“Once they hand me that diploma & I walk out of that school everything will be okay in my life”
“The problem is them. They all hate me. They all want to ruin my life. They are out to get me”
My heart aches to see you find healing, son…
My head spins with all the things I want you to know & understand about life…
You won’t find happiness in the next stage in life if you don’t find it here. It isn’t going to come from getting your diploma. It isn’t going to come from a girl. A college. A wedding. A baby. A job. A move.
It’s only going to come from within your heart, when you choose to let Jesus Christ come in & heal the broken hurting places. When you choose joy in the midst of the world that hurts. When you put others before yourself.
Without it you will only go through life hurting & hurting others.
“I don’t believe you”
I know. I’ve lived. I’ve watched. I’ve hurt. I’ve been hurt.
Just say the words “I am angry at my dad for what he did to me, I am angry that he isn’t here for me now. I am angry that I don’t have his support in my life”… say the words out loud…
“I have said the words. There is this one teacher who likes me & I have talked to her every day last week”
“I just need to talk to this one girl again, she will listen to me”
Am I not listening to you son? Because I have an opinion about what you are saying I am not listening? Are you going to go to someone who will tell you that everything you say is right & everyone around you is wrong? Are you just looking for people to agree with you? Other angry people will.
This has been a hard road. Everything that has happened has changed all of us forever. We will be dealing with the things that this has done to us for the rest of our lives. I believe that. There is forgiveness to give & bitterness to fight every day because the betrayal continues.
I watch my son get lost in it all… I ache.
Prayers change as children grow up & the control we once had, or felt like we had… the voice that we had that they could hear that they no longer can hear… My prayer for my grown(ing) up sons… I am so glad YOU are their FATHER… YOU got this right? I can rest? YOU know what to do… I believe You…
Aching for my son.
Pam
4 comments:
Two things I hope might help:
1. I had a lot of hurt when I was a teen and even into my early 20s.. I turned to drugs, foods, rebellious behavior, but I came through loving Jesus with all my might! I pray for the same for your son.
2. My 32yo husband is seriously the same way. It's always the new job that will make him happy. It's always his boss who causes the problems at work. It's been several jobs and several bosses and I love my husband dearly, but I can see it clearer than he can. Just as you do with your son. After a decade of marriage I've come to realize he isn't going to change. I've tried many different approaches and he just doesn't get it. So you know what I do? I support him. Even though I disagree and I believe he causes his own problems and blames other people. But what he needs more than anything when he is in that mindset is a supporter. And that's what I give him. I listen and when appropriate I do offer a suggestion, but if he is unwilling to accept, I just retreat. If your suggestions are falling on deaf ears, maybe try just listening and pretend that you completely see his point of view - for no other reason than to make him feel like he isn't alone. Because having a mom offer suggestions that don't jive with your mindset basically sends him the message "She doesn't understand me (or the situation) at all." But after a few weeks/months of showing him that you "get him" I bet he'll be more open to suggestions.
So sorry.
I, too, had a very hurting son. He walked a roller coaster walk for 10 years (age 15-25). He blamed anyone and everyone for his problems.
We kept loving him. We kept telling him that the Lord loves him. We kept giving grace.
We are hoping and praying that this past weekend is the fresh start that he has been waiting for.
He got married ... to a beautiful girl ... who is expecting his baby next month. It is not what we had hoped and dreamed, but we have told him from the start that if this is what the Lord uses to get his attention, than we will praise Jesus for the work He is doing.
While the past 8 months have been tough (since 19 year old girlfriend found out she was pregnant), we have seen growth ... we have watched God work ... and we are very hopeful that his darkest of nights will turn into the brightest of days.
Praying the Lord touches Zach's life in a mighty way. Seriously ... as I pray for my dear son, I will remember yours, as well.
HUGS!
Laurel
thanks for the comments, prayers & virtual hugs ladies... pray that I can continue to nurture a relationship with Zach & trust God with his future. I can't tell you the amount of fear that comes on me in times like this. When you talk about your husband "girl child"... I have to say I understand that one too. Mine did this for 15 years with me until I finally didn't fit in the picture anymore & he had to run away from me too. "If he just gets a new wife" "If I just have another kid with her"... it just keeps going on and on... he is 41 now... how long will it be until he finds the peace & healing he needs... the circumstances with him make the fear with seeing any of that in my kids so huge it wants to choke me to death... pray. It will be God's work that brings healing into Zach's heart... just like it will be in his dad's... I hope... one day.
i wish i could not understand and agree totallly with your post... but unfortunatley I have two children who are 24 and20 and apparently hell bent on destroying their lives an thier childrens in the process... all i can do is try to help the babies and pray for them.
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