In a perfect world... every baby would be kept, nurtured, and cared for by the mommies that gave birth to them and love them unconditionally.
In a perfect world... daddies wouldn't walk out the door.
In a perfect world... In a perfect world... In a perfect world...
You fill in the blank.
In our fallen world... children are rejected.
In our fallen world... those that are supposed to care for us, don't.
In our fallen world... those that are supposed to be there aren't.
In our fallen world... those that are left behind have to fend for themselves. Learn to do things and be people they were never meant to be.
In our fallen world... not everyone understands what we are going through.
In our fallen world... things don't always work out like we wanted them to.
In the past couple days, I have still been dealing with the level of pain that comes when we have contact with HSSH, still fighting my flesh and my will to handle HSSH's birthday, and to teach my children how to honor.
Attending a counseling session... dealing with another layer in this onion of pain.
Being told I need rest. Being told I need to get away. Feeling so overwhelmed and knowing that I do need this... just being completely unsure how that will ever happen.
Another wave came crashing.
While Kiahna was a preschool on Wednesday, I got a call that I needed to pick her up. She was hitting, pinching, and scratching. They couldn't handle it.
It seems that my dad's being there hasn't helped like we thought it was. It seems that she isn't doing as well as we thought she was. She's had some good days, but she can't stay consistent.
I can't tell you how this all felt to me. Like the straw that broke the camels back. I deal with this 24/7/365. I need help. I need a break. I felt like the rug just got pulled out from under me. And I was falling.
I know the teachers didn't want to hurt me. I know that they tried to help. I don't blame them. There is some hurt between us all, and that will need to be dealt with at some level, because these are women that I will see regularly regardless of preschool. And I hope that if they would happen to read this post, it doesn't offend.
So, I'm back to the drawing board. I have a hurting daughter. I am hurt. I am tired. And I need help.
So where is the help for angry, rejected, stubborn 4 year olds... and their tired mommies?
Help us, Jesus!
Pam
9 comments:
I'm wondering where exactly you live in IN. Email me if you wish. I live in NW Ohio.
I know how it feels to be overwhelmed ....{{{{{big hugs}}}}}
LORI
And my heart breaks for you again. His grace is sufficient!
Love & Prayers,
Sarah
Pam,
My heart just breaks for you, because sadly but true I feel that way sometimes, and I only have 3 children and I have a husband to help. Life is just hard, and you are right...we don't live in a perfect world, but I am so glad that this is not my eternal dwelling, and the the Lord has something perfect for me in heaven. I pray you find rest as well as some relaxation and time for you.
I know sometimes it feels like we don't have the strength to just keep going on, but we do, because really? what choice do we have. Good luck. I'm so sorry for your pain. All of it. Know that God has given you people who care for you and are here to listen.
Thanks for the honesty. It was a very well written post, and I truly hope that no one would be offended. You need to be able to be open and honest and say, "I'm hurting right now."
Prayers and Blessings to you today.
Wish I lived close enough for hugs and playdates.
Laurel :)
I'm so sorry. And I'm still praying.
Good to get it out!
Good to cry for help!
Good to let your guard down!
Opening the door to prayers!
Opening the door to friend support!
Opening the door to help!
Closing the door on Satan!
Oh how I wished I lived closer. My heart really cries out to you.. All I can do is offer my prayer...
You handle this all with such Grace.
Pam, I hope you find the help you need. Keep reaching out, keep asking. Wish I could come over and give you a morning off! Hugs.
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