Still Looking for Adoption Support

“I may have to “start my own group”

“Our group isn’t active”

“Our group is for international adoption”

“I’ll make some calls and try to find the support you need”

“I understand”

“I’ll pray”

I feel like the bleeding person in need of a surgeon who must start the hospital to received the support that is needed.

I love my online support, you guys are such a blessing to me, I can’t imagine not having you!  I wish, I wish, I wish, we all could meet in person and talk. 

The comments were good on my post yesterday.  Thank you if you commented! 

To answer some of the questions from the comments…

**My children were both adopted at birth from the US. 

**I did not set out to adopt children with “special needs”. 

**My husband left us when J & K were one and almost two years old.

** I don’t think this is a race issue.  I do think this is a behavior issue.

**Abandonment is an issue with adoption & divorce.  My children have endured them both.

**I have been making phone calls and checked out the links given.  So far nothing.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers on this.

Tomorrow I take Kiahna in to the pediatrician for her evaluation.  We have lots of forms filled out, and I am guessing we will be starting some medications tomorrow.

I have peace with that.

I purchased more herbs for Jadon.  I had been using them and ran out, and you know how that goes.  I am starting those up again with both of them.  I am hoping that if Kiahna is calmer Jadon will then be calmer too.  They really seem to feed off of each other.

Jadon also feeds off of people at school who  have behavior things going on. 

We tried medication 2 years ago with Jadon, and it wasn’t a real good experience.  We may be trying it again.  One step at a time.

Both of my children seem to be very impulsive.  They both know they did wrong after they did it.  They are great apologizers and prayers.  They do it often.  But, I am ready to see some better choices so that apologies are not necessary quite so often.

My expectations are high.  I am having to adjust them.  It’s a process that is taking time.

Many, many people who adopt, myself included, ignore the warnings given about this or that… after all… “that won’t happen to me”… and “I am adopting a healthy newborn”… and “my family is different & I have this or that support set up”.

Truth be told, NOTHING we do in life EVER ends up like we think it will… sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s worse. 

I admit this is harder than I ever imagined.  The things that I think should work, often don’t.   I feel like a bad parent often.  I feel like people look at me (even if they aren’t) as not doing things the “right way” and therefore the behavior of my children is as it is.  I feel humiliated in public when my children act like 2 year olds instead of 5 & 6 year olds.  I feel helpless and unable to make a difference.

I really love the comment from the woman who said her neighbor has a son who is 7 and adopted him from birth & he has “issues”.  I am so blessed that maybe my frustration has helped someone see that they can be a huge help to their neighbor!  My guess when I heard about “neighbor” is that they are feeling like I often feel, like failures.  Like they didn’t do something right. Like they didn’t “sign up for special needs”.   I so hope that, like my commenter, others who see people in these positions will try to be positive influences in the lives of hurting children (and their hurting parents, even if they aren’t willing to say they are hurting)  And that these parents seek and find the support system they need to be the parents they were called to be to their son. 

It’s hard. 

Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Don’t convince yourself it’s different.

Admitting it’s hard and too much for you to handle is the first step in the right direction though.

So, lets see if we can’t get some support going on for post adoption like we see in pre adoption and foster care.

It’s vital.

Pam