I turned 39 yesterday, for the first time, really!
My day was spent pretty much like I spend most of my days, running kids around, editing photos, keeping busy…
I don’t normally get over 100 face book notices telling me happy birthday, those are so fun! I also don’t normally go out to eat twice in one day or get my meal free either! That was great too!
What I do realize is that I am okay with having a birthday, I am glad I had things to do… when I don’t have things to do, I get very… what’s the word I want? Agitated? Bored? Self Pity? Depressed?
Whatever word I want to use for it, it’s not a good word & it’s not a good feeling… I know there are issues that are in need of healing in my heart… much like I see in my children many times…
If we just keep busy enough, maybe we won’t have to deal with the pain of it all? Maybe not…
Turning to God in our pain & asking for His miraculous healing… what else do I have? Oh, yeah I could just keep really, really busy and then I won’t have to think about it… probably not.
The truth is I really don’t like being a single mom. I don’t like having an X husband. I don’t like that my children hurt. Teenagers are challenging. Adopted kids are difficult. FAS is horrific to live with. My life is harder than I want it to be. I fear not being good enough of a photographer to keep busy. I fear failing. I fear losing. I fear… so many things…
There. That’s the truth. I feel better.
“ Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” -- John 8:32
I know this applies to the truth of God’s word… I believe it also applies to the truth about your life… because if we believe a lie we can’t be free…
Praying for God to show me all the places that I am believing lies… and for freedom that can only be found in HIM…
Pam
7 comments:
When I was praying this morning over my son, who has had some night time fear issues (not the same I know, but fear nonetheless) and there are also times I choose to sit on the sidelines because of fear so I was praying about that too, the Holy Spirit reminded me of this verse and after reading this I thought I'd share it with you too....
"Do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will streghthen you and help you I will look toward you, with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
i pray for wisdom and strength in this coming year. happy late birthday!!!! Hugs
Yes, happy birthday, Pam. I don't know how I missed it on FB. It sounds like you had a great & busy day. :)
I can definitely list some things I don't like in my life and sometimes it feels good to just put them out there. To be transparent. I appreciate you for that. You are an open book and one that helps others through their own pain because of all you have had to work through. Thank you for that.
Let's focus on the things God has blessed us abundantly with and run with that. Not preaching, just encouraging.
Love and Hugs,
Carol
P.S. Shawn will hit the big 4 - 0 before you. hehehe
I'll have to plan something special for him next May.
Oh and one more thing...
You are amazingly talented in your photography.
:)
So encouraged by you! I hope that was the best birthday!!! I love the truth. I dislike having an exhusband and being a single mom more than anything, while of course, I treasure my kids & love and pray for that "x". I know. I hear you. 100%. Keep on sweet righteous one. You're doing it well!
prayers for you.....
Happy Belated Birthday!
Sorry you are dealing with so many fears. I'll pray for you.
:) : ) :)
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