Time-warp Testimony Tuesday #2

A few other things before we get to the time-warp testimony stuff… it is Tuesday, and it looks like one of my new blog role members is doing something fun with Tuesday… I hesitated to click the link, but after I did I feel inspired to go for it!  Here is the link to Tackle it Tuesday from the blog 5 Minutes for Mom.  Now, which project will I tackle?

I’m headed to a sensitive subject with this testimony today.  It may have to be a two-parter, because what appeared to be the end of the beginning wasn’t.  I’ve never written about the end of this story for us and will not leave you hanging for too long.  Obviously, he isn’t with us anymore.

I wrote this back in 2005…

The adoption of Nathaniel

The level of noise around the big table in our kitchen increased a notch as a new family member joined the happy voices. This member’s voice is not so filled with joy, as he has not know the pleasure of having a mom and dad and many siblings all together at the same time and place. Is it overwhelming to him to have so much activity? Will the fears and the abandonment of the past affect the future of such a small, young soul? So many new things, so many confusing things. Gone are all the things that are familiar except for a few clothes and small toys.

What went through three and a half year old Nathaniel’s mind as he woke up on the morning of March 31, 2005 in a new, strange house? So many people talking to him at once. What happened, and how did he come to be here with these people?

On the morning of March 17, 2005, was when it all began. I had received a phone call from a caseworker at Gateway Woods asking me if I would be willing to talk to a lady who had just experienced her second disrupted adoption placement in a month. Of course, since we had experienced several disrupted placements, I was more than glad to share with someone who was going down that same rough road.

I called Brenda soon after that. Brenda and I talked as I have talked to few people in this world. One that knew the pain of trying to adopt domestically, with multiple placements not working out. Our conversation was close to two hours long. During this conversation Brenda told me of a three-year-old boy that they had been told about by our agency, and asked if they wanted to adopt. After praying about it overnight, Brenda and her husband had decided to turn down the match, but really felt a burden for him. Brenda told me that we should adopt him! I laughed nervously. I was already very curious about him and what the situation was, as those types of situations are not very common. Brenda really encouraged me to call and find out about this little guy.

I got off the phone a prayed. I heard a voice saying to me “BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD”. I called the agency and talked to the same caseworker I had worked with to adopt Jadon, about Nathaniel. At this point in time there was another couple considering adopting him. They were to give their decision by the next day. Marge told me all about him and was very encouraging in the idea of us adopting him. She told me to talk to HSSH about it and to call her the next day with our decision. Of course that was all depending on what the other couple decided to do.

When I told HSSH about Nathaniel the only issue either of us had on taking him was money. We had no extra to spend on another adoption. I did some research on grants that would be available to people like us and made some phone calls to family and friends to ask them to pray for this situation.

The next morning I called the Agency and told her that we would love to take Nathaniel. We had decided that if the Lord was making this happen that He would provide the money that was needed to do it. By the end of the day I had talked to a car sales friend about buying our van. He had agreed to buy it and we had the first half of the money that we needed to pay the agency for the adoption. The caseworker was very encouraging that we would be the right home for Nathaniel. The other family still hadn’t called with their decision, but she felt we would be the better placement. But, at the end of the day we heard that the other couple had decided to take him.

We were disappointed and relieved all at once. Everything had been happening so fast and I was hard to see clearly what was meant to be. We kept praying for Nathaniel, but knew at this time that he wouldn’t be here in our home. Our prayers were that God’s will would be done, and that he would be in the home that God intended. I still felt an attachment to Nathaniel, I had thought for a brief moment he was going to be ours.

About a half a week later, March 24, I talked to our caseworker at Gateway again about something else. She mentioned to me that she had talked to the agency trying to place Nathaniel and that the first couple had decided not to adopt himl. But, they had found another family to adopt him! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! How could they go around us and give him to someone else without even talking to us!! After a few moments, I calmed down and realized that God had intervened and answered our prayers, it just wasn’t meant to be. He had provided a different family for Nathaniel, probably the family that we had been praying for him to have! Even though it didn’t seem fair, that was okay. God knew what we could handle. We already had 6 children, obviously, He did not have this for us. But, we knew that He used our prayers to make changes in Nathaniel’s little life. We had peace and contentment.

On Monday, March 28, I got a phone call from the owner of the agency placing Nathaniel. He asked if we still were interested in adopting Nathaniel. HSSH and I had already talked about it and we knew that if it ever came back to us, it would be God and not us making this happen. If this is where God was opening the door we would trust HIM and go through. I told him that we were interested. He wondered how fast we could come down and pick him up. At this time Nathaniel was actually sitting in their office waiting for parents to come and pick him up. Could I come on Wednesday or Thursday and pick him up? I thought that I could. There were details to be worked out as far as our home study. That was taken care of by the end of Tuesday. Gateway Woods really supported us in this. Things were taking place really fast. By Tuesday I had plans to fly to Ft Lauderdale on Wednesday and pick Nathaniel up. We also had an anonymous donor give us the funds to pay for our plane tickets!

The trip to Florida was exhausting. It is hard to describe how it felt to see this child  walking down the hall in the airport coming toward you, and to grasp, this stranger is going to be my son. I had brought pictures of our family at home along and he spent some time looking at those. He really attached to Leah’s picture. He was quiet, and his speech was hard to understand. But, he seemed to like me.

After some flight changes and God working out the details, the time came to leave to go back to home. Leaving the caseworker was a little difficult for Nathaniel, it was well past naptime, and he was confused about where the plane was that he was going on. He cried and threw a temper tantrum. I had to pick him up and carry him through security. The alarm went off on the metal detector. Here was this kid screaming and crying and I had to put him down and be searched! I finally told the guards that he was scared and tired and that he has only known me for a few hours and had just left the social worker. They became much nicer to us and continued to search my bag and me. Finally, we got through that and went to wait for our plane. Nathaniel let me comfort him. He talked to me, I couldn’t always understand him, but he was very pleasant. On the first flight he slept the whole trip.

At our layover, we ate and talked and played with toys. He really soaked in my attention. He was awake and talking to me the whole trip to our final destination. He was very excited about the plane and going to my house. He called me “Mommy” on the plane. We were playing and I had called him “silly” and he called me “silly” and I said no, I’m not silly, I am “Mommy” and he said that I was “Mommy”. From then on he has called me Mommy or Mama.

He slept all the way from the airport to home.  The next morning he woke up in a new house with the only thing familiar being me, his new mommy. It was hard on him, he was grouchy and didn’t like all the attention of people talking to him. But, he really adjusted fast. Today, after being with us four weeks, he still doesn’t just open up to new people very quickly. He likes the things that are consistent. The way that he is adjusting is just miraculous! Only God can make this work out the way that it has!

The thought of the unknown past of this three-year-old boy brings some sadness to the joy. How was life really for him before coming here? Did his mama kiss him good night? Did she read him stories? Did she hug him when he had a boo-boo? What sort of circumstances was she in to have given this sweet, quiet boy away at this age? She must be grieving something that we cannot understand. There will be issues to deal with as we grow up together. But, we can rest assured in the fact that God has placed this small boy in our care for today and we will be given all that we need to care for him according to HIS will.

Today we still wait to see how God plans to finish this story. We have applied for two grants and have not heard whether we will receive either one yet. We are not going to worry about this, God has it all planned out. He didn’t bring us to this point for us to figure out how to provide for these children. We trust, and are learning to do so more each day! What a journey we are on, it is our hope that hearing this story will help someone trust God in their lives too!

We now have the information that we need to finish this story... Two days after finishing this writing, we received another phone call from our social worker at Gateway Woods.  Gateway Woods had received a call from a couple who felt led to help us financially with this adoption.  They are paying for the remaining costs of Nathaniel's adoption. It is so very humbling to receive a gift like this. To say you have the faith to believe that God will provide and then actually receive the miracle is overwhelming. We are thankful beyond words for those who have played a part in this adoption. Truly God has a plan and a purpose for the life of Nathaniel and each one of us.

Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matthew 25:

Pam

Last week of summer vacation…

This is the last week my kids will be home for this summer.  With two boys playing football this fall it doesn’t feel like we are really on vacation anymore anyway.

James started two-a-days last week already, and Zach will begin practicing with the 8th grade team on Wednesday.

This morning I was feeling like we needed to do something more yet this summer.  That somehow just being busy around the house with projects, laundry, and organizing was a waste of these last days.  It probably is, but it is also probably how we will end our summer vacation anyway.

Today is pretty much history.  Tomorrow we have counseling appointments in the late afternoon.  Wednesday and Thursday Zach will have practice at 3.  Maybe Friday, weather cooperating, we will get in one more swim day.  Friday evening James has a scrimmage game.  Saturday the football Mother’s Club is sponsoring a Chicken BBQ and I will work.  Sunday Lucas has a Sunday School party after church. 

Yeah, I think our carefree summer days are pretty much over.

Depending on whether James makes the varsity team or not, we may have 3 football games a week by September. 

See why I needed to start menu planning!  See why I desperately want to try to organize my whole house in the next week?

Sticking to FLY LADY ‘s motto of 15 minutes at a time though.  I have put in about 45 minutes in my backroom (which was not even walkable) this weekend and today.  And I threw out 2 trash bags of stuff, and have 2 trash bags to give away!  (yes, in only 45 minutes!)

One thing that I have really stuck to that I learned from FLY LADY, is a morning routine.  It gives me a place to start in a home that is most of the time overwhelmingly messy.  If I do my routine it really does make me feel like I have more control over everything. 

My morning routine is:

1.  Make my bed.

2.  Deal with dishes. (empty or run dishwasher)

3.  Swish and Swipe bathrooms.

4.  Start a load of laundry.

5.  Get dressed to the shoes (really that is #1 but I won’t go back and fix it!)

Swish and Swipe bathroom is the one that may have you questioning.  It has been such a blessing, especially in a home with 4 boys in it!  I buy those pre-soaked Clorox disinfecting wipes.  (totally awesome home essential with boys around)  I use one to wipe off the sink (toothpaste and grime) and then I use one to wipe off the toilet seat!  WA-LA CLEAN bathroom in 1 minute and NO sitting in pee!  (at least for 5 minutes! maybe)  At any rate it sure helps!

The other thing I really like about FLYLADY are the zones and KELLY's missions.  Spending one week working on one area of the house.  It really does keep things from becoming overwhelming if you can keep it up over time!  (which seems to be my problem)

When I cleaned out my hutch to paint it back in June, I found my Control Journal I had created and used before HSSH left.  Back when we used to Home School and life was SO much different than it is now!  It was of no use to me now that is for sure, nothing is the same as it was back then.

Finding balance in this new normal we live in.  I know we’ve been living in it for a long while now, but just starting to LIVE again.

A project I would really like to take on is organizing our entryway.  Laura from I'm and Organizing Junkie brought up the subject, and I am trying to come up with a solution to this dilemma in my house.  The dilemma is 6 bookbags.  6 coats.  12 shoes.  2 gym bags.  A multitude of papers.  And a partridge in a pear tree.

So, help me with this… here is what I have to work with.

This is a tiny coat closet that is right inside my front door.  This is choice #1 to put the “stuff”, but is always just seems to get “stuffed” in and there is no organization. 

Another option is the hall closet.  Around the corner from this one.  Still accessible to the family and much larger space to work with.  Not sure I want to give this up for the storage space though.

A third option is to use the space right outside of my garage door.  This would require keeping it much cleaner than it is right now, and is as a norm, and I am not sure that they would really use it.  It would take much retraining, and I am not sure I am up for that.

Okay, give me suggestions.  How do I keep my house from becoming insta-cluttered at 3:30 each day of this school year?  How do I utilize the space I have and the options I have the best?  I don’t know, maybe the garage idea would work.  New hooks, some cubbies, and some carpet? 

Headed to make dinner.  Not using my new menus this week yet, cleaning out some of the ready made things I had in the pantry instead.  Next week though, that is the goal! 

Happy Monday!

Pam

Fun things I found while blogging today…

As I was reading some blogs today, I found these interesting things.  This is an interview with my first blog writer, Dawn (The one who saved my children's lives via blog last year)

5 Minutes for Mom Interviews Dawn Meehan from Because I Said So from 5 Minutes for Mom on Vimeo.

I just found the sites called 5 Minutes for Mom and 5 Minutes for Parenting.  5 Minutes for Mom is the one that featured Dawn and did this interview.

I’ve added both of these blogs to my blog roll on the sidebar. 

The most exciting thing that I found today is that Beth Moore and her daughters have a blog!!!!!  I’ve added hers to my blog roll too!  I think I just found that IV of Beth I’ve been searching for!  LOL!!

Oh, and I just had to share this too.  When I was searching for that video clip from Finding Nemo and Dory (seems I have been spelling it wrong!)  Which do you prefer?  Dory or Dorie?  Dorie? 

This clip is another of the reasons we call each other Dorie.

Just keep swimming Dorie!  Love ya!  (I think I’m gonna keep it with the “ie” I like it better!)

How about this, if FLYLADY, doesn’t float your boat, it totally floats mine.  But, many people complain about too many e-mails.  Here’s a blog that may be a better option for some.  mom24 left this idea in my comment box today, I'm an organizing Junkie.  They even have links to people’s weekly menus that you can steal, borrow use!  Flylady has a simple plan for meals too.

By, the way.  I heart you commenters!!  Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement! 

Blessings,

Pam

Try Living.

Last weekend when we were watching Beth Moore, Live Via Simultcast from Louisville, her worship leader spoke at the beginning.  His name is Travis Cottrell.  I just found this on his blog!  You will hear Travis singing, and see pictures of the people who were at LIVE, Live in Louisville!

Living Proof Live Louisville KY Simulcast from Rich Kalonick on Vimeo.

As Travis spoke, he told us of a time he was leading worship, and someone was wearing a T-shirt in the audience that said “TRY LIVING”. He said that during the whole performance he was convicted about that statement.

I am sure we can all be convicted about that statement.  It’s what we do with our conviction that counts though isn’t it? 

As much as I’ve hated and not wanted to just barely function and live in survival mode over the past almost 3 years since HSSH left, there have been so many days that have been just that.  A friend will call and ask how I am, and my answer would be “I’m breathing”.  Living one moment at a time, not able to look beyond this moment without the overwhelm  setting in.

I would grow tired of living that way and resolve myself to functioning.  And I could do it for awhile.  Until some circumstance would hit and send me tumbling back into that oblivion that I’ll call the pit.

Recently, I’ve set that resolve again, but this time with the honesty that there is no human way I am capable of stopping these circumstances from coming and putting me into these barely functioning days.

I watched my friend, Dorie, return to her life after being here and get hit with depression and despair all over again.  We have fought this together for so long, and as I listen and try to encourage her along the way, a part of me is gripped in fear for knowing that at any moment I could be back right where she is.  It is a very familiar place. I’ve visited there often.  And the more you visit the easier it becomes to return.

I’ve fought these circumstances that I find myself in, divorced-single-mom, for so long.  Even typing them now, an anxiety builds.  That can’t be me!  How did this happen?  How do I live like this?  I want to be restored, but this isn’t what I want for my life.  So how do I live? 

I honestly don’t know how.  All I can say is that as I learn to be honest with God over these things and as I learn to surrender them to Him, somehow He seems to be doing it (gasp) without my efforts.  I have failed too many times to think that I could do this on my own will-power.  It’s taken 3 years of digging my muddy fingernails up out of pit of slim and despair repeatedly to finally understand that.

And even today, I type with hesitation, short term memory loss could set in at any time…

Last night I took a major step in the healing process!  PTL!  My sil, Judy, came over and I was telling her about a dilemma I have.  Cooking. 

I’ve never enjoyed cooking.  At least not nearly as much as I enjoy eating.  Ahem.  Anyway, I’ve learned some things about survival and cooking.  First of all, buying those frozen casseroles from Stouffer's is still cheaper than going to McDonalds with 6 kids.  Cardboard pizza and chicken nuggets, hot dogs and nachos.  They all get old and expensive and fattening over time.

This has been life in survival mode for me.  I used to cook.  I used to plan.  I used to have lists.  I used to have menus.  Now, I can’t seem to put the thoughts together to make a list ahead of time, so I muddle through Walmart with my children and end up buying only snacks, frozen meals (because in reality I know those are what I will end up making) and 1/2 the ingredients for a meal or two that I won’t end up making because I won’t have the right ingredients when I get home!

Quite honestly, part of me didn’t even really care.  Without a husband to cook for much of the pleasure was gone.  And I also found some pain there coming from another source.

It’s hard to describe.  There are parts of who I was before HSSH left that I really don’t like about myself.  I’ve had a hard time letting myself be anything like that person at all, because then I might become that person. 

And that person got left. 

As much as I know in my mind that none of this was my fault.  Who I was didn’t cause him to make the choices he made.  Who he was did.  My decisions didn’t cause him to lie.  My lifestyle didn’t force him to cheat. 

As much as I know these things, there is still pain.

As I pulled out the recipe books and recipe cards with Judy last night, there was an anxiety in me that was trying to choke and stop me.  We pushed through together, though and came up with enough practical ideas to fill 4 weeks of meals with 5 meals per week!

After she left, I was tempted to just shove it all back into the cupboard and deal with it later. 

That “later” would have turned into, never (or the next time someone “helped” me along).  And we would have started the busy school year and ball game schedule eating frozen meals and carry out, and the meat I’ve been given would have rotted away in the deep freezer.

I put the little ones to bed, and tackled those menus with grace and strength that were definitely not my own.  I now have 4 weeks of menus complete with grocery lists!  This is 3/4 of the battle for me!

I’d still like to type out the lists and save them so I can keep reusing them, but at least I can use these for now if I don’t get that done soon!

Healing can be much like peeling and onion I’ve heard.  I guess that is true.  Another layer was peeled off last night, and VICTORY was won!

TRY LIVING!  I really want to.  Help me Jesus!

Pam

Doubts

I know I posted late last night and that this is early Saturday morning, but I woke up and am a little nervous that there are no responses to my post about my children making that mess in the garage.

I hope that no one thinks that I neglect them!  I really thought they were riding their bikes, and the basement is right inside the garage door and I was right at the bottom of the stairs folding laundry.  I could hear happy sounds of playing children from where I was.

Last year we went through a time with Jadon that for a while I was so overwhelmed with behavior like this, and his impulsiveness, that we tried putting him on some ADHD meds.  After this event with the gas, I began taking pictures and making an album of things that happened around here.  It was one way that I found to cope with it all.  (see, I wasn't blogging yet)

He was so full of anger.  He is a very intelligent child.  He is a very creative child.  He gets bored quickly, and most days Kiahna and I are not near the entertainment that he is craving.  So it became, create your own disaster…

He’s the orange shirt, the mattress is off the bed and he’s laying on the bottom…

]

I found this pretzel stuck in the wax of this candle last Christmas.  Scary.

Most people say that 4 is too young to diagnose ADHD, and in our case I think that it is too.  His behavior got much better with the meds for me at home, but at school they were reporting a zombie behavior.  In public he was not the friendly Jadon, he was zombie like.  (worked from my point of view, no more losing him in Walmart, trying to keep him in a chair at a restaurant, having him run off at ball games)

The last few weeks of preschool I waited until after he got home to give him the pills, because, while they could handle his behavior at school, I wasn’t able to handle it at home.

It was in this process that we began searching for counseling too.  After visiting 3 we finally found one that fit. 

In the midst of this the older children were beginning to deal with some of the things that their dad had done, and they were in need of counsel too.  So all of us have been going to the House of Hope for counseling since February.

I took Jadon off his meds and began trying diet and supplements.  Something that I didn’t think I was capable of doing with our busy schedule.  It has worked out this summer for us. 

He’ll start preschool again soon and I think it will go good for him.  These behaviors have improved dramatically.  The counseling he had received at House of Hope has brought him much healing and tools that he and I both can use to fight.

We’ve learned to pray that God would come and heal all the broken places in Jadon, (and all the kids).

The process of going through counseling with my kids has been extremely difficult for me.  Part of me wanted to believe that their dad’s choices had only hurt me, and they were all unaffected. 

Realizing that I can’t “fix” this for my kids.  I can’t change their dad’s choices.  I can’t take away the hurt he inflicts with each passing day he is not choosing to be a part of their lives.  That has been hard for me to accept.

I have no idea what that pain must be like as a child. 

This wasn’t the life I dreamed of when we adopted Jadon and Kiahna.  I wasn’t supposed to raise them alone.  We weren’t supposed to be a family where they would be brought more hurt and rejection.  This was supposed to be their safe place.

I’m doing the best I can.  Some days it doesn’t feel like it even matters.  I have so much help from my parents, which I am so grateful for.  I am having to rely on God’s power of healing and restoration in my children's lives just like I have in my own.  It's hard, I just want to "fix" it for them so they don't have to go through these things.

A prayer that has stuck with me through these past years, is that God would use all of these things to make them strong.  I know that the enemy wants to use them to destroy.  But, God will use them to bring full life to us all.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  --John 10:10

Pam

Flashback Friday 8.8.08

So here I sit nervously, wondering if I really want you all to know how crazy things have been around here... biting my nails, wondering what reactions this story will get. Then I read of another mom spilling her guts and even running a contest on the craziest thing that you ever said or never thought you would say as a mom. I am about to enter "you don't play in the gasoline, oil, and washer fluid!" to the mix. Maybe I will win... read on and find out about the horor.... Oh and check out that contest here... Top 10 things moms never thought

This is an e-mail I sent to my friends last September. Before I was blogging I was always e-mailing. I had just been introduced to my first mommy blog, BECAUSE I SAID SO, by now famous author/blogger Dawn Meehan.

*****************

9.11.2007 (something about that date)

Subject: Oil, Gas, Car Wash Soap... Don't mix.

Subject: Children's lives spared by Grandpa...or not??

Subject: Just when I thought I had things all under control.

Subject: Women's Blog Spares children's lives.

Subject: IS THIS THE ABUNDANT LIFE LORD???

Subject: When all else fails... LAUGH...

Curious yet???

So, there I was. Praising God for all His amazing Blessings in my life. Folding the laundry down in the basement. So proud of my accomplishments in the midst of a busy week. So glad that God has given me the grace to survive... "THUS FAR!"... The laundry is all caught up, I have even ran the vacuum today!! The little ones are playing out side in the beautiful weather... The humidity has lifted... Life is good.

Do I smell gasoline??

Yes, I am in the basement and the little ones are outside...

I go to the garage. I did think, "I should take a picture" , but then they might think they did something good.

NOT GOOD!!

There is 1/2 of a 5 gallon container of gas emptied, 4 quarts of motor oil emptied, and a I don't know how full it was to begin with, bottle of car wash fluid emptied. Can I go to jail for admitting my children did this?

There stands Jadon in the center. And Kiahna is running around the outside laughing. She continues to slip and slide and giggle profusely throughout the whole ordeal. He, on the other hand, took one look at my face and knew...

Oh, yeah... Funny.

Their immediate lives are spared when I think about this mom's blog I have been reading written by a mom of 6 kids....BECAUSE I SAID SO Today's blog was titled... Don't put chocolate milk in your pants 20 things I never dreamt would escape my lips (until I had children). From Dawn's blog I have learned to laugh at myself and my kids more, and that maybe I don't have the only kids in the world to do these types of things!!! Thus sparing my children's lives today!

I take hold of both of their arms, unsure of what to do with them! And behold here comes Grandpa pulling in the driveway. I ask, as he views the incredible sight... I ask if he has come to spare their lives or help with the hanging!?!?!

I took the kids in to the tub, after stripping them down in the yard. Scrubbed them down with Borax powder hand soap. (Hee, hee) Tried to display the seriousness to my two 3 year-olds, (while they kept giggling, maybe they were high on fumes?) and put them to bed.

Dad called mom, and we cleaned up the garage.

Meanwhile, the phone rang.

It was my lawyer. More divorce stress and issues to deal with.

Soooo... That all said. I have a sink of smelly, greasy, gassy, clothes. I have a clean garage. I smell gas in my house, I need another shower. And I have to pick up Leah and Lucas at school to go to the dentist, soon.

STILL PRAISING YOU LORD... Dad said he was talking to a man this morning that was telling him about a book he was reading that was talking about a missionary that had all these bad things happen to him, and he asked God if this was the abundant life that he signed up for. God assured him that it was.

Maybe the fumes have gotten to me too.

Pam

Faith...

Sees the Invisible.

Believes the Incredible.

Receives the Impossible.

City Museum, St. Louis

Make a Smilebox slideshow

When Dorie told me that they were stopping at the City Museum in St.. Louis on their way home, I couldn't resist following along!

http://www.citymuseum.org/home.asp

Yes, this museum is worth the drive! It is amazing!!

Pam

Much better…

Oh, my… my camera is uploading pictures as I type… sigh… life is good!

Monday morning the 10 of us piled into the vans and headed to St. Louis!

Sunday night we checked the forecast and realized that the temperature in St. Louis on Monday and Tuesday was going to be over 100 degrees. And Humid.

We had gotten a FABULOUS deal on a hotel room downtown St. Louis on HOTWIRE. So we HAD to go! $59 for a night at Hilton at the Ball Park!

Have you ever done this? You drive up to this 4 star hotel that you booked cheaper than the Super 8, your feeling all proud of yourself, until you start unloading your “luggage” which consists of things like blankies, stuffed animals, Wal-Mart sacks, coolers, and a duffle bag! “Hey Yalll, we just stayin’ da night!”

Yeah. Country Meet City.

All pride aside. And after you tramp in there with 8 children. No. Wouldn’t matter how nice your luggage was.

Needless to say, we loved the Hilton! And we tried to get a second night, but didn’t succeed. Instead we were in the Holiday Inn Express which cost $99 with no electricity and no breakfast. Yes, I’m still bitter, but I guess I am supposed to let it go, because I have ransacked my purse today TWICE and I cannot find my bill! I don’t even remember what town we were in!

Sigh.

The pictures are finally done, so I’ll stop rambling....

The view from our window!

Leah Quickly Spotted the TGI Friday's across the way...

So it was about 100 degrees outside when we arrived at this restaurant for dinner that night. All 10 of us. Yes, 2 adults and 8 children. They seated us in a huge booth by the door. The air conditioning could not keep up and it had to have been around 90 inside. Unfortunately the service was slow and inattentive. And after she informed us of the 18% added to our bill for being a party over 6, it was not hard to figure out why she had been so inattentive to us. We did get that tip removed, and probably weren't as patient as we would have been had we not just spent the last hour corralling 8 children in a hot booth!

We did get coupons for free appetizers or desserts for NEXT time we go to TGI Fridays. Thanks.

Anyway, our room was beautiful, the view was beautiful... see Zach checking out the TV...

The beds were heavenly. Heavenly. A soft, fluffy down comforter with a duvet cover. Click here for an idea of what they looked like. It was SO soft and Wonderful! I told Leah that I really liked this hotel until I got in the bed, now I LOVE this hotel!

We were thrilled that the new Holiday Inn Express also had a down comforter with a duvet, but it was not as soft or as fluffy, and then there is the matter of the electricity thing, but I'm over that. Really. No, Really.

From the pool (second story, inside) we had a view of the Cardinal's Stadium on the other side of the hotel.

Pool. Thankful not to be sitting outside in the 100 degree heat.

Jadon Jumps...

Kiahna Kool...

Leah... um... Leah... sorry... nothing starts with "L" except maybe lemon or laugh... Leah Lemon... Lame.

Lucas Licks. (good one)

I don't know where Zach was by now, back at the room checking out that TV again I believe.

We visited the arch after our TGI Friday's experience. Hoping for more tolerating heat. It didn't get much better. We weren't planning to go up in the Arch this time. We had done that just last year, but I caved and took them back the next day. Jadon loves the arch and begged and cried to go up. I think that may have been his only temper tantrum of the trip.

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Pam

Would you please just END!!

The day that just needs to end.

When you wake up in a dark hotel room to the sound of breathing, and that’s it, only breathing.  It is not a good sign.  It was almost 9 am Indiana time when we woke up this morning in a dark hotel in Illinois.  Storms had taken out the power while we slept, and the eagerly awaited shower, and breakfast would have to be forsaken for throwing together everything in the light of the cloudy sun coming in the windows.  No refund was offered, and when I asked for one, I was told the story of the damage all over and how no one would be reimbursing them. (I have yet to call Holiday Inn, but it is coming)

So free breakfast turned in to $25 breakfast at McDonalds.  Yummy.  I never would have paid to stay at the Holiday Inn Express (which was very nice and new) if I couldn’t justify feeding 5 kids and myself on their deluxe sounding breakfast.

That was the first of 3 meals paid out today.  That wasn’t all it was cracked up to be!  Feeling fat and greasy about now.

Drove 5 hours home, split up by school shopping in Indy.  Ending when 3 year old (who will be 4 this month and SHOULD be ending these awful temper-tantrum any day now!) decided she was done.  After drawing the stares of everyone in Target we left the store for home.

Only to end up in traffic because it was 5 pm in Indy.

Only to go through a drive through and have them forget my fries, and give me a Chocolate shake when I ordered Jamoica!  I muttered something about this being the last person today to rip me off and stopped in where the very nice lady at Arby’s gave me fries and a shake.

I continued to endure, tolerate, enjoy the rest of the drive home.

Only to get home and recall the DISASTEROUS state that we had left it in!! 

I can’t upload my pictures because one of my 2 usb ports is not working all of the sudden.  So when I have the camera plugged in I can’t do the mouse, and then I can’t do the… you know what I mean.

So, I’d love to show you the pictures of our trip to St. Louis.  The City Museum, the Gateway Arch, the BEAUTIFUL HILTON Hotel with a view of the Arch and all the FUN we had!  But, I can’t.

Maybe tomorrow?  I’ll try to sneak that in between hair cuts, summer school, grocery shopping, and school registration.  Oh and there is this house!  I should ground myself from the computer for a month!  But, I want to catch up on all the blogs I missed first!

Tomorrow WILL be better, and HIS mercy will be new!!

Pam

The week rolls to an end…

Hello!  Our house is still teeming with activity and children!  Yes, more than the normal!  Today is the last day that Dorie and her 3 children will be spending here with us.  It has been so much fun for all of us.  A little hard at times with so many children around the same age.  Mostly, it was us two with our 3,3,4,5,10,10,11 year olds.  See.  Fun. 

Arguing.  But, many sweet times.

The wonder of toads……………………............the dismay of "time-out"

Dorie's son, Josh, who is 3, had never seen a toad.  We found one at the neighbor's pond.  It became his new best friend!  So cute!  He took it in the van with us, and we were loading things up.  All the sudden everything fell out of the back of the van and out popped his little head, yelling, "it's okay!  I lost my toad, but I know where it is!"  We did find the toad, eventually, and all was well.

A week just full of precious moments like that.  Seeing the wonder of the country in the eyes of good friends.  New appreciation for things you take for granted is always a blessing.

We've been enjoying good food along the way too!  YES, WE cooked!!  Which is an accomplishment for both of us and we are very proud of ourselves!  Of course we had fresh meat from my friends who dropped off their extras!  We enjoyed a steak dinner last night, with grilled steak, zucchini, tomatoes, sweet corn, and mushrooms and onions on the side!  And for dessert coffee and banana split pie!

Another night I made key lime pie!  The 5 minute kind that you find on the back of the light graham cracker crust package.  May I suggest that you buy more than just 2 yogurts, just in case someone eats one or two before you get to the pie making business!?! 

My little pie (yogurt) lover, displaying her delight...

No one seemed to have any problems finishing this off... and it is also solid enough that if it slides off the plate onto the floor you can pick it right up and no one is the wiser!  Of course you had to have just swept the floor so there is no dirt, and always obey the 10 second rule!  LOL!  Mom's need to know these things!! 

We do own a whole drawer full of silverware.  I promise!

We were so blessed to be able to get away to hear Beth Moore, live-via-simulcast, Friday night and Saturday.  We were both very ready for a break from our kids.  Not to mention that they were very ready for a break from us!  They had a blast with three babysitters who came over and played with them!  What a blessing it all was.

If you read my posts often, you know how much I adore Beth Moore.  If you've known me over the past 3 years, you may be concerned that I have a Beth Moore addiction!  I am sure that I do!  I absolutely love hearing her speak.  I have said on many occasions that I need an IV of her!  If she could just follow me around in my daily life speaking all that life and truth AND ENERGY into me!  I am just sure life would be better!

Of course, I was not disappointed this time either.  Beth spoke on the parable of the sower.  The theme verse was Luke 8:8

"Still other seed fell on good soil.  It came up and yielded a crop a hundred times more than was sown."

She spoke of receiving our 100 fold blessing.  The average yield in Palestine was 7-15 times.  She spoke of treasuring the wonder, not allowing satan to come and steal away your seed, by protecting our hearts.  Of expecting the tests.  Digging roots.  Stopping the choke.  Retaining the Word.  Pressing forth to your 100-fold.

Each point hit me in a different way.  I could see how I have been victim of each one.  How many times God has spoken to me and the enemy has come and stolen away the Word.  The circumstances have made me believe that what God had said couldn't possibly ever be true for me.  And the Word, and the Hope, was stolen yet again.

In testing, Beth said, "Here is where we find the break down in our Christian system.  Believe until life gets hard"  It is so hard, life that is.  And it is also hard to believe that God is going to bring good, joy, peace, love, back into your life, EVER, when you are in those hard, testing spots.

From my notes on that... "God had given Joseph a vision.  We are tried until it was proven true in us.  The Word is used for refining and purging us.  To give us the integrity and character we are going to need.  To prove us genuine.  It's showing that you really were the right choice.  Burns out the fake in us."

When the third session had begun, Beth was praying.  One thing that she said struck me and I rushed to write it down (before it was stolen from my heart) as soon as she finished.  She said in the prayer, "We need to know if we should still Hope for something Lord, or if there is something we should set aside."

That has been the cry of my heart for so long.  Am I hoping for something that will never be?  Am I making up the things that I think You have said to me?  Am I crazy?

My hope still lies in seeing HSSH's life restored to fullness.  I don't really know what that means.  I know what I would like that to mean, and I have to work on letting go of that. 

Is it time to let go of that hope and move on?  Is that what you are saying to me God?  Is that what You want me to do?  Because the circumstances sure back up that idea. 

As Beth finished up she talked about "Pressing towards that 100-fold".  How things take longer than we think they should.  She said "Anytime God has called us to do something, we get in the middle of it and wish He could start something else!  We think, I wish I'd never started this thing! You've got to finish.  Persevere for it.  Harvest doesn't come quickly.  It will take time.  It will demand perseverance out of you."

I don't claim to understand.  I don't claim to know what the finish looks like for us.  I do know that this isn't finished yet.  I don't know why it isn't.  It sure looks finished.

I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL FATHER.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.  BUT I DO KNOW THAT I WANT TO FINISH THIS THING.  I WANT YOUR PLANS TO PLAY OUT.  I WANT YOUR WILL FOR MY LIFE TO BE ACCOMPLISHED.  I WANT MY CHILDREN TO RECIEVE THE BLESSING OF HAVING A MOTHER WHO WAS GENUINE AND REAL.  WHO LOVED HER GOD AND EVEN IF SHE HAD IT ALL WRONG, THOUGHT SHE WAS DOING WHAT HE SAID.  HELP ME DEAR FATHER.  I CANNOT TAKE ONE STEP ON THIS ROAD WITHOUT YOU.  IN JESUS NAME.

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In the morning, Dorie and I will be headed out for a couple days on a little road trip!  Then she will go her way and us ours.  Meet you back here on Wednesday.

Pam