A letter to Kiahna’s Birth-mom

Dear Kiahna’s Birth-mom,

You’re on my heart today, more than any other day of the year.  Today, I marvel at the courage you had to give birth to our daughter, and let her go.  Today, I wonder how you are dealing with that.  I wonder if you think about her.  I wonder if you would like to see her.  I wonder if you will ever be in our lives.  I wish you would be, sometimes.

I wonder if you ever went to college like you planned.  I wonder if you are an RN now.  I wonder how your other daughter is doing.  I wonder if she looks like her sister, Kiahna.

I re-read my journal entries today about the time we met with you for lunch.  You were so beautiful, and I wrote down every detail I could think of about you to tell our daughter one day. 

You must be 24 years-old now.  I wonder if you pick up the pictures we send to the agency.  I wonder if you think about sending us some of you and your family.  We would like that.

Kiahna doesn’t really understand about adoption yet.  We talk about it, but it hasn’t clicked in her mind yet.  I suppose it will in the next year or so, and she will realize she didn’t come from my body, but from someone who she hasn’t seen since she was only two days old.  I believe she will miss you with an ache that she won’t be able to explain.  I wish I could take that ache away, but I am afraid I won’t be able to.

Life for Kiahna isn’t what I thought it would.  She isn’t growing up in the two parent home I planned.  I am afraid she has suffered more rejection from the man that vowed to be her daddy.  It pains me terribly to know that is how it is.  I am sorry that it isn’t different.

When I watched to Olympics this year, and saw those girls running track.  I couldn’t believe how much Kiahna’s body is shaped like theirs!  I am pretty sure she will be a track and field star one day!  Maybe even in the Olympics!  I wonder if there are any track stars in her biological family.  Her adopted brother loves running the hurdles.  I am sure she will be jumping OVER him one day soon!

Today at the park she befriended a little amish girl… it was so sweet.  She is growing up and making friends. 

She will be going off to preschool two days a week, starting next week.  It will be good for her to become more independent.

I wish you well.  I pray that you have peace in your life.  I hope that you have happiness and joy.

Please know that I love our girl with all of my heart.  I don’t think that I could love her more under any circumstances. 

Love,

Pam