I also just realized that I am not real happy with “how” things are being played out, as God answers the prayer!
Can I laugh at myself?
Sorta?
For almost the whole time HSSH has been gone, I have been telling him that he needed to be the one that made the effort with the kids. He needed to be the one that came and was a part of their busy lives, not expecting them to be a part of his “new” life (90 miles away from them)
This morning I realized something. In the past week, HSSH has suddenly started making more effort than he has made in over 3 years with his kids.
That is an answer to prayer. That is God.
So, why do I find myself feeling angry and upset by it?
Is it because it doesn’t look quite like I had imagined it would?
Is it because instead of embracing me and saying “you were right about this, Pam”. He appears to be even angrier at me than ever. (maybe because he hates that I was right?)
I am not finding the satisfaction in being right about this that I wanted to find.
Instead I am finding the pain of rejection. Rejection of me. As he embraces our kids. I find it hard to handle.
I know it is right that he does this. I know it is God’s Hand that is allowing this. Help me Jesus to not grow bitter. Please Help Me Jesus to deal with the jealous feelings I have.
Maybe part of me got real comfortable with the “new normal” we were living. And change is hard again? Him living his life and us living ours was so much simpler. Not that it was right.
The news is that HSSH has told the kids he will be coming to Zach’s game tonight at 5:30.
You know we need your prayers.
God Help Me to Keep Praying Your Will and Not Mine. Help me to Walk Out Your Will…
I shared something I read yesterday on my blog Standing too.
Thank you.
Pam
6 comments:
I had been thinking of you lately and your updates. I knew this was brewing. I felt this were the feelings you were having but it was not my place to tell you your feelings.
Talking about him seeming to be angrier at you...did you read the RM devo today...Bob spoke of how the prodigal will seem to hate us more than when they left. Hmmm...I thought it was interesting and applicable. Now, reading how HSSH seems angrier at you...fits like a glove, huh?
I'm here for ya...vent/type/text/call when you have the energy...
I'll go read standing now.
Love,
Paula
Pam,
You absolutely have my prayers for this. For the kids' sake, its good to hear he wants to be a part of their lives. For what it is putting you through, my prayers are spoken all the more. Having said that, I know that God will carry you and that, through this, he has more to show you. I'm praying for Jim to see the Truth.
Love,
Carol
you sweet thing...i reemember a very similar time for us a few years ago and i thought it would be a good realization but it wasn't...it was sad. god has such big plans...and good thing he doesn't say "uh oh, pam"...praying that you see the shore from the boat in the midst of your storm.
Praying for you today and tonight. Love is stronger than Spite!
I'm praying for you. It is hard to realize that the answer to your prayers are not exactly what you wanted. But God does have much bigger plans for us than we see. I will be thinking and praying for you.
Hey Pam!
This is Tim from Fort Thompson. I saw your comment at Beths about not coming over and visiting because your afraid you might get sucked into doing a Vlogemotion post. That made me laugh, and motivated me to immediatley come and check you out.
You have a great blog here, and Im glad I found you. Please dont miss out on this wonderful experience. Its a VERY innovative carnival that gives us a chance to get to know our bloggy friends on a more personal level. Please stop by and if anything just view the vloggers who participate. You will truly enjoy it just as you have Beths.
I hope you will take me up on my offer. No pressure or anything, just a friendly invite. Like I said, you dont have to do it to really enjoy the ones who do. However I cant promise that you wont be motivated to join in the fun once you see some! :)
Love and Prayers to You,
Tim
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