I know I posted late last night and that this is early Saturday morning, but I woke up and am a little nervous that there are no responses to my post about my children making that mess in the garage.
I hope that no one thinks that I neglect them! I really thought they were riding their bikes, and the basement is right inside the garage door and I was right at the bottom of the stairs folding laundry. I could hear happy sounds of playing children from where I was.
Last year we went through a time with Jadon that for a while I was so overwhelmed with behavior like this, and his impulsiveness, that we tried putting him on some ADHD meds. After this event with the gas, I began taking pictures and making an album of things that happened around here. It was one way that I found to cope with it all. (see, I wasn't blogging yet)
He was so full of anger. He is a very intelligent child. He is a very creative child. He gets bored quickly, and most days Kiahna and I are not near the entertainment that he is craving. So it became, create your own disaster…
He’s the orange shirt, the mattress is off the bed and he’s laying on the bottom…
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I found this pretzel stuck in the wax of this candle last Christmas. Scary.
Most people say that 4 is too young to diagnose ADHD, and in our case I think that it is too. His behavior got much better with the meds for me at home, but at school they were reporting a zombie behavior. In public he was not the friendly Jadon, he was zombie like. (worked from my point of view, no more losing him in Walmart, trying to keep him in a chair at a restaurant, having him run off at ball games)
The last few weeks of preschool I waited until after he got home to give him the pills, because, while they could handle his behavior at school, I wasn’t able to handle it at home.
It was in this process that we began searching for counseling too. After visiting 3 we finally found one that fit.
In the midst of this the older children were beginning to deal with some of the things that their dad had done, and they were in need of counsel too. So all of us have been going to the House of Hope for counseling since February.
I took Jadon off his meds and began trying diet and supplements. Something that I didn’t think I was capable of doing with our busy schedule. It has worked out this summer for us.
He’ll start preschool again soon and I think it will go good for him. These behaviors have improved dramatically. The counseling he had received at House of Hope has brought him much healing and tools that he and I both can use to fight.
We’ve learned to pray that God would come and heal all the broken places in Jadon, (and all the kids).
The process of going through counseling with my kids has been extremely difficult for me. Part of me wanted to believe that their dad’s choices had only hurt me, and they were all unaffected.
Realizing that I can’t “fix” this for my kids. I can’t change their dad’s choices. I can’t take away the hurt he inflicts with each passing day he is not choosing to be a part of their lives. That has been hard for me to accept.
I have no idea what that pain must be like as a child.
This wasn’t the life I dreamed of when we adopted Jadon and Kiahna. I wasn’t supposed to raise them alone. We weren’t supposed to be a family where they would be brought more hurt and rejection. This was supposed to be their safe place.
I’m doing the best I can. Some days it doesn’t feel like it even matters. I have so much help from my parents, which I am so grateful for. I am having to rely on God’s power of healing and restoration in my children's lives just like I have in my own. It's hard, I just want to "fix" it for them so they don't have to go through these things.
A prayer that has stuck with me through these past years, is that God would use all of these things to make them strong. I know that the enemy wants to use them to destroy. But, God will use them to bring full life to us all.
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." --John 10:10
Pam
5 comments:
Hi Pam,
I'll be the first to comment on this, as I had one that was diagnosed with ADHD too( at age 9). We choose not to medicate and informed the teacher that he will grow out of it. He's my very intelligent child and yep, he has grown out of it for the most part. He still has spells of uncontrollable movement, and he is better with his anger issues( and he did't have to go through what Jadon has) Since he is so smart, the teacher had to literally keep things in the back of the classroom for him to do when he finished his work before everyone else.
I believe God intervined for this child and helped us through some hard grades.
Pam,
Thank God for all the counselors that get people through rough times.
Thank God for moms like you who recognize needs and work their hardest at loving and providing for them.
Thanks for the post - those pictures were funny!
Another great post, straight from the heart. Thanks for sharing. I think the counseling is a great idea, but hard I'm sure. It can't be easy doing what you're doing, but if you continue to trust in God, he will see you through. That was a great thought that your kids will be stronger because of all this. Who knows who they will be able to help in the future. Keep it up!
Pam, Thanks for being so transparent on your blog. I know that this is such a tough time right now, but it really will get better.The first years were the toughest for me. I understand what you are saying when you write about this not being what you dream of for your adopted children. I have had those thoughts when I watch Sami sit in a hospital with Abby. It is a different situation, but stressful too.
This is not what you dreamed of for you children and for yourself, and dreams lost need to be grieved. But, you are the mother that God chose for your children, He knew the trials that you would go through, before they happened. He chose you to be their mother knowing what the future held. You are a great mother. You are in my prayers.
You are a fabulous mother doing her very best for her children. You can't control or change his actions, or their impact on your babies, but you can show them that they have an incredible mother that will always be there for them. And you have! Love to you.
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