Beauty for Ashes… divorce for weddings…

A couple weeks ago, it was a Sunday evening… I had photographed a wedding all day, it had been a gorgeous day, with a stunning bride & a knock out location for the shoot… I was uploading my files from my camera to my lap top when it hit me…

I love photographing weddings…

The profoundness of that thought just blew me away… because after all the pain that marriage has caused me in my life… God is using weddings to bring me great joy… to provide for my family… and HE has brought healing into my life in this area in a way I would never, ever have dreamed was possible.

My mind was awash with the verses in Isaiah about beauty for ashes…

“and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,”  Isaiah 61:3

It struck me hard that God was really doing this in my life… it’s not just words… it’s real.

I have written in my Bible, from a counseling session in 2009, “God is doing verses 1 to 3 so that He can do verses 4-11… I’d have to agree two years later, I finally am seeing it…

“Instead of your shame
   you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
   you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
   and everlasting joy will be yours.”  verse 7

The hard days in the past six years (wow), have been overwhelming… and we still have hard days.   Jadon had a hard time on Sunday, dealing with Father’s day… the rest of the kids didn’t voice their pain or frustration, but I know at least one of them is doing an awful lot of “running” still.

Since Sunday though I have seen a change in Jadon.  I’ve seen a better attitude & better attachment to me.  The issue for Jadon & Kiahna is double force with the abandonment of their birth families & then the abandonment of their adopted dad.  We are in counseling, I am taking Jadon today to the counselor that has been helping me with Kiahna.

I say all that I guess to give a more accurate picture.  Are we “done” dealing with this issue?  No, but we are better, we are beginning to taste that “double portion”… we are beginning to have more days of joy, rather than the darkness & ashes.

I am incredibly excited & blessed by the path I am seeing James take these days.  God is doing a work there… It’s leaving me with my mouth hanging wide open at this point… wanting to pinch myself to see if this is real.  I’ll share more as I can, but wow.

I see Zach making more mature choices, I hope.  He’s in Wisconsin with the basketball team & some parents right now.  I would be lying to you if I said I wasn’t a little bit concerned he was going to so something stupid.  I haven’t had any phone calls… so I hope that’s good news.  He has a great heart, but he is very influenced by others… and he is my “runner”… how busy can he keep himself so he doesn’t have to deal with reality? 

If you don’t have links to my photography pages it’s time you got those!!

This is my photography blog

This is my photography website

This is my face book fan page

My heart’s desire is to glorify God in all of this, go take a peek at what HE has done… I am stunned.

Pam

19 years later

I still remember the vows I made… & I still believe God wants to do a miracle… crazy as it all is. 

I believe.

Pam

Are you believing lies?

Over the past week, as I am watching/listening to these videos.  Praying about how to respond to some friends with questions.  Reading daily devotionals from Rejoice Ministries, I’ve been having lots of thoughts.

I was reminded this past week, that our enemy doesn’t have many tactics to destroy us.  He doesn’t need many.  The ones he has work very effectively. As he begins lying to us… and we believe one lie and then another… soon there are so many lies we don’t know which way is up and we have no idea how to get out of our mess… and way to often we just succumb to it.  Feeling helpless and hopeless. 

I am pretty sure that he starts with most of us with the lie that goes… “you made a mistake in marrying him/her”.  And then if we agree, he’ll just feed that lie until we believe it with our whole heart and feel utterly helpless to change anything.

I can remember a time that we lived in Germany.  We were on a base.  Secluded from family and friends.  Phone contact was minimal & outrageously expensive. Letter contact was slow.  There was no e-mail.  None of the amazing communication systems we have now (hard to believe that was only 14-16 years ago!)  We had no phone in our house, the only phone was down the street a few blocks.  I have no idea now what we were fighting about, but I was so ticked at HSSH.  I went out the door, with my purse.  I was calling my parents.  Asking for a plane ticket, and getting out of there. 

I got to the phone booth.  The phone booth only took German money.  I had none.  I walked back to our apartment. Tail between my legs.  Cooled down majorly.  And stayed.  We resolved our issue.  Whatever it was.

In time I had to learn to say “No” to that voice that told me to get out when the going got tough.  I remember a few years after that.  We had moved home, had a couple more kids.  I made a resolve in my mind not to use the word divorce any more.  That it was not going to be an option I let myself think about again.  I was committed to this man, this marriage, and giving any thought to the word divorce was not helping. 

Obviously, it didn’t stop divorce from happening to me.  But, it has made a difference in where I am today because when divorce was on the table I still didn’t want to accept it.  I wonder if the fact that I had made that resolve has anything to do with the fact that I am still praying for restoration of our marriage even after our divorce?

In the 2nd video from Newspring Church, IWantANewMarriage series, Perry says this…

The first attacks he (satan) ever made was on the institution of marriage.  And he’s never going to give up.  So one of the things we’ve got to do is adopt a fighter’s mentality and be willing to fight for our marriage.

The problem that is coming at you even thought it is big, is not bigger than the God we serve.  You’ve got to understand that.  Satan is coming after your marriage.  He’s coming after it with a vengeance…

…Nehemiah understood that attack was imminent.  It was going to come so he stood up and said…

‘After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, ‘Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.’”

Yes, the verse that I have on my computer screen, and the chapter I wrote about here.  I just love it when God reminds me of a promise He made… especially when it has been so long since He made it.

“He said, “Fight for your homes!  Fight for your homes!  Fight!  One of the things we’ve got to be willing to do as married men & women is fight the problems that are coming our way.

If you are passionately perusing Jesus, you will not passionately pursue divorce. 

You may not be able to do anything about him or her,,, He’s signing divorce papers… He’s doing this… He’s doing that.

But, you are responsible for you.  And if you are passionately perusing Jesus, you will not passionately pursue divorce.

You’ll do everything you can to make that thing work.

Maybe it shouldn’t go without saying that there are times when we are in physical danger and need to remove ourselves from the circumstances and pray.  We need to find healing.  We need to let God deal with our spouse one on one.  Sometimes God allows temporary separation for our own good.

Another story, not long after HSSH left us.  I was walking down our stone road.  Crying.  Okay, Screaming out to God.  I was begging Him, through my tears, to have mercy on us. 

I was stunned to realize He was speaking to me in that place of incredible pain, and His answer went like this…”This is my mercy.  My mercy is that I have removed HSSH from your home while I deal with him”

… and so, God began to break out of the box I had Him living in… and I still try to grasp this reality.

God’s time tables are so different from ours.  And we give up so easily when we are believing lies, and we have circumstances to back them up.  I know.  I wonder how many lies I am believing?

In Beth Moore’s Book, Praying God's Word, she devotes one chapter to Overcoming Deception… Where am I believing lies God?  Will you show me?

“Father God, You have adamantly warned Your children not to be deceived. (James 1:16) Am I presently being deceived in any way?  If I am, please reveal it to me and give me the courage to cease cooperating with deceptive schemes.”

Pam

IWantANewMarriage, Continued.

Last week, you may have watched a short clip that I posted.  A promo from a teaching series someone brought to my attention, called…

IWantANewMarriage 

I wonder if anyone went and watched or listened to any of the video, or downloaded the podcast? 

From the Newspring Church website:

“Are you worn out? Miserable? Ready to trade it all in and start over? If you're here, you probably should. Start watching this series to find out how to flip the switch on getting rehitched.”

I am not affiliated with this church in any way.  Someone just sent me a link to this teaching.  I like what I am hearing.  I think that all of us could benefit from hearing the message that Perry Noble is delivering.

If you like a honest, blunt, convicting, humorous and life changing message. This message is for you.  If you don’t like a message like that, then this message is probably really for you!

The message is toward married and singles.  Here is another clip…

I’ve watched this video a few times.. if it wasn’t so incredibly true of what is going on in our world, it would be funny.  

I’ve listened to a few of the lessons.  If you go to listen/watch you can forward about 30 minutes into the video to get to the speaking part.  But, if you have time to listen to the worship that is a blessing too.

I’ll share my thoughts about this soon…

Pam

iWantANewMarriage

Someone needs to check this out with me today….

IWantANewMarriage