Severe Behavior

Things have been just a little, okay A LOT, stressful around home lately.

My youngest is not handling going to all day kindergarten all that well.

Understatement.

I am surprised I have any hair left on my head.

How to explain?

How to verbalize?

I read this recently…

“It’s the violence in my home I wasn’t prepared for.  We adopted a cute little 2 1/2 year old, with the most endearing little dimple that lights up his face when he smiles.  But when he gets angry, he goes into an uncontrollable rage.  It’s as if he is possessed.  He is violent beyond words.  he turns into a wild animal—biting, hitting, kicking, literally assaulting his family, especially me, his mother.  I’m so scared… what is going to happen when he gets older?  I’m terrified that he’s going to really hurt someone.  I never could have believed this kind of violence could be possible from such a small child.  It is so unnerving.”

-- Beyond Consequences, Logic & Control, by Heather Forbes & Bryan Post

Big Breath.

I totally “get” what this mother is saying.

I am there.

It’s really hard to admit that.

I was recently in a counseling session with my daughter.  My daughter was angry I had picked her up from school early to go to the session, and she proceeded to be angry and say angry things to me for 2 hours after picking her up.

2 hours.

So, the counselor observed the behavior.

Her advice.  Keep doing what you are doing, I would tell you to respond exactly the way you are.

Okay.

INSERT MY HEAD BANGING HERE!!

So what you, professional, are telling me is that you have nothing.

But, you see, me not getting angry back and my child is NOT making my child less angry.

So, I say to my daughter, hey you have eaten a lot of animal crackers today, lets put those away and get an apple or something healthy for you instead.

She goes into a violent fit of rage.

Violent.

Trying to hurt me.

Hurt others around our house.

Rip about what ever she can rip apart.

Over cookies?

Really?

I have been praying & praying for some answers.

Tools.

I need tools.

I need education.

I need to understand how to help my daughter process things so that she can become a productive member of society and not a inmate in the state pen!!!!!!!

She’s  6.

I won’t be strong enough to do this much longer.

It has gotten 100 times worse since school started.

Good news is that at this point she saves it all for me.  She is doing okay at school.  Not perfect.   But, okay.

Deep Breath.

I say something to someone about the temper tantrums at home… “well, just keep a thumb on her and it’ll get better”.

I didn’t slap her.

I wanted to.

I wanted to say, lady I have my whole body, soul and mind on her and it just keeps getting worse!!!!!!!!!!

INSERT SCREAM HERE.

Early last week there was a local radio station interviewing author and adoptive parent Heather Forbes.  Heather was scheduled to come to a town near me and speak last Saturday.

THREE people called me to tell me to turn on the radio and listen.

I went and heard her speak last Saturday.

This is what I have to say.

I have hope.

God has heard my prayers.

I am changing things in my life.

I am understanding better the brain of a child who has been through trauma.

I could just cry with relief that someone hears my pleas for help & comes along side.

I will share more as I learn & hopefully have results.

I would appreciate your prayers as I try to make these changes in my parenting & in their lives.

Pam