This past March my Grandpa was in the hospital for a number of days before going to be with Jesus and his Clara Mae. That is a story all of it’s own. As he laid in his bed he would share memories he had of us. It was an incredible experience. The story he told about me was kind of odd. But, these past few days, God has been using it to speak to me.
Jadon likes to hear the story of when I was a little girl with my Grandpa. He asks me to tell it often as a bedtime story. The story goes that Grandpa was helping with the building of my parent’s house. I was 3 or 4 years old at that time. And I got in the way and was hit in the head with a 2x4 he was carrying. I was fine (or maybe that explains things?). I went home with him that day to his house. He recalled that I sang the whole 15 miles, repeatedly exclaiming how surprised Grandma would be to see me!
Simple story. Why is that what Grandpa remembered about me when he was laying on his death bed?
This past week at the lake I had more time to think than usual. I continue to work through Beth Moore’s latest Bible Study Stepping Up. One of the things I read in there last week was this…
“Free Christ to be your custom builder. Let Him tell you how He wants your house to look instead of the other way around. He alone has the blueprints.”
Can I just say OUCH! I was face to face with my failure, my pride, my desire to have things worked out the way I wanted AGAIN!
I was frustrated with myself. I was in some denial. I was confused. I was mad. I was tired of trying to build on my own and failing.
Out on the lake (minding my own business) I was looking at the homes that were along the water.
(here is where I was going to insert the pictures I took of some of the beautiful homes along the lake, but someone decided that because we were out of memory space those should be deleted so these could be taken…
smiling… really, I am….) He did take this one of the lake that morning… so it wasn’t all bad! LOL!!
Okay, sorry… I’m here… So I am looking at these homes. My thoughts go along the lines of how some are these incredible custom built, original, amazing designs. The ones that stick out to you are those. The majority you just overlook and they get lost in the crowd of other houses. Beth’s comment in the study came flooding back into my mind.
Why do I fight God so much? Why am I consistently feeling like I am being hit in the head with a 2x4 because I am getting in the way of His work? Why does it feel like I am sitting the the basement with rubble all around me, while He tries building the new foundation of my life after a hurricane hit it, and I let Him build for a while and then decide that I don’t like what I think He is doing so I tear it down and try to do it myself, REPEATEDLY!?!
Another book I have been reading, Meet Me at the Well by Virelle Kidder, said this…
“If you are afraid God’s will is the worst thing you could imagine, follow it through to it’s source. It isn’t from God. His plan for you is good, as He says in Jeremiah 29:11, You can believe it.”
That is me. I am afraid of what God is going to build and I am afraid I am not going to like it. I am afraid it isn't going to be what I want. I am afraid...
The week went on, and as only God can do, and as I completely cannot explain, things began to clear up and God began to heal me AGAIN. I grieve the things, and people, that I wish were in my life and aren't. But, most of all I desire not to miss the things that are in my life.
Yesterday, I read a little snippet from Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I haven't had time to listen to it, but this is what jumped out at me...
"You and I are not totally free until we have released ourselves, our lives, our future, our marital status, our childbearing–every aspect of our lives–fully to the control of Jesus Christ." --Nancy's guest Holly Elliff
What stuck out to me is being totally free because I've given every aspect (especially my marital status) to the control of Jesus Christ.
I know it is what I have to do. I know it is not in my human capability. I know that God will do this in my heart though, if only I can get out of the way and let Him build me a custom made life. One that stands out from all the rest because of the beauty of the intricate detail only HE can create in my life. I am really sick of getting in the way and being hit in the head with 2x4's. HELP ME JESUS!!
