Wise or Foolish?

Did anyone notice anything? 

Like, how last week, when I finished writing the post titled Standing, I ended with the words, “Tomorrow I will tell you the things that I found when I went back into my journals...”  And even though almost a week has past.  I haven’t.

Maybe you didn’t notice. 

Maybe you did.

God has been, oh, how should I put this?  Dealing with me on this.  You see, it is not that I haven’t had the time to write that post.  It was written up the same time as the first post.  And it is sitting in my “drafts” box.  I pulled it up a couple times last Wednesday and just couldn’t hit the “publish” button.

At first, I wasn’t sure why I hesitated.  I don’t know if I even asked God to show me why I hesitated.  One of the things I like about God, is that even when I  don’t know what I need to know, He does.   And He has such an amazing way of speaking.  If only I have ears to hear.

Lord, give me ears to hear.  Even when I don’t want to hear what You are saying.  And even when I don’t realize I need to hear something.

You know what I realized?  I was hesitating about posting the things that I believe God told me about my marriage because I didn’t know if I really believed it anymore.  It has been easy to say I did.  But, God was opening my eyes to the fact that deep down, in the dark places of my soul.  I had quit believing.  Quit hoping. 

I don’t want to look like a fool. I don’t want to be wrong.  In fact, not wanting to be wrong, that might be where I struggle the most.  If you asked HSSH, trust me, he would tell you that I always have to be right.  One of my biggest faults.

So, what if I am wrong.  What if all that I think I heard God say about HSSH and my life is a misunderstanding? 

I’ve had to come to the point where I am willing to look foolish for God.  Take the risk of being wrong.  And believe.

Thursday morning, I heard Graham Cooke say on a cd…

“As believers we must hit a time when we overcome.  You've gotta cross that line and get a Mindset, in your tiny little brain, that says, know what?  I'm gonna change the way I think and I'm gonna start overcoming.  I think I'm gonna live in God's shadow.  You've gotta hit a time when your not being pushed around anymore.  You're not laid low easily.  You're not always on the defensive.  You're not always, you know, struggling from on trauma to another.”

I sat in the car pool line at preschool and thought, “I have to write this down.  This is where I am with HSSH.  This is where I am with this stand.”

I have got to stop letting the circumstances (which would make your ears bleed if I told them to you) control my hope, and start overcoming.  Stop jumping back and forth between doubt and belief.  God doesn’t want me doing that. 

So what if I am wrong?  Am I willing to look foolish for God?  Am I willing to take a chance that God did speak to me?  And that He really does want to do what He said He will do?  Is the hold up my lack of faith? 

It boils down to this.  I believe God spoke to me over and over and over again about our circumstances.  I believe He spoke to others about our circumstances.  Do I understand what all that means?  I don’t know that I do.  Will I be guilty of staying silent for fear of being wrong?  God forbid.

Whatever the outcome.  I will Trust You God.

So, Here’s the first one I am going to share with you… Coincidentally, it too came through something that Graham Cooke said in one of his books…

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This is from a journal entry of mine dated… 4/19/2006

I was reading the book Crafted Prayer by Graham Cooke.

In the book it encourages us to search for the will of God and pray along the lines of what He is doing, and then receive answers to our prayers.  (my paraphrase)

So these are the notes that I had written in my journal.  Questions that the book said to ask God, and the answers I felt God giving me.  I remember when I did this. The answers were extremely quick to come into my mind, and they amazed me. (answers in all caps) I knew that I, in no way could have come up with these answers, especially in that quick amount of time, and this cleverly...

1.  What is it that God wants to be for me now that He could not be at any other time?

EVERYTHING.

2.  What is God doing in me to make me more like Jesus? 

REFINING.

3.  What else is God doing through me to the people around me as I go through these circumstances? 

MANIFOLD WITNESS OF MY LOVE AND POWER.

Questions for God...

* So what are You up to?  RESOLUTION

* What's happening here?  RESTORATION.

* What is it You want to do?  REFINE.

* I know, You... You're up to something, what is it?  REPAIR.   

* what does it look like?  REPENTANCE.

* what's the plan Father?  RETRUBUTION

* What do you want me to do?  REST.

It amazed me most that all of those last 5 started with "R"... And with how quickly they came to my mind, I knew I was not making them up myself...

In the coming months God continued to confirm these to me... Through His word, other people's comments, the Bible studies I was in, and praying with others, it was just amazing. 

Time and circumstances have repeatedly tried to rip these from me.  Going back and rereading them, I am thinking today that I should have these posted on my forehead, instead of having to dig in a journal to find them!  What is my problem? 

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There are a couple of other things I want to do.  First, I have recommitted myself in the past few days to believing that this is really what God wants to do in our lives.  Second, I have begun collecting posts I have written on this topic and I am compiling them in a new blog called “Standing”.  I am asking you if you will come along side me in prayer.  Prayer for my family.  Myself.  And my Ex-Husband.  Believing with me that God’s words would be fulfilled in our lives.  Whatever that means.  However long it takes. Whatever that looks like.  His Best. 

Third, I want to write about it more often. I want to tell you more about how God is speaking to me in this area.  I want to give you the chance to grow and be stretched along with me (see how nicely I share!)

Are you with me?

My pastor said Sunday morning about Solomon… “he started out strong, but didn’t end so well.”  (and I am thinking, yeah and he was one of the wisest men who ever lived!)  But, I saw myself in this… God has asked me to believe Him for Restoration of my family.  I started out so strong… how will it end?

Pam