Forgiveness Comments… and Hi/Lo Thursday

I thank those of you who left me such encouraging comments yesterday on my post about forgiveness.  I am touched that you were touched. 

I checked, my blog got 193 hits yesterday.  This post got 11 comments.  I wonder if the 182 of you who looked at the post, and didn’t comment, thought… she’s just crazy.  Out of her mind.  Delusional. 

Or maybe you thought, yeah that is fine for her… but she didn’t have x, y, and z done to her.

Or was it, he must be some great catch, to want him back so bad.

Or maybe the pain is just too raw, and maybe I don’t have the right words to speak to just everyone’s hearts…

Let me address a few of those unasked questions…

Yes, I’m crazy!  ;)

I have purposely not exposed HSSH’s failings on this blog.  But, that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. I’d talk to anyone personally, or by e-mail if you wanted to get more in depth with me on the specific things you are struggling to forgive and the specific things that God has helped me to forgive.

Please don’t think this is easier for someone else than it would be for you.  Forgiveness is not easy for any of us.

In fact, as I was thinking about this more yesterday, I wondered about the things that happen to us that are not maybe so HUGE and UGLY, but smaller and kind of like a pebble in your shoe.  Maybe that is the thing that you really need to forgive.  Not a huge thing, by man’s standard, but God doesn’t see sins on the levels that man does, does He.

What if your pain is too raw?  Too recent?  Too much?  What if it just doesn't stop even if I forgive and forgive?  What if it is just too hard?  What if no one understands? 

Someone always understands.  No matter where you are in the matter.  years past.  In the midst.  Or just a raw, open, oozing sore that is continually being ripped open.  God knows.  He sees.  He hears.  He never misses a tear… He feels the pain with you. 

“Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy”

Psalms 126:5

“You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights,  Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.”

Psalms 56:8 (msg)

I write all this with scars that are very fresh.  From wounds that couldn’t seem to heal, because they were constantly being torn open again and again by my circumstances.  My doubt.  My worry.  My disappointment.  My unforgiveness.   

There is no pride in what I write here.  Only confession and glory to God who has brought me through it, this far.  Yes, I am a little crazy.  Crazy enough to believe that God can do this in all of us, if only we will let Him… because I am feeling it in myself.

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This post is part of "Hi/Lo Thursday" on the Riggs Family Blog. Check out their blog to read everyone else's "Hi/Lo" posts and for a chance to win $100.

 

How about a few Hi/Lo Thursday things today…

Hi…

• I won over $200 by doing this post last week!  If they offer a prize again, I’ll take my name from the drawing!!  ;)  So go give it a try yourself!!
• My parents are returning from their never ending 12 day vacation tomorrow!! 
• I got my furniture put back in place after the water we had come in last week! I even got things scrubbed down and organized as I put it all back!
• Kiahna’s second day at her new preschool went much better than her first one!
• In one month we will be leaving, with my parents (yes, they get to go again! but this probably doesn't count as a true “vacation” for them!) and my sister, bil, and their 4 kids for FLORIDA!!  SPRING BREAK!!!  11 kids (James is taking a friend) 5 adults. 3 vans.  It’s an adventure, to say the least!
• Most of those things that were making me crazy on Monday, I can’t even remember now!

Lo…

• James isn’t doing so hot in Spanish class.  (trying to be kind here)  Consequences are in place.  Consequences that he, of course, believes are totally unfair.  And I struggle, again, with the reality that I am doing this alone.  And that is still hard.
• I had a conversation with Kiahna this week.  She was telling me something, about “dads”. 
• Me:  “Do you have a dad?”
• K:  “No!”
• Me:  “Yes you do, his name is ‘J’. 
• K:  “NO! ‘J’ is NOT my dad!  James is my dad” 
• Me: uhg.  “No, James is your brother. ‘J’ is your dad.”
• K:  “No.  Jadon is my brother.”
• Me:  “No, you have 4 brothers, James, Zach, Lucas, and Jadon.” (holding up 4 fingers)
• K:  “oh”

Oh Lord, help me know how to help them. 

Pam