A couple of days ago I read a post by a fellow divorced-single mom-walking with God through the pain, Linda…
“Mostly, it feels pretty whole. But, there are days and moments when it feels like it's been smashed into a million pieces. I trust that God knows where each of the fragments belong, and that His hands won't get all tied up in super glue. I wonder, if He, too, puts the big pieces together first, and then comes back for the detail work.”
I was moved to tears by her words, because I get it. I feel that way sometimes too. In fact I was feeling that way then.
Not only that, I also feel like I am this stubborn, rebellious, angry, impatient child… and as He puts the fragmented pieces of my life back together, sometimes I just look at Him with frustration, grab all my pieces in haste, look at Him with this nasty expression… you know the one…
And I want to scream!!!!! YOU ARE TOO SLOW!!! I DON’T THINK YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!! THAT HURTS, DO YOU KNOW THAT!!!!!! I DON’T LIKE THIS!!! IT’S TAKING TOO LONG!!! AHHHHHH!!!!! I want to kick. Scream. Hit. Make it all about me.
Maybe that is why I have the children I do.
I have so much to learn.
So as He holds on to me, while I kick, scream, flail, and would fall out of the grocery cart if not for His hands gently holding on to me. All the while thinking that what I am so upset about is so huge, He sees the bigger picture. He had control all the time. All I could see is that I wanted to be out of the grocery cart, or maybe that was Kiahna at Wal-Mart last week, I am so confused now.
“ for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.”--Psalm 103:14
Pam
12 comments:
Peace. It is hard, isn't it? Hang in there.
Oh wow, I hear you.
I don't know when I will get it through my thick skull that He know best. HIS timing is perfect. When going through it, it can be frustrating. But after He unfolds it, it's like 'Oh. Uh, You did know best.' Why do I make it so difficult?
Great post, Pam. Great job on hanging in there!
We are all here while you kick and flail and scream it away. Sometimes we just can't wait patiently just like sometimes Kiahna and Jadon can't either.
I don't know your struggle but I found power in your words. There is an amazing power in recognizing that God is in control.
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I've felt this time after time. I know these "scenes" with my children are but a reflection of the kind of child of God I am. Indeed, he knows I am but dust.
Hi there, I am a new reader and have experienced the pain of divorce after 15 years of marriage. Its been 5 years now and my life has truly turned completely around for the better. One thing that truly "saved" me was the daily devotionals I received from DivorceCare dot com. So many times I would read the devotional and it would be amazing how it was so appropriate to what I was experiencing at that time. Maybe you are already familiar with the Christian-based DivorceCare but if not...I hope you will find it as valuable as I did.
May your faith in Christ help bring you peace.
I know that I feel broken at times & at those times I have to remember that He is the potter and I am just the clay. I need to be moldable (is that a word) in order for Him to finish the work He has started...because i know that He is faithful to complete it, if I don't get in the way.
Hugs!
Mimi
EXACTLY!!
I'm not divorced (although I have been in the past, but with no kids), but I "get" it, too. We can be broken in so many ways, by so MANY things, and it DOES hurt. Even though I know that God uses broken pitchers, and that oftentimes the light that shines through the cracks is exactly what's needed to help someone ELSE see.. still, it hurts. I'm a wimp, and I don't like it. But there's something that I just realized, Pam. God doesn't promise that we'll be comfortABLE in this world (nor does He want us to be, really), but He DOES promise that we'll be comfortED if we stay with Him. I can't think of anywhere better to be than safe in His arms... even if He DOES have to sweep me up and put me in a dishpan first! Praying that you'll feel His comfort right now..
No matter how much you flail, kick, scream, question etc., you are still LOVED beyond words by the ONE whom is in control.
My problems are different than yours, and I kick and scream, too. So thankful for HIS grace and mercy that carries me through.
Hang in there, Friend.
Great visual about God putting the fragments of our lives and hearts back together and coming back to tenderly care for the details. It can be hard but we must never forget the depth of His love, His understanding, His wisdom, His view.
Thanks for this nugget and new view of reflection of what He might be doing...fragments first, then small details.
Wow! What a raw, honest, beautiful post. I just stumbled across your blog and am glad I did. Thank you for your testimony, it's given me a lot to ponder.
Know that you will be in my prayers today.
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