I am ready. I think.

So, I sit here on the night before I send my baby off to all day kindergarten & 5 days before I send my oldest off to live at college.

The week I’ve been dreading, anticipating, worrying, excited over, & thinking about for well over a year.

I think I am ready.

I know I am ready for the structure that school brings to our lives.

Ready for some time without children around.

It’s been a long summer.

It’s been 19 years since I was without kids all day every day. (Kiahna’s done preschool, but by the time you get home it’s time to go back and pick her up again, doesn’t really cut it)

Of course 19 years ago, when I wasn’t a parent, I had just graduated from high school. 

Bizarre.

I have high hopes of gaining some ground on my house.  I have high hopes of cleaning & organizing & sorting & throwing away & giving away. 

I wonder what it’s like to live in a house that is cleaned all the time & not in a constant state of disarray.

I’d love to know. 

But, for the most part the price has been too high to find out before now.  And even now I still don’t know if I want, need, or should make that my priority.

Maybe.

Will I volunteer at the school.  Not sure.  Not sure if it would help Kiahna or hurt to see me there.  Not sure I have it in me to give of my time this year. 

Feeling very burnt out and frazzled.

Frustrated with my children.  Lost phones.  Poor choices.  Miscommunications.  Disappointments.  Noise. Fighting.  Complaining.  Whining.  Laziness… life without structure is fun for awhile, but not for very long.

I am ready to send James to college.  I think.  I know it’s time.  I am tired of thinking about it.  Wondering about it.  Anticipating it.  Let’s just get this done already & move on to our next new normal.

We will be leaving early Saturday morning and spending the whole day on campus with him.  There is a family picnic at 5:00 and then they pretty much dismiss us and take the students off for 4 days of freshmen orientation.

It’s time.

Remind me of that next week okay.  I think I will be okay, but just in case. 

So, I am trying to pray for the teachers & the students, my mind keeps going 1000 mph in other directions… praying for peace.

Praying for God to show me how He wants me to spend these new free hours I now am going to have in my life starting tomorrow…

It’s hard to believe!

Pam