Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. I Corintinians 9:24,25
Yesterday, I was listening to a CD by Graham Cooke. In it he told about when Mike Tyson used to fight, he would say that he could look into the eyes of his opponent and know what round that he could take him out in.
I really want to finish this fight. I really want to run the race to get the prize. I really want to get that crown that will last forever.
This past week has felt like a fight. The past 3 years have felt like a fight. I wonder, when my enemy looks in my eyes, does he think he has me about defeated.
Honestly, sometimes I fear he does.
And all I know to do in response to that is give God even more praise. Give God even more glory. Give God even more of myself.
That is the only way I have found to win the round.
That is when the enemy’s plan to destroy me backfire.
God is so good. God is so good. God is so good. God is so good.
Not because I have any answers to the questions why and how. Because, He just is.
*********************************************
When we went to our counseling session on Wednesday afternoon, Kiahna went first. You have to know that this is prayer counseling and it is at a wonderful place of healing called House Of Hope. If you are local, getting involved with his ministry is highly encouraged. In fact, I was involved in the prayer going into the ministry, without a thought that my family might actually be a client.
At each session there is the counselor and then a moderator. The moderators can vary from time to time. Sometimes they are involved in the session, sometimes they just sit quietly praying for the client.
We’d had the moderator that we had Wednesday night before. It had been awhile though. And I knew her, but not real well.
So, I go in there with my pile of paperwork, notes, thoughts, and my daughter.
I begin expressing my concern that Kiahna is showing signs of a condition called Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD). I wonder about Autism. I wonder about many things.
To properly evaluate her you need to put in to play the unknown genetic past, the circumstance of adoption, the circumstance of divorce, the circumstance of how things are with her brother, Jadon, her birth order, and the opportunities she has had to interact with other children her age (outside of Jadon).
The moderator looked at me and said. “I am an OT*. This is what I work with all the time.” (in her day job) *Occupational Therapist
I was stunned. Stunned at God’s provision and care for Kiahna and our family.
Her opinion in that hour of time was that an OT would help Kiahna (and Jadon) but it may not be severe enough to get a diagnosis.
While she cannot work with us on a professional level. She hopes to continue to work with us at HOH, and she will surely continue to pray.
Then on Thursday morning, I tramp off to the pediatrician's office. She looks at all the papers I bring. Listens to all the elements I throw into the pot about Kiahna. (she’s been her doctor since birth). And she agrees with me and the moderator from HOH.
She could benefit, will she qualify?
To get county help, they would have to evaluate her. At this point in the school year, she doubts they will accept her into their program. And she also doubts that Kiahna’s symptoms are severe enough to get her in the program.
She gave me a referral to an OT. There is a waiting list. Then our insurance will have to approve her after the OT makes a recommendation. A long road, that all we can do is get started on.
She gave me one of her books to read.
Yesterday, Kiahna had a great day. Of course she didn’t go to preschool. We were home most of the day. Things that normally help her have a great day. She gets over-stimulated by going so much and then the temper tantrums occur.
She did say something to me yesterday, that made my heart soar! I know it is a direct answer to the prayers. She told me “Mom, I just love you so much.” As we pray for her to be free of rejection and for her to accept our love… what a blessing to hear her say that.
So, at this point where are we? I don’t know for sure. Waiting on lots of things. Hoping that the preschool she is in now will learn with me on how to help her and she can stay there. Hoping that she begins to heal and adjust, learn and grow. Hoping for wisdom and answers in helping her.
This is her in her beautiful dress for my sister’s wedding.
*******************************************
Processing Kiahna’s life kind of fell to the wayside. as Jadon (and I) experienced one of the worst days he has had. I told you last week that the pediatrician thinks I will have to put him back on medication again eventually.
To go back with Jadon. Last February we tried medication for ADHD. He didn’t do well on it. The preschool NEVER recommended it in the first place. They didn’t like him on it at all. Typical ADHD kids have the school wanting them medicated. And the kids do better in school, not worse, when they are medicated.
Jadon was zombie like, no appetite, not sleeping well… we tried different doses and different meds. It wasn’t working.
So, have been trying to keep artificial dyes and sugar out of his diet. Along with some natural supplements. Along with counseling.
Things have been better.
Until recently.
But, he continues to thrive in school. Do very well in public. And save all his anger, attitude, and temper tantrums for me.
If you haven’t already figured this out… this means I have one who does well in public and one who does well at home. One who is highly in need of much stimulation… and one who is highly in need of low stimulation… and at last count… I was still a single parent… with 4 other kids to consider.
Jadon responds immediately to his counselor (a man) and to my dad. He is completely sorry and stops his behaviors in their presence.
We did a good behavior chart last week. It not only helped him feel like he was working hard at being good and earned him an ice cream from his counselor… but it helped me chart things too.
On the big picture, he has more good times than bad… (but I think yesterday he earned a frowny face for every time frame of the day, except preschool) In charting his behavior, I realize as I wear down over the course of the day, he tends to act up more.
He is very sensitive to my moods.
Yesterday, AFTER he took a nice nap, he woke up and went to turn on the TV. I told him that I wanted him to help me clean up the house. I asked him to put away his shoes, coat, and bag. He did. Then he went back to the TV. When I told him, no, and asked him to put away the silverware from the dishwasher, he went into a tantrum.
Screaming, slamming, throwing, tantrum.
I began by ignoring.
Moved on to restraining.
Proceeded to time out.
Ended up calling for reinforcements.
My dad showed up and Jadon was already calm. Had apologized for his behaviors. And was acting normal (still in time-out).
He told my dad that I was being mean to him. Dad asked him what I did that was mean. “She wouldn't let me watch TV.”
Uh-huh.
Dad promised Jadon that behavior like this would result in him coming to pick him up and taking him with him for some “real work” and “away from mommy time, since you don’t like her anyway”.
Telling me that he didn’t like me was what he has begun to use to try to hurt me when I don’t let him do what he wants.
We tend to think that it is “normal” for kids to say things like that. That is what I was told by the doctor. I say, NO. It is not okay for my child to talk to me in this way. It is not okay for him to display this kind of anger. Healthy, non-hurting children don't do this. (IMO)
My child is hurting for some reason. I want to help him heal. Not accept his behavior as “normal” and ignore it.
I did escape for a little walk after dinner.
Returned to finish the homework and get them to bed.
I really wanted to attend a prayer time with some friends. I wanted them in bed so I could go. That wasn’t working out so well.
Jadon decided to throw another fit. This time over the fact that I wasn't willing to play that “get-up-for-everything-I-can-think-up-to-get-up-for game”
I thought, you know, dad told him that if he did it again, and I needed to call him that he would come and take him. So, I called dad again.
He came. Took him.
It is a horrible feeling to not be able to handle your own child. Horrible.
I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.
James came home from football practice. I got his dinner warmed for him.
I still wanted to leave for the prayer meeting, but by now I was 45 minutes late.
I sat down.
I had a thought that if I didn’t go, the enemy would win this round with me today… and that is not okay with me.
So, I went. And guess what, they hadn’t even started yet, because they were running 45 minutes late too…
The peace of God was able come and comfort my weary soul. I was able to share my burden and receive prayer. God is so good.
I thank you for all your kind comments, e-mails, phone calls, and encouragements. Promises to pray. I believe that is where our answer lies.
The enemy looked in my eyes yesterday and thought he could defeat me… My God, the mighty WARRIOR, stood behind me and said otherwise.
Give HIM the PRAISE.
And dad just called, on his way to bring Jadon home…
Pam
