them much business.

I do normally eat some eggs, which  may be just the amount of money it would have taken to drive home & back… but it’s a time saver right.

Another thing about this restaurant is that the wi-fi does not work, the phone reception is horrible… so while those things are not real convenient, they do help me stay focused on my editing & the distractions are a minimum.

Today I was sitting there editing & multi-tasking with my phone.  Updating some of the names, my new phone puts them the opposite of the old phone so I have to move everyone’s names around, kinda confusing, but that’s what I was doing while I waited for my photo-shop program to do it’s magic.

A older couple came in & sat down at a table about 2 away from me.  I was minding my business getting much accomplished.  I heard the man talking & pretty soon I realized he was talking, very loudly, about me.

Discussing my use of my phone & then how I was going back & forth between my phone & my computer.  Using sarcastic phrases about how desperate I was to remain “plugged in” & how much of a panic I would be in if I couldn’t get connection.

“Look” he said to his wife, “now she’s on her computer.  I bet they have wi-fi here, a place like this would”

I go back to my phone.

“There she goes back on her phone again”

I sat there & my heart started to race & I looked over at him while he made sure he didn’t look at me.

I wanted so say, buddy, do  you know what I am doing over here?  Do you know I am working?  I can’t get internet or phone service?  I am here saving money on gas & trying to run my business. Would you like to see?

I can’t say I have ever felt so falsely judged.

He went on to complain about other things, loudly, while his poor wife sat there enduring.

All, I can think about it how quickly we judge by appearance.  How much we jump to conclusions.  Believe everything we hear.  Spread around false information about situations.

If you happen to hear any stories about my family flying around… think about this story before you believe everything that’s going around.  The facts are not the same as the rumors.

True Story.

Pam

What’s up…

I was a pretty pathetic blogger in 2011… both here & on my business blog… It’s my hope to catch up my business blog over the next few months before work gets out of control busy again… & I hope to spend some time writing on this blog again too over the coming months.

I miss the days when I didn’t have my own business to run that keeps me from writing.  I miss writing.  I need to get that book published I guess so that I don’t have to work so hard! 

I love my business, I just struggle to keep a balance.  To say no to jobs that I know are going to put me over the edge of my schedule.  I think about 2012, about Zach becoming a senior, about the amount of time I want to spend working on the football mother’s club vs the amount of time I spend working for myself vs the care & time I need to spend parenting my children.

Today, I sit reflecting.  Wishing I had a husband to sit & reflect with.  Wishing I had a husband as an ally as I muddle through parenting.

2011 wasn’t a bad year for us, it was a challenge… as they all are.  There is so much joy when I think of James’ baptism.  Of Kiahna’s good days.  Of Leah’s happy heart.  Of Jadon’s excellent mind.  Of Zach’s football accomplishments.  Of Lucas’ quiet spirit.

They tend to be pushed to the side when I think of the struggling days Kiahna has had in school & I wonder how long the medication will last this time.  I think of the pain that is caused each day in my kids with their dad’s life choices.  I watch my daughter gain weight & over eat & I feel like I have no way of helping her.  I watch my son deal with so much anger it looks like it could take over his life at any moment & cause him to do something he will regret for a lifetime.

Then I remember how much God has been with us through all of this journey into singleness & loss of dad… how He has done exceeding abundantly more than I could have ever asked or imagined in James’ life… how He provides exceeding abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine in our finances… how not a day has gone by that He has left us on our own in this journey.  Not a second.

As my mind wavers back & forth between worry & trust… I strive to stay on the “trust” side better than I did last year.  That’s why I have chosen it as my One Word for 2012.  It’s going to be a challenge each day… I know this for sure. 

Have to go, my daughter is in need of some of my time in therapy… that’s another blog post…

Pam

Pausing to write…

It’s busy around here… I know, you are shocked… I have to put the 1,000 things that are running through my mind & on my “to-do” list now that school is back in session, on hold to pause & write…

I am so blessed that people still read, follow & comment here… thanks.  Thanks for loving our family, for sticking through this with us, for supporting us with your prayers & kind words.  Its really amazing. 

James just left for his sophomore year at Bethel.  He was only home for the past week & the majority of his stuff was still at school.  Since he takes his own car, there was no need for me to go to help move in.  That’s kinda sad.  I would have enjoyed going along & being a part of moving them in again this year… but I have enough to do here at home I guess.  (haha)

I took him shopping last week for a few clothes for the new school year.  He’s a character let me tell ya.  Fun to be around & so embarrassing sometimes!  He bought these glasses at Pac-sun…

… I was so dying laughing… he walks into a department store & the clerk is trying to talk to him about what he’s looking for… I had to walk away… it was just too funny…  I asked him to walk on the other side of the mall & to please STOP calling me MOM!!  Of course you know what that did… oh my!!  Later he forgot to put them on after he had switched them out for his sun glasses while he was driving.  He was trying to convinced me to buy him something, & told me that I should get it for him since he had taken off the glasses for me… HA!  Yeah right, you forgot to put them back on!  He just laughed, cause he knew it was true.

It’s a little hard to see him go back to school… I admit.  It feels like he’s finally being a grown up & now he’s not around… but I know he’s where he needs to be & he’s very excited to be going back for another year… so all is well.  It will be neat to see his Spiritual growth this school year too.

I had to text his girlfriend, Brookelyn, to give her my sympathy for the glasses & the way he dresses… didn’t want her to think I CHOOSE these for him!!  (YOUR MAMA DRESSES YOU FUNNY!!)  His take on “style”… he to wear what is just coming in & then when everyone else is wearing it, he doesn’t want to wear it anymore… (get a good job hunny)

ZACH:  Well… Junior year has begun… football is in full swing… he’s been talking to a different girl about once a week all summer… his attitude goes from okay to boarder line most of the time… nothing to wonderful & nothing totally horrid either…

He could always use your continued prayers… safety on the football field… attitude… education… future… God bring Healing to my son… so much anger in this boy… thinks everyone is against him… so hard…

My moment is over… I will try to update on the rest of the family & myself soon…

Thanks for praying…

Pam

39

I’ll have to change my profile next year to 40 something… crazy how time flies… I turn 39 today… I don’t feel 39, whatever 39 feels like… sounds old…  I hear you are only as old as you feel… so I don’t feel old, so… ya…

I  took a group of 14 year old girls to the drive-in movies last night!  (see I am young!!)    This is our second time this summer to go to a drive-in.  It’s different, its fun, its like going back in time… I enjoyed it…

We don’t have a drive-in movie place close here anymore… pretty glad about that… I wouldn’t really want my teenagers hanging out there like we did when we were in high school.  Can’t say drive-in’s had that same feeling to me when I was young… in fact, I just noticed something… did you know, they play movies at the drive in!

Today I will spend the day driving my kids around… I do love doing that if I am really honest… Good thing, since we live 15 minutes from anywhere.  Summer school, football camp, allergy appointments… Lunch with my mom & sisters will be tucked in there…

Getting really close to finishing the editing the third wedding I shot this summer… I love it, the editing can get grueling… but it’s worth it!  I have another wedding in August & then no more weddings booked… it’s a little scary… hoping for some more weddings this fall.

Senior sessions are filling up though, I do enjoy those too… hoping I don’t get too old to relate to these kids.

If you talked to my seventeen year old you would be pretty sure I was the most ancient, old-fashioned, unreasonable, horrible mom in the world… he is definitely doing nothing for my business with his friends… big picture, he’s a mess, needs to find some healing… & he’s seventeen, trying to grow up in a house without a dad & pushing me away like I am his worst nightmare… not the highlight of my life right now.

It’s very hard to continue to show love & support when kids act like he is acting.  Unfortunately, I have first hand experience with being a teen that acted much that way, so I do get it… & unfortunately, that brings fears up in my heart… But, I have a great example in my parents & how they handled me when I was going through a tough stage… they are so amazing.

So, spending lots of time working on football club stuff, part of the group that is in charge, designing tickets, updating names & addresses, updating newsletters, organizing the ticket sales, designing a t-shirt.  I enjoy it a lot… looking forward to football season. Two-a-days start next week.  I’ll have 2 boys playing.

Lucas’ first year playing.  He was excited when he went to camp this week and they put him in into James’ position he played… it will be fun to see him play for the 7th grade team.

I’ve rambled on long enough I guess… yes, it’s my birthday… life is pretty good & normal… whatever that is when you have 6 children & own your own business… & I do love it, exhausting as it is!

Pam

A few photos of our summer so far…

I know, 2 posts in 2 days… don’t fall over from shock!!!

New camera…

Yes, he’s as ornery as he looks…

Lucas’ 13th birthday… during the 3 weeks James was home with us before he went back to college to work for the summer…

Crazy day during the last week of school…

Air soft wars for Lucas’ birthday…

Jadon playing minor league…

My grandma turned 102!

James talking to Grandma at her party…

Grandma and her 6 kids…

Our zoo trip with all my nieces & nephews *minus James

The girls at the zoo with grandpa…

They love the zoo at this age… sigh…

My beautiful girl…

When James was home his girlfriend Brooke came for a few days & they were so good with Jadon & Kiahna…

Playing tag…

Hide & seek…

He’s on base…

see why my kids miss him so much! LOL!!

Pam

Because I really don’t know what to say…

I have found myself shying away from writing probably for more than one reason… I can tell myself “I don’t have time”, but reality is we make time for what we want to do.

I don’t know what to say might be more accurate.

Or, I am so burnt out by the end of the day I don’t have the energy to write about it.

Or, I am so afraid I don’t want to put it into print because the truth is rather painful.

Or, I am fearful of being mis-understood… or mis-representing… or just plain being wrong.

Because with my youngest, I am on a learning curve every day.  Learning about special needs & FAES… things I’ve never been exposed to on a personal level… things that frighten me & discourage me… and keep the future looking very uncertain.

Since the last time I wrote about Kiahna, she has improved in her behaviors dramatically.

I am extremely thankful.

But.

I have been told that I should “enjoy the good days, because history shows that when you have FAS the medications work for a time and then quit working”

The day that Kiahna got the flu, we also began a new medication.  It was secondary to the one she was already on for ADHD. 

ADHD medications have made her act out more violently…

So, we added a “mood stabilizer” to her ADHD med.

When she got the flu, we had a full week of her being very, very docile & sweet.  It was heavenly.  You have no idea.

As she recovered from the flu & her energy returned, we began to see that her behavior was improved. 

The past week of school has went much better than any time before for her.  The teacher reports that she is blending with the other kids & that she is not disrupting the classroom, and other positive things like that.

For me she has done much much better, but when I tried to take her into a store this past week the “overstimulation” was apparent quickly…and we ended up having a stand off before we could get her back home again.

I feel like I let down my guard & began to feel relaxed about her behavior & tried to do something “normal” with her along & got kicked in the gut.

Then we go to the cycle of my fear creating her fear & escalating her behaviors… Jadon escalates her behaviors, they feed off of each other & reactions can get ugly quick.

I am extremely thankful things are going better at school… things are better, but the condition isn’t going anywhere… & we have a long road ahead… which is overwhelming so I’ll just look at the step we need to make today.

In April we need to re-write her IEP.  I have been in touch with another parent who has 2 FAS children & she is going to help write it up & be our advocate. 

I feel like with this improved behavior the temptation might be to overlook many things that the IEP needs to contain… so we have to put in place what we do when she grows & the medication stops working… very,very hard to think about for me.

Moving forward onto today… when I will take her to church & pray she doesn’t have a tantrum… and I’ll take her to my parents & pray that she doesn’t melt down or hurt any of the kids… and I’ll hope to have enough left to ask her to go sit and listen to the swing choir sing tonight… It’s a lot to ask of her… but it’s our life…and I am not sure what else to do.

Pam

Continuing the update I started last weekend…

Thanks to the flooding, I never got back to that update I promised on the younger 3 kids! 

My fourth child, Lucas, thinks he is going to become a teenager in May… he’s still such a sweet kid without attitude… such a joy.

He probably does more housework (2nd to Leah) than any of the kids.  He rarely complains.

His patience is amazing… but, I  have to say that in the past months, even his patience has worn thin with Jadon & Kiahna’s behaviors.

Jadon LOVES to antagonize Lucas.  We were having mornings where they would wake up & the arguing would begin before their feet  hit the floor.

I decided that the better move for Lucas would be to move him down to the basement bedroom with Zach.

So, I did.  I didn’t consult Zach before hand.  He didn’t react all that well to my decision. 

Poor Lucas… My dad  had some talks with Zach & Zach has accepted & is being much kinder to his new room-mate.

And the controversy with Jadon & Lucas first thing in the morning has all but stopped… which is good.

Lucas’ talents seem to be more in the line of being a sensitive compassionate guy.  He didn’t want to play basketball this winter & he decided not to play baseball this spring.  He is going to try football in the fall for the first time he says. 

Sixth grade continues to challenge him academically… his organizational skills & not being micromanaged by a homeroom teacher have been challenged… he’s working on them, while he is grounded from his game system for his mid-term grade in Science…

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Jadon is having a superb year in the first grade.  I continually stand amazed at his reading & writing skills.

Reading chapter books in the first grade is something that NONE of my children have ever been able to do or wanted to do for that matter!!

He is getting along very well with other students & has had no discipline problems at school at all.

This is so nice.  I am so thankful that his ADHD is under control with the medications & his learning & self esteem is excelling…

We have sibling issues at home… but they aren’t extreme with Jadon.  He responds very well to a sticker chart & rewards… which is a challenge for me, because I am a sticker chart failure… but it makes a world of difference with him, so I am doing it.

He is wanting to play baseball this spring, & sign up is today, so it’s right around the corner (he will be my only baseball player this spring!)

I’ll update Kiahna in her own post… (hopefully it won’t be next week before I get it done!!)

Pam

All the posts I should have written all month…

I seem to have lost the time I used to take to write here on the blog…I miss it, not sure where to find it again, but I’d like to…

Jadon just put in “Let me hold you longer” on CD (by Karen Kingsbury), now I am crying… remembering why I started writing in this blog… needing to keep it up… the memories go by so fast.

James is in Florida, with 7 other friends from college.  He came home on Friday to pick up a large van we rented for them to take… I admit I have concerns… praying a lot this week that they aren’t enticed by the temptations they are going to have all around them & the freedom of being on their own with no accountability.

BC has “life-style covenants” that the students have to sign… wrong choices could mean the loss of scholarships & that would be really bad.  He definitely couldn’t continue there without his scholarships.

He has a girl he is really liking there.  We have met her 2 times briefly.  It’s so strange to have him involved with someone we don’t know at all.  She appears to be a great girl… they are just so young yet… always concerns.

BC has been experiencing some amazing revival things… Not seeing that James has really “caught” the fire yet… praying he will… praying, praying, praying…

He got a summer job with the college, he will be working with summer camps for Missionary church’s around the country.  He will receive a tuition reduction & some cash.  We will miss him being home, but it will be a great experience for him I think.  He’ll be home in May for the month & then another week in the summer, which we hope will be the one we will spend at the lake in July.

He’s doing very well, I have many things to be excited & proud of him about… I just see the enemy prowling around trying to “steal, kill & destroy”… and I pray…

Zach finished his season of basketball last night.  It was successful… he does such a good job.  Plays with a lot of passion & drive.  I am told over and over by other parents how much they enjoy watching him play. 

Last week when we went to watch James run in an indoor track meet, apparently Zach was supposed to be home working in the concession stands for an AAU tournament to raise money for the basketball team’s trip.  Zach had asked a friend to cover his time for him he said, but had failed to tell the coach what was going on.

This resulted in the coach “disciplining” Zach by benching him for a game. 

I am the first to admit that Zach has “attitude”.  He comes across as a cocky, confident, on-top-of-the-world, kid.  Reality is the exact opposite… it isn’t always easy for coaches & teachers to view him that way. 

My own personal opinion is that Zach was not treated the same way that the coach would have treated other kids on the team in the same position… I keep my opinion to myself… especially around Zach.  He already knows & says the same thing.  I encourage respect for coaches & hope Zach learns life lessons that will take him far… the world we live in is far from fair, people have favorites & people are misunderstood.

Zach has a new girlfriend.  She goes to the school just south of us.  She saw him at a ball game and added him to fb & they started talking.  He is “infatuated” to say the least! 

Rachel is a very nice girl, she’s into photography, so her & I have a lot in common! I trust the 2 of them ZERO when they are together, they are both way too “into” each other…

More praying… lots more praying…

Lot’s of reminders of what it was like to be their age and madly in love… which spurs lots of fears in my heart for my son… which I am trying to turn into praying…

Zach & I struggle to get along many days… he’s a lot different to raise that James was… He’s a lot like I was at that age… which scares the living day-lights out of me… must pray.  must pray.  must pray.

In the next 2 weeks Zach will turn his focus heavily on the musical at school.  He has a large lead for a sophomore.  Tons of speaking passages that are long… he’s getting them, but wow!  I am excited to see that performance in the middle of March!

Leah’s ready for high school.  Middle school is so “immature” ya know!  Things are going okay with her.  I feel like I lose touch with her so easily… Lose her to that stupid Ipod… I hate those things. 

Planning to spend some time with just her today.  Looking forward to reconnecting.

She’s doing great in school, works hard at it… much harder than the boys have worked… urhg…

Well, I am going to end this update for now… need to go get ready for church… I hope to continue real soon with what’s up with the other 3!!

Thanks for reading!

Pam

Back to school…

The kids went back to school on Wednesday.

Kiahna refused to get out of the van on Wednesday.  And on Thursday.

Today she got out in the car pool lane without a fit.  Good news!

Her behaviors continue to be a huge concern. 

Put her back on the medication she was on before the last one we tried.  She seems to be just as angry off the medication as she is on it.  At least on the medication she is calmer & less impulsive.  We will see how long this lasts.

Her neurologist no longer takes our insurance.  Found that out yesterday.

Taking her to her new therapist today.  She doesn’t take our insurance either.

A week from today we are meeting at school to go over her IEP.  The special ed teacher admitted to me today that Kiahna is the first diagnosed FAS child she has worked with.

UHG.

DEAR GOD…. HELP!!!!

James went back to college on Wednesday too.  It was really nice to have him home.  It went well.  He’s maturing a lot and I am really proud of him.

Track meets start up for him next weekend.  We will try to get to some of them, many of them are hours away from here. 

Zach is 16 & 180 days today.  Officially old enough to take his drivers test & get his license. 

This could be good or bad.  We will see won’t we. 

(repeat above prayer here)

Leah’s birthday is Monday.  She will be 14.  She is planning a party for next weekend.  Wants to have boys and girls. 

shudder.

pray above prayer again.

I purchased a family membership to the new wellness center about 5 miles from our house. 

I’ve walked/ran 10 miles this week.  Swam some laps too.  Mentally I can see a big improvement in myself.  Physically, my body is screaming some things I can’t repeat on this family blog. 

It will be good for us all.

Better diet.  More exercise.  Good things.

Pam

An Update

I can’t do it all… did you notice?  Blogging has definitely fallen to the bottom of my “to-do” list.  I miss it.  But, I just can’t do it all…

To post one big long update or to post a bunch of small ones??  Hum… well… one big long one sounds easier…

Things have slowed down for the winter months with my photography.  Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  I began to feel a little burned out towards the end of the fall photo season.  It’s very hard to keep it all balanced.  I don’t feel that I did a very good job at balancing.  Something I will keep working on. 

Very thankful for all my customers this past year.

James got home Friday night for Christmas break.  Passed all his first semester classes (one by just a hair, yikes!)  Going back for next semester will involve the beginning of track season, indoor first & then out door.  Should keep him very busy.

He went through some hard times a little before Thanksgiving, not sure if he had made the right choice for the right college for him.  I think he’s worked through it (I HOPE) and will stay there as long as he can afford it. (scholarships & grades have to stay in place!)

Zach… well I could go on & on…I feel like he has come through the past couple weeks for the better.  I think he is seeing life a little differently.  Seems to have a better outlook on life.

The Bla*ke family appears to be doing as well as can be expected.  They are very thankful that the accident that Kurt had, a little over a week after Kipp’s death & a little over a mile from the place he died, didn’t turn out any worse than it did.  Kurt slid on the the ice & went right into the highway and hit the back end of a semi.  I just can’t imagine.

Back to Zach, his attitude at home has improved (most of the time), at school I am not so sure (got an email from a teacher), on the basketball court seems to be excellent. 

He had 14 points 3 games ago, 11 the next game, and I am not sure how many last night.  He had a good game though.  (even though they lost the last 2 by 1 point).  He is playing JV.

Legally, he should be able to get his drivers license on January 8th.  We will see.  He has a “new” car, he took me out and “taught” me how to drive it yesterday.  It’s a stick shift.  I haven’t driven one of those since we lived in Germany before he was born!  It was interesting, (he doesn’t even do that well at it) but I let him tell me how to do it all… so funny.  I think driving a stick shift must be a guy thing, way too much effort for me!

Leah’s doing pretty good.  We have our teenage moments, but for the most part it’s good.  She’s hilarious.  For example she recently put her face*book status as “in a relationship with frosty the snowman”.  And “hasn't lost her mind, her imaginary friend stole it and is asking for a ridiculous ransom of a thousand crayons for it! :(“

They had their middle school winter semi-formal…

These girls love to get dressed up!!  So much fun to watch them, the boys sure don’t get into it like the girls do!

Things are good with Lucas, I am enjoying these days with him… before hormones come in and ruin it all… sigh… he’s one great kid, that’s for sure.

Jadon is doing very well also.  His AD*HD is being controlled very well with medication at this point.  I am extremely thankful.  If you would go into his class, his classmates would tell you “Jadon never gets in trouble, he hasn’t had to pull one flag!”  (FAR CRY FROM WHERE WE WERE ONE YEAR AGO!!!!)

He’s had a couple of Christmas programs at school…

Rudolf in his class play (leading the pack)

And the 1-3 grade music program…

Hallie, Jadon & Kiahna

Kiahna has good days & bad days. 

She lost her second front tooth recently…

We got test results back from the specialist & many things were ruled out… leaving us with one answer for her issues.  She has all the symptoms of someone who was exposed to drugs or alcohol in the womb.  The label is called FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome).

Facts about FAS can be read here.

This fact is one of the hardest to swallow…

“FASD is the leading known preventable cause of mental retardation and birth defects, and a leading known cause of learning disabilities.”

It’s a very sad reality.  Someone made choices that caused this.  It’s part of the process of working through this.  Forgiving.

In our near future, I am waiting on a book & cd’s I ordered to come in… we have an appointment with a new counselor (one I have to pay for out of pocket)… we will have a new case conference at school to update her IEP.

School hasn’t been going very well.  I wonder what the best thing is to do for her.  I worry about her self esteem. I desire to see her blossom & flourish. 

Looking forward to Christmas!  The kids go to school until Wednesday this week… then they are spending Thursday with their dad (I don’t know if Kiahna will go, she hid so she wouldn’t have to go the last time we tried to get her to go along with the other kids). 

Friday we will be with my family at my parents.

Saturday we will have Christmas at home.

Leah & Lucas are going on a ski trip after Christmas with campus life.

Then after new years we are going tobogganing & to a hotel with my family.

Should be a fun busy time for us all!

Thanks for reading…

Love,

Pam

Many thoughts…

It’s been a good while since I wrote an update on our family.  I have much to be thankful for & much to continue to be prayerful for.  I’d like to share… If you’d like to hear.

James is home for the weekend!!  He “loves college”!  It is so good to have him here!  To see him in person!  It’s been a long/short 2 weeks since we moved him in & our convos since then have been quick & short & full of “gotta go mom!”  I am thrilled to pieces that he is loving it so much.  I think he’s studying!  I know he had some “shock” going into the first few classes with the amount of homework & papers that would be required.  He’s adjusting to that.  His thoughts, as of now, are that he won’t be back until fall break, mid October.  This is all so strange.  It’s good, just an adjustment!  He’s done a lot of sleeping this weekend… something I am sure they are not doing much of in the dorms!

We pulled my sister’s camper out of the barn yesterday & we have been camping in the back yard (the best kind of camping!! or at least the easiest!!!)  My younger kids are loving it!  My back is hating it!!  Not sure if I can do it another night, but in my heart I would love to try!

We are enjoying football season around here again!   Zach’s been playing mostly jv, but he got in for 2 quarters of varsity last Friday!  He’s much more excited about playing when he is getting some varsity time. 

Leah really enjoys cheerleading!  She’s such a fun girl to have around!

Her squad at photo day last week!

Kiahna turned 6 last Sunday.

My beautiful little girl is dealing with some major behavior issues.  Thankfully, at this point they are mostly just for me & nothing at school (to my knowledge). 

Her tantrums seem to be growing in intensity & frequency. 

I would give anything to know how to help her overcome whatever it is that is causing this in her.  I continue to search & pray for answers.

Last week there was a radio talk show on the FW Christian radio station, & 3 people called me to tell me to turn it on & listen.  It was Heather Forbes, author of the book Beyond Consequences. 

She is coming to FW this next Saturday & speaking.  I am planning to go.  I ordered her book & I am praying that this may finally be something to lead us towards some help.

Please keep us in your prayers.  Things can’t keep going like this.  She needs help.  I need help. 

A group from our church is coming this week and putting  a new roof on our house!!  How blessed we are for that!!  I have been oblivious to the state of the roof, but apparently there are some major things that need revamped & repaired on it!  THANKFUL God has people looking out for things like that for me, I sure have no clue!!

Now if my washer repair guy would come out & replace the part he ordered for my washer so that I don’t have to hit it with a football cleat to get it into the spin cycle, my life would be… well… better! :)

Pam

A big long update post…& new photos of my kids…

It’s been so long since I’ve felt like I had a guilt free moment to myself!!  It’s 9 pm & 3 of my kids are asleep & 3 of my kids are gone for the next 24 hours or more!

The 3 sleeping ones…

James, the worker, (& no new photos) in the blazing August heat & humidity all day, went right to bed when he got home with a “I didn’t get near enough sleep this weekend” comment. (YA THINK!?!)

3 weeks from last Saturday we will move him up to college.  I am actually excited & ready for it.  I wonder at myself sometimes, have a processed this?  Am I going to be okay?  When am I going to lose it?

His car was parked (as usual) behind mine in front of the garage, I told him “One of the things I WONT miss about you going to college!!  You car always being in my way!”  In the next moment I also knew, it would be one of the things I will miss.

Sounds like I need to start writing “YOUR Gonna Miss this Moments” again.  Would anyone join me?  Do I have any readers left after my scattered blogging??  Hello???

Zach is also asleep, after his first day of 2-a-day football practice, he turned in early.

It’s been a long summer with him.  He’s had too much time on his hands & had quite a few moments when I wished he had more of a job.

His work ethic stinks.  He has worked a little, but complained every time. Since the law changed on July 1, he now has to wait until January 7, 2011 to get his drivers license.  (It would have been August 7 (5 days from now, thank You Jesus for the law changing!!)

This one is so not responsible enough to be set free behind the wheel of a car… don’t trust him.  Nope.    By January, I hope it will be better, but it will also be icy here… uhg.

Miss Leah is not home tonight.  I dropped her off for cheerleading practice at the school & she went home with a friend.  They are going to Ceda*r Poin*t tomorrow with their 4H club. 

She’s hit the teen years like a mack truck.  Spending lots of time in front of the mirror, worrying about her hair… she’s a ball of fun with her friends &  a ball of grumps when she’s with us.

Are we having fun yet???

Three teenagers in the house… not so much fun.

At least they are cute.

Lucas is up at the lake with Grandma & Grandpa.  G & G rented a lake cottage for the week.  They are taking groups of grandkids to spend some days with them.

No new photos of him yet, since he’s been gone a few days.

He will start middle school in 2 weeks.  School is hard for him.  It’s not going to be fun.  He’s not playing any sports this fall, (THANK GOD!!!)  So, he will be working hard at school & We will only go to 2 or 3 football games a week, rather than 3 or 4!!!

Jadon… Jadon, Jadon, Jadon…

Read a whole post about my photo session with him over on my HERE on my photo-blog.

He has had a good summer though.  He has his moments, all kids do.  His A*D*H*D is under control with medication, supplements, counseling…  He’s doing pretty well.

He’s up at the lake with Grandma & Grandpa too.

First grade should be a whole lot of fun! 

Miss Kiahna is asleep in my bed right now… (I HOPE!)  Or messing with things in my room.

Life is still pretty complicated for Kiahna.  She isn’t responding very well to the A*D*H*D meds we’ve tried.  She’s pretty zoned out & has no appetite for lunch.

I tried some weeks this summer of no meds.  It was hard.  I took her to her counselor.  That was hard. 

Counseling hasn’t felt helpful.  Not sure if we should continue.

We are still waiting for the testing that was ordered last May.  Apparently, the specialists who do the neurological testing we are waiting to get, only take a few medi*cade patients a month. 

We’ve been told it could be the first of the year.

In the waiting… we… well… wait.  We wonder.  We question.  We don’t parent as effectively as we could if we knew. 

The counselor asked if I had heard of Asper*gers Syndrome, she thinks Kiahna should be tested for that.

I guess I’ve heard the word, but I really had no clue what it is.  Checking online for anything is scary.  But, I have to wait until the first of the year for testing.

This is all just a whole lot frustrating.

When I finally did look it up online, I found the following on the list of traits to describe children with this syndrome… (there were more but these describe her to a t)

• * Not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.
• *  Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech. Thus, your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. Likewise, his or her speech may be flat and difficult to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent.
• *  stare at others.
• *  Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized
• *  Have heightened sensitivity and become over stimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures.

There were just as many symptoms on the list that she doesn’t show, but it is some clue to what we may be dealing with. 

How exactly does one learn to parent a child like this?  And how does one teach others to deal with a child like this.  I have no idea.  I bet I learn.

So… I am still juggling a lot of plates.  Still needing a lot of prayer.  I’ve been neglecting myself & feeling very tense. 

I am loving my work with photography.

I have booked 2 more weddings & some other things already for the fall. 

See my next wedding couple's engagement photos here (a few of them at least, I am not done with them all yet)

I did the summer cards, you are probably sick of hearing about them.   I am holding a give away on my photo blog, so go sign up.

I took a leap & ordered  quite a few different designs & styles & I need to sell them!!  I am offering them for a discount right now.  You can buy them on Esty.

Thanks for the prayers, for reading.  I’d love to hear from you if you read this!

Pam