Adoption thoughts...

I have a cousin who is in China adopting their 2nd daughter.  Check out their blog, Journey to Lyra.  It is very exciting!

It is so exciting to adopt.  There is an adrenalin rush that comes from seeing your child for the first time.  From knowing that this child will be yours, finally.  Or that you will be the one that God uses to "save" a child from circumstances less than ideal.

There is a joy that comes from doing what you believe God's word expresses so clearly...

James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

There is peace in doing what you believe God has called you to do.  There is strength in following out HIS plans for your life.  There is incredible GRACE that comes from being in HIS will.

And there is pain...

Because after you bring this child home, the real calling begins.  And it is hard.  It must rank right up there with the hardest things I have ever done.

Bringing children into our home and loving them as my own has not been hard for me.  I love children.  I love my bio-children and my adopted children.  I wanted to love them the same.  It really isn't realistic to love anyone in our lives the same.  But, I have been given unconditional love for each of my children.  Of that I am amazed.

Before you adopt, as you adopt, so many things are unrealistic.  So many things are fantasy in our minds.  So many things don't work out the way that we thought they would.  Maybe your adoption story has.  Mine has not.

Yesterday, I was angry, disappointed, confused, and devastated by #1 my 3 and 4 year old's behavior in a preschool setting, and #2 the reaction of the caretakers of the group.  This is what brings me to writing today.  This is what causes me to be processing all these emotions, bear with me. 

There is a distinct "mama bear" that comes out in us parents when we see injustice done to our children.  (real or imagined, not really sure which this particular circumstance was yet).  I find that injustice towards my adopted children causes an even WORSE reaction in me. 

In my FANTASY world, I believed I was giving these children a life that they wouldn't have to have the pain and trials of their lives as they would have been otherwise.  I haven't been able to give my children that fantasy world.

I couldn't save them from the pain of this life here on earth.  I couldn't keep the man who had vowed to love me, them, and all of us, till death, and as his own, from walking out on each of us.  I haven't been able to keep him from hurting any of us.  I haven't been capable of giving these children the life I thought I was going to give them.

That hurts. 

It hurts when other people don't have the vision for children that you do.  It hurts to be judged by others.  It hurts to have injustice come upon you repeatedly.  It hurts to live in this world.

I wouldn't change making the decision to adopt for anything.  My two youngest children, challenging though they are, are my reason for getting out of bed and pressing forward each day.  (by choice or not)  When the pain of abandonment was crushing me like a sieve, they were there.  They needed me.  They loved me like I needed to be loved.

I am sad that not everyone in our lives sees them as the blessing that I do.  I am sad that their lives are so hard.  I am sad that things are not the way I thought that they would be.  I am sad that I can do nothing to change any of the circumstances we are living in.

As I try to process yesterday's in justice, let me say this.  I am thankful for so much.  I am thankful that this doesn't happen to us daily!  I am thankful that I have VERY supportive parents who go the extra mile and then some to help us.  I am thankful for friends who listen and let me cry without judging me.  I am thankful for God's peace, love, and forgiveness... not only that HE gives to me, but that HE gives me to give to others who just don't seem to get it.

I can give all of my children the chance to see God in the midst of horrible circumstances.  My reactions have not been very Godly all the time.  But, as I have worked through the pain of life, I pray that they have witnessed a woman who loves God regardless of what life throws and her.  And a GOD who loves HIS people regardless of what they do and how they react.

1,000 cliche's and Bible verses can come to mind about God's faithfulness in the midst of this world.  But, until you experience it, they are only words.  I guess I have more to be thankful for than I can even comprehend. 

I was sure by now, God you would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day, But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining...

As the thunder rolls, I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, “I’m with you”.  And as You mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm, and I will life my hands. For You are who You are No matter where I am.  Every tear I’ve cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side.  And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm...

***Praise You in this Storm, by Casting Crowns

Kiahna... US domestic adoption, 2004... 10 days old...

Jadon... domestic US adoption 2003... 1 day old...

Pray for all the adoptive families you know... praying for you Robin and Harry as you are in China... enjoy the excitement!