Screen One.

I took Kiahna to get her testing done today by A/W services.  A county funded program. 

Let me back up though.  I also took her to CC preschool this morning, for the 4th time.  I realized this morning that leaving her there with the teacher is not going to happen any time soon.  The teacher won't be able to handle her on her own.  She has no helper.  And although A (our counselor) says and wants to help out, we didn't even see him there today.  He is the principal, teacher, and pastor at that school... Other things come up besides us.  Expecting him to be there to help Kiahna twice a week is not realistic.  As much as he would argue with me, and would want to be, it just isn't.  So, I realized and accepted that I would just be going with her, until further notice.  I don't mind.  I enjoy playing with the kids.  The teacher is noticeably able to be more effective in working with children as I take some and play with them while she works with others.  It will work.  Kiahna will get the much needed social interaction she needs, and I'll enjoy spending time with her.  It's fine.

I tried leaving the room for awhile today.  Kiahna seems to seek a reaction.  She looked (and saw) me out the window and walked over and put her hands on another child and pushed him.  (within 1 minute of me leaving the room) 

I'll have just to work in at least one other time each week that I can get a break.  Last week  I met for lunch and prayer.  I don't know when or how I will do Bible Study on Thursday mornings.  It will have to be another time.  I'll need to work some things out differently.  But it will be fine.

So then we go to this testing.  I have already been told in advance, by our pediatrician Dr. F, and by the head lady at A/W, that Kiahna won't qualify because she is too smart.  So, I am doing this with no expectation.  Only to say that I did it.

Well.  Kiahna didn't pass the screening.

She passed on 5 of the 6 areas.  Failed the social area.  No surprise there.  When the lady (Lynette) added up the scores, the total said she didn't pass.  She was baffled and re added twice more.  Once aloud so I could help her.  She didn't have enough points to pass.

So this means she moves on to further evaluation. 

Before Lynette added up the scores she told me that she wanted to help Kiahna.  And that she was thinking in her mind "how can I help her".  She does not believe that the (state) guideline is a good one that keeps some kids out of getting help because they know their colors and numbers.  She told me that she "wears her heart on her sleeve for these kids, and really wants to help Kiahna".

She said that Kiahna's "education is being effected by her behavior, not her learning, but her 'education' as a whole"

Here is another thing.  The test is scored with the child either receiving a 2,1, or 0.  2 is pass, 1 is  1/2 pass, and 0 is fail.  Kiahna got all 2's or 0's except 2-1's.  So here is the thing, she knows the stuff.  She just either refuses or tunes out the teacher.  She will say, "No, I am not going to tell you".  Or she will slip into this talking to herself mode and not even realize that anyone is asking her anything (at least she appears to not realize it)

At one time today in the screening she told Lynette she was going to bite her.  (Lynette wrote that down).  Lynette also said that they would have to take into consideration the way things went at her first preschool.  And that could weigh into getting her into their head-start program.

Now, after Christmas she will go back. She will attend their head-start preschool for three days.  They will observe, evaluate, and make a decision as far as letting her stay in their program.

I felt relief.  Like maybe we would get help and it won't all fall on me (or my dad).  Maybe with this woman's help, AND A MIRACLE OF HEALING, she could learn to behave properly in school by the time she goes to kindergarten in a year and a half. 

It keeps getting brought up to me, the question of if she was drug exposed.  I don't know.  I am beginning to believe that she was.  As A was praying for her last week, he felt we should pray for healing of her brain.  He asked about the drug abuse.  Today, Lynette asked about drug abuse.

All wrapped into this is the fact that I am needing to face that my little girl is not the perfect child I ordered.   There is a grieving of sorts that goes along with that reality.  It's been going on for me for awhile, but today again it was heightened, and I had a lot of mixed feelings.  I am glad to get help, but I wish she didn't need it.  I never realized how hard it is to be a parent of a child that doesn't fit in the box.  It's giving me a new look on parenting, adoption, and special needs kids. 

Of course I am asking you to pray.  Wisdom, Healing, Guidance, Direction, Hope.... Dear Jesus, HELP US.

As I type those words, I think... How many times have I prayed that simple prayer in the past 3 years?  Isn't it amazing that He does.  That He can.  That He will.  And He doesn't get tired of our simplicity.

I really believe He rigged Kiahna's test today to get her the help He wants for her.  That was my thought as Lynette was recounting the scores for the third time.

Lead the way... We are following YOU.

Pam