God is in the business of healing. I find it interesting the way He does it. Sneaks up on you and finds the wounds that maybe you didn’t remember you had, or didn’t know you had.
Ron from the electric company came to our house yesterday. The reason he came was that my electric bill was 1/3 more than it usually is and I called to ask for an explanation. They sent Ron out to check it out.
He says, “The first thing I will check is your air conditioner, but I am sure that HSSH (using his first name) has already checked that”.
I stand there kind of stunned. Doesn’t the whole world know he left? And how does this guy, who I have never met before, know him???
I say, “my HSSH?”.
He says, “yes, isn’t he in the heating and air conditioning business?”
Me: he left us three years ago.
Ron: I am sorry, how would I have known?
(well you knew enough to know his first name and his line of work!)
Ron was very nice, and apologized repeatedly for bringing HSSH up. I told him that it really was okay and that mostly I was caught off guard by the question because, I just assume that everyone knows what has happened.
Ron checked out my house and determined that a very neglected air conditioner and filer is the problem. Getting the filters and the outside unit cleaned should clear up the high electricity problem. He also thinks my fan motor is on it’s way out.
So how does any of this bring me healing? HSSH was indeed in the heating and air business. My air conditioner and furnace were indeed his babies. Facing taking care of them was like facing the betrayal and the reality that he is not here to do what only he could do.
Ron suggest that I call someone to come and maintain the system. I had no idea who to call. And will we repeat the same questions once they come out here and figure out who I am and who he was and what happened?
Facing the fears, I’ve called the number for a local repair shop and they are coming out to work on it sometime this week.
And, it’s okay. I have faced the fear and survived once again. The wound is healing. The reality is faced.
There is more to the story. I asked Ron how he knew HSSH. He told me that he had worked with him on jobs where HSSH was putting in heating and cooling units, and Ron putting in the electricity.
He was surprised to hear the HSSH had lost his business.
This is what happened… HSSH began installing heating and cooling units after he got out of the army. He slowly began his own business, working part time for my dad, and with me working full time in home day-care. It grew quickly, and he began having full time work, even hiring employees, and buying more equipment.
I was doing the book work. HSSH had one big problem. He didn’t bid his jobs right. He was taking too many losses. It was the cause of argument over argument between us. It was the cause of stress. He was working so hard, doing great work, and making so little. It was so frustrating.
As he would be working jobs, he would run into other contractors. He came home and told me of an opportunity to merge his business with another. We ended up meeting with 3 different companies over the years before finally having a merger work out.
It was a great opportunity for us. Our debt would be gone, incorporated with theirs and the burden off of our shoulders. We would have insurance. We would have ownership. The growing burden of the book-work would be off of my shoulders. He would be accountable to someone else for how he bid the jobs. He would learn from this man’s experience. He would make a salary. It was all too good to be true. Truly.
Within nine months of the merger, his partner decided that it wasn’t working. They couldn't financially make it. And in the deal that was made, HSSH was out of business. The debt was gone with it, so that was a relief, but it was still hard.
HSSH found a new job very quickly. It was another very good job. Not his own business, but benefits, good salary, commission. He was very good at what he did. He was now going to focus on doing what he was the best at, sales. He flourished at this new job.
Three months later, we found out that the business partner was up to no good. He had taken his family and “disappeared” in the middle of the night. Seems he also hadn’t fulfilled his end of the agreements and the debt we thought was gone was now back. HSSH’s name was not off the loans. We were in trouble. With the partner gone they were after us for the money.
My dad helped us out. Loaning us the funds to pay off the banks. Letting us pay him payments.
Things were okay again. At least they should have been.
HSSH grew increasingly depressed and angry. He wanted to track down this old partner and set things right. He couldn’t let go of it. It lead to other choices. Going places to deal with the depression that got him into trouble.
I guess one day he woke up and couldn’t take the lies he’d been telling any more.
He decided to tell the truth.
He decided that the grass on the other side was where he wanted to live.
And there he is.
He lost that really good job about a year ago. He got another job after a few months, working for minimum wage and commissions. He has lost that job now too. He’s been out of work all summer.
When I told Ron this yesterday, he was shocked. “With his skills?”
It is so sad.
But, me… I’ve faced the furnace fears… it is another step in the healing process.
Another thing Ron said yesterday, “you seem really strong. You are going to be okay.”
Yes, I am. My God is strong. In HIM I will be okay.
Pam
