This morning my friend mommaof4wife2r @ A Thorn Among Roses, Twittered about this post... I needed to hear this song this morning too…
This morning in my journal, I wrote that I hate admitting that I am still in this much pain over my divorce. I hate admitting that I need more healing. I hate admitting that this may be just as much about me getting to where God wants me as it is HSSH getting to where God wants him.
I’ve been meeting with a counselor once a week again. I think in a way that frustrates me. I want to be healed. I don’t want to be here anymore.
… and this song just makes me cry… that’s where I am… and I know with all my heart… He is with me…
Pam
9 comments:
wow, that's a great song!
My prayers are with you today, Pam!
What an amazing song. What an amazing God. But still, the hurt is there, and sometimes, it isn't something that can just "heal". I've loaned out my copy of Beth Moore's "Praying God's Word", but it has some amazing words (some of them Beth's, most of them God's) in it. In the chapter on forgiveness, she talks about the need to pray ABOUT the person before you can ever pray FOR the person. Just as you would want for your kids to pour their hearts and their hurts out to you before you ever tried to help them walk through forgiving someone who hurt them, God is there to listen to your pain. Once I get my copy back, I'll be glad to send it to you, if you don't already have it. There are a number of chapters (each one is a spiritual stronghold, through which Satan can keep you from God and steal your joy) that have been SO helpful to me.
I wish you were close by; I'd love to be able to give you a big hug, make a cup of tea or coffee, and just sit and listen for a while. And then to pray WITH you; it just always seems to work better for me than praying for someone. But for now, time and distance only allow the latter. And that much I can and will do ... praying that you can empty out the pain so that God can fill you back up again with HIS love, which is ALWAYS faithful.
love you, my sister in Him...
if it makes u feel any better (which it probably wont) i have been having a really bad time lately too.. i feel like i lost myself.. the kids are overwhelming me, the house is always trashed, me and the hubs hardly talk and hes unemployed and home with me 24/7.. and we still dont talk.. just so distant.. and i just read profoundly seths blog and El is feeling blah too.. so at the very least, know that you are not alone. it will get better. Your young ones will grow up and be more independant and you will have free time (eventually) and it WILL get better.. with or without HSSH.. sometimes life just comes crashing down like a ton of bricks! feel better..
What a great song. I hear your heart cry, I also am at a place where I want this whole adpotion situation to just be over... or what do I really want. Thanks for sharing.
Love ya much,
Holly
Beautiful song Pam...praying for ya.
I love that song, thanks for sharing. I think healing takes time, and I think you are doing everything in your power to get there.
My heart breaks for and with you, Pam. I know what you mean. Even after 22 months (half of your time), I still don't think I will EVER be fully healed. The only way I can see that is when restoration happens or if I'm so off mark and God provides another love in place of the broken heart from beloved. I don't even like to consider that is an option. I don't like to put me or God in a box either saying I can only find healing with love (either beloved or another). I should find healing with God alone. Yet, I feel like some pains never go away. I don't think my gramma has ever fully healed from my grampa dying 27 years ago. Does that make sense? Can we ever find 100% healing? Maybe. Maybe I'm so wrong and so off the mark. I just don't know. My mind and heart can't see how it's possible right now without certain things happening. I hope I'm wrong.
Miss ya,
Paula
praying for you Pam
Wow,beautiful and much needed. thank you!
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