Project Create a Home… Look!!

Look who is featured today on Project {Create a Home}…

 

Thanks so much to my friend Danyele @ Thorn Among Roses… You are the best!!

*** Contest now closed!!  Sarah is the winner!!

**A set of note cards will be give away to the blog reader who is chosen from the comments on this post!  To win you must go over to Project {Create a Home} and check it out!  Leave a comment there saying which card you like best, then come back here at leave a comment here too!!  Winner must have left a comment both places!  And the cards you get will depend on where my inventory is after this contest ends!!

Pam

Snow Week

And we thought we were going to get away with not making up school days…

Yesterday was absolutely breath taking…**The highlight of the day**

Sunshine & Frost Covered EVERYTHING.

2 hour delay called late.

Kids glad, since they didn’t do their homework.

Mom mad, since they didn’t do their homework.

6 year old temper tantrum, late for school.

Plans upside down.

Massage **GUESS THERE WERE 2 HIGHLIGHTS**

Today:

School Canceled.

Not looking too good for tomorrow either.

Saturday’s snow…

Our Drive… (after James dug it out 2 times!

How many more inches will we get today?

How hard will the wind blow?

How many days will we miss of school?

How long will we go to school into June?

How long will we all be at home together in one house?

How will I choose to handle it all?

“May the Lord of Peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way.  The Lord be with you all”  --2 Thes 3:16

And a good set of ear plugs would help too, I bet.

pam

YOUR Gonna Miss This…Moment…68

Another week of finding moments to share… small moments… large moments… fleeting moments…

I have a list. 

On my list are things that need done before graduation in June.

Scan old pictures…

Nothing like some old pictures to bolt you to reality of how fast time goes…

Suddenly they are here…

Senior year has hit the 1/2 way mark and it going fast.

Pam

See more of James senior pictures here.

Link up YOUR MOMENT below…

Use the code in the sidebar to get this little box linking back to my blog.

Your Hands… thanks for sharing

My friend Jodi told me I’d like this song & I should search for it… she was right…

Oh, and by the way, I no longer have my music on the sidebar in auto mode.  You just have to hit play if you want to hear it.

Also, see James Senior Pictures (some of them) over on my photo blog… & this is my second post today so read on…

Light Bulb Moments…

A scattering of thoughts…

** Sometimes it hits me all over again where my life is, circumstance wise, and is so overwhelming I just crumble.  I find I need to allow myself the chance to cry again over what has happened, allow it to be okay that it has been over 4 years since it happened… and just grieve it again for awhile.

Then the sun comes up again.  And all the power of the Word of God & the faith that has been forming in my heart as I have learned through the trial to BELIEVE. WAIT. HOPE. LOVE. FORGIVE. Floods back in.  And I am more thankful than I was before.  Because I see where I could be, and I see where I am… and I am blessed.

**No matter how hard I try, I am not going to be financially capable of supporting my family with my photography business, solo.

I am finding that I have been making myself crazed trying to figure out how to balance a business, 6 kids & a home.  All the while not losing my mind.  It’s not going very well.

** I am living in “survival mode”

WHAT?  AGAIN? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN???

When my friend mentioned to me “you are in survival mode” the other day, it was like.  “OH MY WORD I AM!?!”  “I AM!”  How did I get there again??????

See, I was doing so well… then I started adding more and more to my plate… and suddenly it starting spilling over the sides… and I have a mess.

There is a certain peace that comes from realizing you are in survival mode and accepting it.

It’s good.

** I don’t have it figured out… but I do have peace back. 

I am going to do what I feel I can handle, business wise and no more.  That may mean I don’t do any photography some months… And will pick up more other months.  I hope my clients are flexible.  But, I really can’t worry about it if they are not.  If I am giving God the business & the Glory then it’s all really his problem to figure out anyway.

My top priority is going to go back to being my kids & their well being.  I am going to take control of my time.  I am going to stay on top of their lives. 

Again, I don’t know how.  There is only one of me.  And sometimes that really ticks me off.  But, it is what it is.  So, I will help with homework from 3:45 til 10:00… fit dinner, and a ball game in between… read books to them that they don’t understand when they read them themselves… go over spelling and grammar every night… stumble through Freshman  Biology vocab words over and over again… Figure out how F*A*S*F*A (if you’ve not sent a child to college yet you won’t know what that means, but one day soon you will, trust me!) works… clean up after the messy things my daughter does (apparently I am supposed to be supporting, encouraging, and allowing these “projects” which really goes against my nature)… then clean up again when she does things that I have not allowed or encouraged…

Again.  Not by my strength.  I can’t.  As soon as I start to think that I have to, I crumble. Or I get a call from a teacher saying my child was once again in the principal’s office. 

I cannot, on my own, be an advocate for each of my children in their schools.  God must raise up others.  God must send help.  He must.

I don’t know how HE does it.  And I confess it can really make me mad in the midst, to be wondering where HE is and why I can’t feel HIM… Because it sure “feels” like I have to do this on my own.

I don’t know how, but I know that even when I don’t feel it or see it or understand it… HE does.  And people are praying, and truth eventually comes around again, and I start to feel it again… and we go around.

**  I really, really, really, really, really, don’t like the load God is asking me to trust Him with.  It is after all about trust isn’t it.  Do I trust He is not going to give me more than I can bear?  (1 Cor 10:13)  I confess it feels like it is too much too many days. 

** So those are my light-bulbs for today.  I don’t have it all figured out, I make mistakes, I feel overwhelmed, I don’t like not getting my way, I am human living on earth… trying to learn to glorify God rather than myself.  Painful.

“All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them.”  --John 17:10  (Jesus)

Pam

“Pain Perpetual”

“Why is my pain perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed?  Wilt thou be altogether unto me as a liar, and as water that fail?”  --Jeremiah 15:18

Some days this is what I feel like.  The wound incurable.  The pain perpetual.  The ever seeping wound that we just get used to having around and try to ignore as much as we can until suddenly the infection gets to be too much, again…

The thought that my life it always going to revolve around the event that occurred on September 16, 2005.  Like the devastation of an earthquake on my family.  How many years will the rebuilding take?  A lifetime? 

I want so badly to be healed.  To be free of the burden of the prayer.  To have my children healed.  To stop being alone.  To stop feeling all the weight of responsibility on my own shoulders. 

I do trust God. 

But, some days I feel like screaming (and some days I do scream)  “WHY DO YOU THINK I CAN DO THIS???  WHY DO YOU THINK THAT I CAN HANDLE THIS??  DONT YOU SEE I AM FAILING???  DONT YOU SEE I CANT DO WHAT YOU THINK I CAN DO???  CAN’T YOU SEE?????”

You know something else?  There are just no words for times when you feel like that.  All you can do is throw yourself on the ground and weep.  Throw yourself at the feet of the FATHER… and weep.  There are no answers.  At least not at that moment.

Sometimes we just have to take the day and cry. 

Sometimes.

Are we okay with letting that just be okay?

It is very hard to see someone in this kind of pain.  I admit that I don’t like to see others in  pain.  I also admit that I am one of those people who wants to give an answer, quote some scripture, say it’s all going to look better tomorrow, say whatever I think will bring that person comfort in that day…

Know what?  Sometimes it’s just better if we don’t say anything…

Isn’t that strange?

Praying God sees each of us through those times when we just feel like we aren’t going to make it.  Praying for HIM to show me the truth when I feel that way.

After all, He is the One in charge.

“The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.”  --Isaiah 58:11-12

Pam

Had a Bad Day

What makes one day harder than another?

Why do I feel I have the grace & patience & ability some days?

And other days I am sure I am getting sucked into a great abyss and I am never going to return to sanity?

Analyzing that.

Pretty sure it has much to do with trust.

Pretty sure there is an element of waiting involved.

Pretty sure that there is also an issue of doubt.

Thanks to my twitter followers & friends who were praying yesterday, through a hard day.

I plan to process & share later.

Hopefully.

For now I am off to another busy day.  Only this time it is counseling with a friend & a new Bible Study group. 

Praying.

“Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”   --Isaiah 64:4

Pam

YOUR Gonna Miss This…Moment… 67

Welcome to another week of posting the moments we will miss one day.  I post my moment… and you post YOUR moment!  Link up at the bottom of the post!  Add this cute little button (code at the side of the post) to  your post.  Simple.  Memories Captured.

Did you read my post from earlier today?  Did you read my twitter feed?  Do you know the reason I posted this picture?

These were the 3 items my youngest little sweetheart took with her to school this week.  In her bag. In a brown paper lunch sack.  Unknown to me.

I was looking all over for that timer too.  It’s always missing.  Think she did something with my camera battery charger?  That’s missing too.

So, the brown paper sack was a spin off to Jadon taking something to school for show and tell and putting it in a bag like that.

I get that part.

The phone.  Well, Mommy takes her phone everywhere.  Kiahna has become obsessed with answering the phone when it rings.  Which it really rarely does with all the cell phones… so I’ve pretty much given her the privilege of answering the phone…

Watch…

 

Her normal first words when she doesn’t know who it is on the other end… “who are you?”  So funny.

The teacher says she was trying to give these “gifts” to her friends at school.   At least she’s nice and wants to share.

That’s all I have to say.

That, and I think my hair is turning grey.

What about you?  Can you top that one!

I’ll save the picture I took tonight of Zach in high heels at K*mart for another day.  Wouldn’t want ya’ll to be jealous of my talented children…

or…

not….

Don’t ya’ll be jealous now… I know I have all the excitement…

Pam

What do these 3 have in common?

Answer will be in this week’s YOUR Gonna Miss This… Moment…WITH VIDEO! Coming soon…

No fair peeking at my Twitter feed to find out!!  LOL!

Just kidding… but the answer is there!

Pam

Photography… where are we going?

I have been doing quite a bit of marketing research on photography.  And on college scholarships.  And working on taxes.  And. And. And.

My house is being overrun with papers at the  moment.  It’s quite something.  If…when something gets spilled on the counters or the table, it’s going to be disastrous… but where do you go with all this “stuff”?

I have been reading that as a photographer I need to choose a specialty and become good at that area, children, seniors, weddings, scenery.  I don’t know how to do that though.  So, I guess I won’t limit myself at this time.

I did accept my first wedding job for this May.  Lots of learning will go into my next few months.

I am accepting photo bookings for this coming year.  The spring & summer are going to be pretty difficult to get at time with me, so if you want something in that time frame, speak up early.

Just prayerfully considering where I am going with all of this.  Not wanting to go the wrong way.

My Note cards on Esty are in stock (and that is a little scary) I have those at my house & can ship them,  if anyone is wanting some of those.  I did change the quantity & now you will be getting 6 cards in a pack.  I can also offer to mix the packs up and give you a variety pack!  Let me know!

And now… my latest photo shoot…

Ethan...

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Thanks for all your kind words and support!

Pam