“…And then I’d say I know it’s tough when you break up after seven months, I know you really liked her, and it just don’t seem fair. All I can say it pain like that is fast and it’s rare.
Oh you got so much going for you, going right… but, I know at 17 it’s hard to see past Friday night…she wasn’t right for you, but still it hurts like there’s a knife, sticking out of your back, and you’re wondering if you’ll survive… you’ll make it through this and you’ll see…” ---Letter to Me, Brad Paisley (listen in the sidebar)
These words have been in my heart and mind these past 24 hours… I’ve been praying for my son as he works through the break up with his girlfriend. I’ve been praying that he learns, that he finds healing, rather than this make him more angry, or repeat his parent’s mistakes… Only God. Heal my son’s broken heart.
Another 2 hour delay of school this morning has brought with it extra time for me to be reading, praying, and processing things in my own journal. I sit amazed this morning at how God worked yesterday, our wedding anniversary date… or should I say, our un-anniversary date… don’t quite know what to call it… let’s call it a day that God used to bring more healing into my life. Yeah, that’s a good name.
Your love, prayers, and comments yesterday touched my heart. I am truly blessed to get to walk through these days surrounding by amazing people far and near.
The day began with my usual Monday breakfast date. My sister-in-law (HSSH’s brother’s wife) Judy, Kiahna and I. Somehow we ended up talking about HSSH and I, back in the dating years. For some reason she had never heard that part of the story. How completely jelly like he made me. How I couldn’t seem to muster a rational thought to save my life. How the people observing must have been completely frustrated with my choices. How oblivious I was to all of that.
In that conversation, at least two things occurred. One, I had a new heart of compassion as I remembered myself at 17, and the very real pain of break up and relationship. That resulted in more of a compassion and understanding for the feelings of my son later in the day. Second, I realized that HSSH no longer holds that kind of control over me. I don’t feel like I am in a place where I would crumble at the sight of him, like I would have, oh, say, maybe a year ago? Two years ago… most certainly 20 years ago.
The realization that the “stand” I take today for our marriage is not one of a emotional, dependent, have to have this or I’ll die attachment… but one coming from a more healthy, this is what God is asking of me, and I hold it, with an open hand, believing God can do all things…
Second, I had a phone conversation, for the first time, with my now real life friend Paula! I was able to talk freely about some of the grunge of the past few years… and I was able to walk away from it without doubting myself. In fact when I asked her if I had made her question my sanity knowing more of the details… she replied “the more impossible a situation looks, the more glory He receives”. Amen, sister. Thanks for the listening ear that I needed yesterday… and for standing with me.
Later in the evening, after my massage, after dinner, after still fighting a headache all day… I got a third chance to talk to a friend. She had no idea it was our anniversary, and “just happen” to call… with her I talked about how things are today…
In hindsight I see that God allowed three conversations, all directed towards different portions of my life. All to show me the big picture of where things actually are today. To help me deal with my son. To help me get through a potentially difficult day, with healing, with hope, and seeing how HE continues to bring beauty, life, and hope out of the ashes…
How incredibly Good He is.
In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.--Psalm 18:6, 16-19
Pam
10 comments:
It's tough...breakups... One of the toughest things in this world. We get very "used" to people. We will say a prayer for James. And you!
I remember being heartbroken, thinking it was the end of the world when I had break-ups when I was younger. I wish I'd somehow learned to vest more of myself in the Lord and less in my significant others. It's taken me a long time to get there (even in my married life),to depend on my Saviour first and foremost, and it's still a process. But men (or women) will always let us down. It sounds like you are being a great Mom to him! Thank you for sharing your parts of your life! I will say a prayer for him!
Have a Blessed Day!
Wonderful, Pam. I am almost speechless. I'm honored to be able to see how God is working in you. How mystical and awesome to look back on just ONE day and see all He did. I'm glad I was a part of it and one of the three phone calls. You've come far and will continue to go far because He is at the head. No more jelly...
How wonderful God allowed you go go back so many years (not that many) to the age of 17 and feel more of what your son is feeling. I, too, remember the pain of the breakups. Break ups are hard. Maybe harder at that age because we think this person IS the one. Later in our years, we become to see God IS the one and He'll provide the human partner for us.
Praising the Lord with you, for you, and because of you.
Your real life friend.
☺
Love,
Paula
I'm sorry for your son. I know it's really painful. Hugs for both of you.
I am sorry to hear about your sons break up...those are so hard. I don't look forward to those days. I will say a prayer for his broken heart. Glad that you made it through yesterday and you sound so good! You sound stronger!
Ouch, that pain is so real at that age. My husband and I dated when was 17 for about 6 months -- then he broke up with me. I was devastated and went to school the next day with eyes swollen and red. I'm glad God reminded you of those days.
I agree, I think He orchestrated your conversations.
God bless you as you walk with Him Pam.
Love!
Beth
One of my favorite scriptures. I love how The Message words it.
I hate to see you hurting so much but understand that it sometimes is necessary to bring healing. Wishing you better days to come.
LORI
I am so glad that you found comfort from friends and your faith on such a difficult day. Hugs to you!
It sounds like your day was filled with grace. His grace.
It blesses me to see how in tune you are with how God is working in your life. .
I didn't realize that James' girlfriend broke up with him. I'll be praying for him. That's a difficult age to experience that kind of heartache. I know all about that. But boy am I thankful it happened the way it did for me.
The pain of a broken heart is always so difficult, but especially when you are young. Your son will be in my thoughts.
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